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Single Father With 3 Kids - Need Your Opinion

My wife left me and our 3 children (girl, 15 - girl, 11 - boy - 9) last Christmas. I did not (and still do not) want a divorce so I filed for legal separation last Feb. I was awarded full custody and child support. My wife has visitation 1 evening a week and every other weekend. She works 3rd shift and weekends so she chooses to only see the kids for a few hours every other sunday instead of the entire weekend. Here comes my problem. Her and her boyfriend just moved into a small 1 bedroom apt (without notifying myself or the court) in a high crime area and 43 registered sex offenders within a 2.25 mile radius. For safety reasons I do not want my kids to be in this environment but also don't want to take them away from their mother altogether. I am considering going back to court to ask for a modified visitation schedule where she can see them at my home, or take them out to dinner or a park and not be able to bring them back to her apt. Would this be an ureasonable request? Any thoughts, comments, advice??

Thanks
Doug
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replied October 18th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Welcome to Ehealth Doug!

I do not feel that it would be an unreasonable request. First, she has to make everyone aware of were she moved, (I'm sure that she is aware of this) and as the sole custodian, you have the right to say that it is not an appropriate environment for your children to be in. (I comend you for caring enough about your children to check up on things, unfortunately, many parents do not). And think that by offering her the option of coming to your home you are giving her more then enough opportunity to see her children. If she chooses to use that as a barrier, then she was looking for a reason for it to be 'inconvenient' anyway, and it is her loss.

Keep up the good work, and keep us posted!
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replied October 18th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
welcome welcome welcome!
first off id like to say that i admire you for being such a strong person. its hard being a single parent and to do it with 3 children is amazeing!

i think you shuld definately go back to court and ask for modified visitation
and i bet you'll get it too.
maybe you can work something out to where she can come to YOUR house to see the kids? or that she could meet up at a park or something. as long as shes away from that area and doesnt take them there
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replied October 26th, 2007
Well, I spoke with my attorney and he basically said that he doesn't see the judge changing the visitation just because she moved into a bad neighborhood. I guess I need to wait until they witness a drug deal, someone gets shot, or worse yet, something actually happens to one of them before I can do anything about it... I'm just thankful that she doesn't utilize her visitation that much and the kids will not be there that often. My kids are pretty smart and know that this is not a great neighborhood, and know what's right and wrong, so for now I just told them they should not be outside alone and to make sure they let me know if they see anything that makes them uncomfortable..

Thanks for the feedback
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replied October 26th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Interesting. Your lawyer could make a case that she doesn't have room for the kids in a one bedroom apartment. Where will they sleep? Etc.
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replied May 27th, 2009
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first of all it makes my heart happy to see that there are dad's out there that is so dedicated, being a single parent.

i don't think that your being unreasonable. i dont believe that your wife would move into a one bedroom knowing she has kids. i think that was very selfish, then again she did leave them.
since she wants to think about herself, you have to think about the kids.
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replied August 25th, 2009
I am also a single father with 3 kids, have been now for 4 years. My kids are now 18 boy,15 girl, 10 boy. My wife of 17 years got hooked on meth and started sleeping with her drug dealer. She made our life a living hell for about 2 years until I finally manged to kick her out legally. I have full custody and she is supposed to pay me child support. For a while after she left I felt like you, not wanting to keep them from their mother and making it possible for her to visit them, but every time they visited with her it just reminded them of how messed up she is. If this is what you are experiencing,
do the right thing, take complete control of your children and forget about her, Do not even mention her when you talk to your kids, it will only make them sad.
Above all, do not let her take them into a dangerous enviroment.
Soon your life will seem normal to you and your kids without her. When your kids grow they may want to get to know her again, for now they need your guidance,love, and
sense of security. Do not let this woman cause you or your children anymore grief, close the door for now. Eventually she may clean up and maybe once again be a part of their lives, until then go on with your life and
forget about her.
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