I'm Lost...

Hello,
My name is DR and I found this site using an online search engine. I guess it's a kind of last resort as I'd never pictured myself in this situation, but I figure I have nothing to lose by trying it. First i'd like to thank you for taking the time to even read this email, and am open to any suggestions. My dilemma is kind of long winded, but to make it short;
I was born in Baghdad in the 80's and am old enough to remember the first gulf war, afterwards around 1993 my family fled to America, and for reasons my father still won't reveal we were able to do so. My family was the only one to do so, out of all the extended family and whatnot, so I got used to being alone in America. After much striving and sacrifice and whatnot, I was able to adapt more to living in America, I was only 7 or 8 at the time though. The first 5 years were hell because of how badly americans treated me as a child in public schools, i've dealt with racist teachers as a child as well, and the worst of treatment by other children my age. I had difficulty at first because I didn't really have a grasp of the english language, my brother easily lied and said we were actually turkish, and not arabian. Also, I should mention I have one older brother, older by 2 and a half years, and a younger sister, younger by 5 years. I am the middle child. My brother, to put it lightly, has always been in and out of trouble, he was the local bully as a child, and the worst bully of my entire childhood, worst then the treatment I received at school at the time, which went on knowingly underneath teachers' eyes. Anyways, years passed and for the first decade or so we moved from place to place every year, which meant going to new schools each year, even all the way through out high school until my junior year when we finally settled in one place. My parents have argued and fought every single day as far as I can remember, and my father used to beat my mother. They were legally seperated for a time during my freshman year in high school, where my brother got so out of hand that he had to live with my father away from us for that one year my parents were seperated. It was one of the best years of my life, my mother and little sister and I lived in a small apartment but we loved it, no fighting, no oppression, making it on our own. Anyways, through out this entire time we barely saw any family outside of my immediate one, once in a few years I got to see my second cousins who had moved to florida, though we lived in Chicago, Illinois. I've always strived to be the obedient child, never a trouble maker, always trying to please others. We also come from a muslim background, my mother was very devout and spiritual, my father was not at all, and this was part of much of their fighting. When I was somewhere between 15-16 my mother changed my to her school which she began teaching at, a private islamic school. Before that i'd spent my entire life in the american public school system. During that time my mother found out she had cancer, ever since then we tried our best. I tried my best to please her and my father, I became a very devout muslim. My brother was not, I tried to be as best to him as I can so we can be close, but my entire life has consisted of him stealing and borrowing from me and taking advantage of me, in my own mother's words he is a selfish human being, everyone in my family knows this, yet they treat him better then me because he is older, he is stronger, he is more aggressive. He's more like my father. I took up many burdens such as taking my mother to the hospital for her checkups and treatment once a week, I also stayed with her every other day, I did the groccery shopping for the family and I helped clean the house, I also worked part time and drove my self and my sister to school. I graduated and went on to community college, what I had originally wanted to do was go to the middle east and study religion in more depth, my father became very upset at me about this so I had to drop that dream for now. He said college was more important. Anyways, my brother rarely ever helped out, I was also in charge of my little sister such as taking her back and forth to her friends' homes and school, making sure she had everything she needed, things like that. My brother got a cat and left me with the responsibilities as well, i had to take care of it, and my father expected me to as well. My mother ended up dying 2 years ago, and since then my brother has impregnated a woman he dislikes and has children with her, and is cheating on her with another woman, which is a huge no no in islam. My father is a workaholic, he treats me like caca but relies solely on me, and I can feel he resents me, my little sister disrespects me left and right because she was taught I don't have to be shown any respect. I've tried to remain a good muslim but there's no islam left in our home, everyone seems to have forgotten all my mother's teachings. All my other family are thousands of miles away, and no one in my school goes through what I go through, they live in completely different worlds occupied by what i call luxury problems like relationships and things of that nature, materialistic things. My sole intention throughout these years was to become altruisticly good and noble, I now find that very hard. Few people understood my morals, so I was distanced even more. Finally after going to syria to see some family, my father's father died and I was helping with that scenario. I was always there for my father and mother, for everyone in my family, running to please them, and since I got back my father has begun shouting and yelling at me, treating me even worse, calling me worthless, and a loser. I did not realize I came from a broken home, I thought I came from good and noble upper class families in Iraq. I have been in college now for 5 years without a degree, at first it was my mother I had to take care of, then after she died I couldn't move away to a dorm and a real college, and my father pressured me and I could not leave my sister alone to fend for herself, she was beginning to runaway from home and get in bad groups in school, so I joined a nearby school of which i cared little for. I've been working since I was 15, now i'm nearly 22, i've been going to college for 5 years, i've sacrificed so much for my family, and now I have no one. I've moved out of my house 2 weeks ago to live with a close friend, but it's not as I imagined it. Now there's a girl involved with him so he acts different around her, especially around me. He has already done me so much help though that I can't complain, still though it's not as I imagined it would be. No one from my high school remembers me, their all living their successful lives becoming doctors, even my family in Iraq is doing much better then me when I last saw them in Syria, of which was the only time I had seen them since I left iraq 15 years ago. I find myself all alone now, i've tried to be a good human being, tried to be so altruistic, I dont hunderstand how all this could have happened. Now I am literally all alone, my little sister never calls me even though i try and talk to her, I can't call home because I dont want to deal with my father. I decided to go ahead and just finish this caca college of mine, get a degree I dont care about, just to get it over with, but now that i'm on my own, I can't find assistance. I've looked everywhere, I'm in too poor a shape for the army, the government doesn't consider me 'independant' and worthy of financial college help unless i'm 24 or have a number of ridiculous slim alternatives like supporting a child or being an orphan. I dont have any credit and collegs won't loan me money to go to college, so I have to spend a year bulding up credit so I can get loans to finishmy college. I know people out there have it much worse then me, but I dont know anyone around me in my middle class status quo in america who's had it as bad as me, no one can relate to me, they just dont care, people my age. They have caca problems, I would kill to have their problems. I'm starting to lose faith in god as well, I honestly now believe that I am cursed. For the sake of not keeping you up too late i've ommitted much of what i've sacrificed for family, all my dreams. And for nothing, now I am all alone. i can't kill myself because I'm afraid of offending god, now I fear him more then I love him. I try to do good by him but it seems to get messed up each time I try, so I honestly now believe I am cursed by God. I can't live, and I can't die. I work a minimum wage job with my friend, i know he's been good to me, but this new girl makes me really feel like a third wheel. She really shows her dislike of me, and my friend doesn't really see it or think it's a big deal. I dont know what to do.