I am in a serious relationship with a
bipolar man, we have recently moved into
together. The beginning of our
relationship was different than it is now,
the honeymoon period never lasts forever.
There are moments when he is slap happy
silly/goofy-maybe even embarrassing and
then suddenly quiet and distant. In the
beginning he did not display this-now it
seems a daily occurrence.
I feel rejected when I see him go from
social around others ( and that took alot
of work ) to almost cold behind closed
doors. It hurts and I feel insecure at
times. Confronting him only leads to a
complete shutdown which in turn makes me
angry.He has commented that I should be
stronger as I was in the beginning,
however, he didn't act like this in the
beginning. I am confused.
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MandMs
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2007 Posts: 2080 Location: Strumica, Macedonia
Thanks: 36
Thanked:11
Posted: 10-24-07 04:52am
How long you two have been together?
Did he talk to you about his disease and
what to expect from his behavior?
Does he take medicines?
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kathy5691
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Sep 2007 Posts: 3
Posted: 10-24-07 05:46am
Dont feel rejected, It not your fault. Im
bipolar and I've been married for 23 yrs.
I also have 2 kids. They will tell you
they haven't had an easy life living with
me. They know that when I start to shut
down it's time to back off and let me be
alone. It took along time for my husband
and kids to learn to live with me. I have
gotten so bad at times that my kids had to
move in with other family members til I
was better. It takes a special person to
live with someone (by choice) with
bipolar. It takes alot of understanding.
If he isn't getting help or isn't on meds.
Then try talking to him about it, but only
when he's happy. Do alot of reading up on
the subject. Until my husband realized it
was a disease and not something I could do
something about on my own it was a rocky
road. GL hun
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sepia
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2007 Posts: 10
Posted: 10-25-07 08:10am
My boyfriend's bipolar and yes I am
feeling extremely rejected right now [he's
currently shutting me out] but just
remember, it'll all pass. Give him space
and he'll come back to you as soon as he
feels normal again.
I know it doesn't exactly do wonders for
your self esteem but remember to be
extremely patient and understanding. He'll
come back to normal, don't worry. Just
give him all the space you think he needs,
and a little more for safety. It works
better if they get space in bulk rather
than a well meaning but irratating person
constantly asking them if they're
okay/cranky/mad etc.
Whatever happens, don't lose your temper
or pick a fight with them. Occupy yourself
with something else, read a series of
books, pick up a new hobby, start going to
the gym to work out all that pent up
frustration and you'll be able to get
through his moodswings.
goodluck!
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Angel1969
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2007 Posts: 15
Posted: 10-25-07 09:20am
Thank you for your responses, I definately
feel better knowing that this happens with
others as well.
To answer a few questions we have known
each other for three years however after a
brief period of dating we stopped seeing
each other and I moved to another state.
We have now reconnected and have been
togather since June, he stays with me the
majority of the month then returns home.
We have talked about his disorder and his
medication was adjusted I believe last
week, Trileptal 600 mg and Lexapro 10mg
both daily.
I have tried the technique of giving him
space it seems to be working, this trip so
far his mood appears much better.
There are other things that concern me, he
can be quite a flirt and says things that
in my opinion are out of line, he has not
really evolved good social skills, and the
freinds I introduce him to here accept him
because I love him, but I wish he would
think more before speaking. He has an
easier time relating to woman than men.
As I said, I love him and am in this for
the long haul...But it may be rough..I am
sure I will be a regular guest here. Any
thoughts on thise meds?
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abnrmlmind
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 55
Posted: 10-25-07 10:01am
i do that really badly. its not that i
dont love or dont want to be around who im
with, its just that im content and i think
that since ive been with her so long i
dont have anything to talk about. shes
put me on the spot about it before and it
makes me feel awkward because i dont
really know how to explain it. i also
dont think before i speak... but i think
of it as being straight forward and
honest, sometimes its good sometimes its
bad...
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sepia
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2007 Posts: 10
Flirting Posted: 10-26-07 03:02am
wow your boyfriend and mine have a lot in
common. He flirts with pretty much
anything and anyone though he doesn't mean
it. He's toned it down heaps since we
started going out, but he never realizes
when his teasing borders on flirting.
Also with my friends he's kinda like..
odd.. slightly.. maybe because he really
wants them to like him? He's never himself
and he's always really awkward, so
consequently they all think he has a split
personality disorder since he's uptight
around them and really fun and friendly
around me.
Talk to him about his flirting. Say it
offends you, or do what I did and mirror
some of his actions with a guy friend [it
helps if you let him in on what you're
doing] I got around this by "flirting"
with a friend of mine on facebook which my
boyfriend read and realized how bad it
made him feel and stopped flirting as much
as before.
I hope this helps!
Good luck, don't give up.. its love that
keeps us all going
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kmsnz
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 4
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Posted: 11-16-07 17:05pm
My boyfriend too is bipolar, and a handful
at that. Although I love him immensely and
support him 100%. He flirts as well, lies
and is socially insecure. I have read so
many books on this that I feel I could
write one. All you can do is look after
yourself, give him his space when he needs
it. I've gone from being embarrassed to
confront him about things to being
absolutely honest / blunt. You have to be
to put things into perspective. I find the
less complicated you say and make things
the better. My boyfriend processes things
better if I'm straight forward and honest,
even if it hurts. I get hurt by what he
does and says all the time. Try to learn
to develop a thick skin, be honest with
him and yourself and just try to do your
best. I am the most patient person but
most of the time my patience is worn so
thin and right now I'm wondering if my
relationship can conitnue due to his drug
use and selfishness. We've been together
for 1 1/2yrs on and off and do live
together. I can tell you I've had so many
wonderful times with him, lots of really
unpleasant times as well. But I take
things day by day and don't expect too
much from him. Sad, but true. I know I
deserve better and right now I'm trying to
figure out my next step. It's so
confusing. Only you know wether to stay
with him and work things out or go.
I'm here for you.
KMS
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Angel1969
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2007 Posts: 15
Flirting Posted: 11-19-07 12:50pm
I am beginning to feel SO very insecure at
his attentions to my female freinds. When
we socialize he will completely ignore me
and focus on them being the perfect host,
ect. We recently purchase a small parrot
which I adore and is ours, and last night
he kept making comments in front of a
neighbor to Leave his bird alone, he has
done this with other things as well. Its
almost like he is trying to embaress or
hurt me..Or maybe he is kidding? Lately
anything I feel in his eyes is irrational
and he is right and I am wrong. When I ask
a freind, even one who was around the
"comment" they agree that he degrades me
in a backhanded way...Its makes me more
insecure and the circle goes on? I dont
like what I am becoming, I am taking more
anti anxiety medication just to deal with
his moods.
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sepia
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2007 Posts: 10
Posted: 11-19-07 22:58pm
okay I completely agree about the mood
thing. His moods depress me so much that
/I/ need mood stabilizers to keep up.
As for the flirting, yeah I have to go
through that as well, its like he almost
can't exist without flirting with girls.
Even uneccesarily like when he was
replying to an email a friend sent him he
said "hello my stunningly gorgeous
american friend" which is so useless.
Maybe its something about their bipolarity
that makes them insecure and they feel the
need to spread their flirting around? Just
to still feel attractive/ loved/
unrestricted?
Has anyone else noticed this or are we all
just lucky enough to be with the
exceptions and not the rules.
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puzzld
Supporter
Joined: 19 Nov 2007 Posts: 207 Location: gulf coast =), USA
Posted: 11-20-07 00:00am
i'm a bipolar woman and i do get social
and giddy when you can get me out of the
house. i don't mind going the day alone
though. but, i do flirt. not sure why...
just always have. but now that i'm married
i don't do that so much. i think it is
disrespectful. then again, i was a flirt
long before my disease.... how was he
before?
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Angel1969
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2007 Posts: 15
Posted: 12-04-07 07:55am
I think at this point I am an insecure
basket case, really there is no room to
deal with my problems. I have a friend who
knows him observe that he may be passive
agressive as well, and is intentional with
holding affection ect..I am not sure.
He has been away a few weeks again, last
night when I asked if he was ready to come
home he said no, he commented on how some
freinds wanted him to go to a football
game..Basically it made me feel like crap,
and that he didnt care.
The B**** in wants to show him...But I
love him and just want an adult grown up
relationship..maybe I was just an episode,
and now he is stuck..I feel miserable, i
desperately need some physical contact,
romance, a need to feel wanted right now.
At this moment ( since now even returning
a call is a game to him ) I dont know if
he is at the airport or not, or what to
expect when I come home. I feel like our
relationship is a burden to him now. I am
falling apart.
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puzzld
Supporter
Joined: 19 Nov 2007 Posts: 207 Location: gulf coast =), USA
Posted: 12-07-07 20:41pm
it is very difficult to deal with bipolar.
maybe he is so consumed with not hurting
you and he's expressing it in a bad way -
like distancing himself. he probably feels
like he is the burden in the relationship,
as i often do.
but realize that it does take a certain
kind of person to deal with all your
dealing with. and, if you find you can't
because it's hurting you, don't feel
obligated to stay with him. or that you
have failed. you deserve to be happy too.
but he is what he is... the question is
can you deal... the sooner you figure this
out the better.
it takes a strong willed bipolar to even
deal with the illness. some people just
stick their head in the sand. which does
sound nice to me sometimes. but i know
that ignoring the problem only makes it
worse. so first, i think, ask yourself -
is he dealing with his illness? if not,
then you might be waiting around for years
before he decides to do something about it
and recognize it. you can't make him, but
i know that you know that! you seem like a
very smart and compasionate girl. i know
he's hurting you and it sucks ass, no
matter what the reason. try to take care
of yourself and don't get sucked in to his
illness. go out with the girls and have a
bit of fun or do anything that
is enjoyable for you that you can do
without him. i hope you can find some
peace... and soon. xoxo puzzld
