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Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum > What Is Wrong With Him?!
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Q: What Is Wrong With Him?!
asked by: sepia on October 17th, 2007
New User
I've been sort of going out with this guy from the past few months and early into the relationship I realized that he was not right. Most of the times he's like Mr Perfect and I swear I thought he was the most perfect guy I'd ever met...

But then.. He randomly disappeared for 3 days [I found out later he'd blocked me on MSN] and even though he knew I was worried about him, he didn't bother talking to me till three days after.

After that we became really into each other again, untill one Sunday morning he randomly dumped me, a mere two hours after excitedly planning my trip to where he lives [this is a long distance relationship] and in those two hours all he did was watch 300

He dumped me in the worst way ever and came across as a total ass, untill he unblocked me a few days later and we sorta went back to the way we were, though totally unofficially. Whenever either of us would mention feelings, he'd back off, and I started backing off as well.

Then things got interesting as he became really boyfriendy and kept talking about my upcoming trip to where he lives, and then one day, out of the blue, he dumped me again, a mere half hour after we had an absolutely normal conversation [during the half hour he had dinner thats all]

After that, he started talking to me again, and we went back to being kinda like the way we were, untill he suddenly grew distant after we spent a particularly good weekend talking on Voice Conversation. His backing off coincided with an attempt to make me jealous and I thought he thought that I didn't like him, so I tried to be more friendly to show I was interested etc

But he kept backing off, and I thought maybe he had stress from his upcoming exams or something, but then today we just had this massive argument about the plot of the movie 300 [I hate that movie so much atm] and he told me he was sick of me at the moment and asked me to "go away". He'd seemed kinda cranky even before I'd started talking to him so I know it wasn't the movie that upset him.

With him, he's always so mercurial he changes from hour to hour, sometimes minute to minute, and I can never understand what to do. Another weird thing is that he's always really really cranky on sundays [maybe from spending all his time at home?] and is always distant/short with me during then.

Whoever has been keeping up with the daily rise and fall of our relationship has said he seems like he has a split personality disorder, and after how he treated me today I'm starting to think the same way.

I've typed his symptoms into google and I came up with Bipolar disorder, do you think that could be possible? I also came up with Intermittent Explosive Disorder. He has a history of getting into "dont care" phases [and saw a councellor for it once and hence hates professional help] and he's just been through a lot emotionally lately since he split up with his very serious ex [which was his fault]

Please help me, I'm leaving for his country tomorrow and I've already written off my trip, but I really need to know how to handle him because frankly i'm losing patience [I have enough going on with my parents' divorce, my best friend acting like an ass and trying to pass grade 12] He's 18, currently doing his final grade 12 exams and i'm 16..

Thanks a lot for taking the time to read this.. Smile
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Replies(6)
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CarolDiane
replied on October 18th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Could Be Either Or?
If this is an internet relationship, it could be that he is not sure of himself and is hiding some really bad stuff from you and is not sure you will except him. Or he may just be playing the cyber love game and never truly intended to go any farther then that.
If this is someone you already know and have met, I would say he does have a possible bi-polar disorder. Just read up and be aware of what you are getting yourself in for. There are many relationships that have lasted. That is because the other person know the illness and is a support to the person rather then a hinderence. If it is the first or second senario I give you, then I would really be cautious about meeting this person.
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sepia
replied on October 18th, 2007
New User
I've known him from several years, and we've been friends from a long time [and yes I've met him before lol] We actually used to live within 3 km of each other, but then I moved. While we were friends it was different because we never really hung out/talked everyday, like we do now. He did seem cranky sometimes and was often really depressed when we were friends [mostly about his ex girlfriend]
I ran the idea past a couple of my friends, but none of them think he's bipolar, but then none of them have met him in real life. I looked out for specefic signs of symptoms and I really do think he is Bipolar, except he needs to go on medication to stabilize his mood [his mood fluctuates 3-4 times a day] How should I bring up the topic with him, seeing how he hates therapists and he'd probably never talk to me again if I told him what I think about this.
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CarolDiane
replied on October 18th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Then Just Be Careful
I would just tell you then to be causious about his illness and don't over do it trying to help with words. I think this is one of the times, he is going to have to want the help. When he starts talking about his behavior then that is the time to try some intervention. Otherwise, I would just go with the swings knowing what you know and excepting him for what he is and hopefully down the road he will seek some help. Saying something about it now, my just end forever what might be a nice relationship.
Just my opinion
I wish you the best of luck,
Carrie
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sepia
replied on October 21st, 2007
New User
I hope it all works out for us. I really really can't understand him these days. His mood swings are coming sooner and sooner, and I've given him about 5-6 oppurtunities to leave but he always returns

I never though I'd be in a "can't live with you, can't live without you" situation but here I am.

Thanks a lot for all your help Carrie. I really really appreciate it.

Do you think its possible to be catching on bipolarity from a person? I end up going through the same mood fluctuations as him pretty much.
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ilove_him
replied on October 21st, 2007
New User
Help...I've been dating my b/f for almost a year. During that time we have 'brokenup' at least four times. Whenever our relationship gets really close, he freaks out and will quit talking to me. I'm never sure how to handle it...the first time it happened I nearly had a nervous breakdown. We spend alot of time together and his office and my store is right next door to each other. We are currently broken up again. Is this a normal thing? The sad thing is is I know that he loves me and he treats everyone, including his parents and child the same way he treats me. He wont get help and I don't know how to help him. I think he is in his depressed state now. I could use any feedback.
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sepia
replied on October 22nd, 2007
New User
okay that is exactly what's happening to me..

have you noticed a specefic period that this happens? With my "boyfriend" who I'm broken up with right now too, its always something on sundays, and an extra dose every few weeks.

Does he still treat you like you're his girlfriend? That could be an indication of whether he feels constricted by the relationship or not [with my boyfriend I realized, so long as I didn't call it a relationship, it was all good. He even stays away from other girls etc, and expects me to do the same] Sometimes what happens is they see us as something constricting instead of a support system.

Another thing you gotta keep in mind is, take it a day at a time. If he seems reticent, quit talking/ give him ooodles of space. Try to be fun, it sometimes helps them to have someone easygoing around them [they're already depressed and serious, no point us getting that way too] though never ever make light of their mood/situation. I did that once [long before I suspected he was bipolar] by suggesting he was pmsing and that had disastrous consequences.

Just remember not to lose hope, you aren't alone in this. Lots of people will tell you to quit this etc, but if you love him, you should hang on till its really the end. DONT LET HIM TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED, never ever ever outright tell him you still love him, drop very very subtle hints, so that he will be forced to tell you how he feels.

Take care hun, and if you're ever down, just remember, I'm in the same boat, and mines long distance which makes it all so much worse
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