hey just got a couple of things to say and
a couple of questions. ive been going to
my doctor for about 2 or 3 months now
under supervision for suicidal watch and
my deranged thoughts and such. i have been
experiencing schizo-like symptoms for
about a year and a half now(just a little
background info). im not on any medication
as i refuse to take most of them just not
knowing what its going to do to me.
last night as i was tryin to sleep some
voices kinda just started up.. it started
with me like talkin in my head and slowly
it got more and more real and really
started to scare me. they where sayin
really horrible things and sometimes it
was a whole room of people talk to me.
this made me get up and out of bed and
start pacing my room at about 4.30 in the
morning. after about half an hour of that
i just laughed and said like "what the
hell am i doing?!?!"
i layed back down and turned the lights
off and as i started to relax the voices
came back. then i forget how it started
but i can remember hearing a piano and
seeing in my mind exactly how it works and
what key needs to be struck for a certain
sound. but every few minutes sometimes
more regularly a bung note would come and
feel like it was "in my head" so to speak.
these notes seems unusally savage and hurt
my brain and my ears everytime it
happened. im wishing i got up and wrote
this down last night because its like its
almost erased from my memory i can barely
remember it.
my question is this, does it sound like
that my psychosis is getting worse? and
should i get on some kind of meds?, im
really in fear that i could kill myself at
any time not cause i want to but because
something might make me or who knows. i
have days where this illness is a gift and
gives me insight into alot of things but
it seems like i might be goin downhill and
going somewhere ill never come back from?
i guess what im hoping for is someone who
has had this illness for a long time to
kinda give me an idea of if i need to be
on meds or something? the only thing that
seems to stop my episodes for a while
seems to be exercise. If i start doin
pushups or punchin a punching bag
everything almost disapears. just like to
hear what any one else thinks??
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 10-13-07 09:41am
What you want to watch out for is a major
psychotic episode that will destroy some
aspects of your brain and body, like in my
case. I was walking around with
semi-psychotic symptoms for years until it
really hit me hard. Now I feel like crap
all the time. Medication is supposed to
prevent major episodes like that and could
have prevented what happened to me. I hate
medication myself and not telling you what
to do. But the risks of degeneration while
not taking anything are there.
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redeme
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Aug 2007 Posts: 71 Location: australia
Posted: 10-13-07 10:42am
hey philo, thats exactly what im worried
about. because im only 18 im a little
worried that as i get older ill get worse.
what do you mean by semi psychotic if you
dont mind me asking? thats what im worried
about though, that when im 30 im gonna be
an absolute wreck and my life messed up.
thanks for the reply btw
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 10-14-07 09:50am
By semi-psychotic I mean features that
weren't as strong and evidently psychotic
as they are now, but were worrisome.
Preoccupation with evil, believing I was
getting messages about what to do from my
brain, that I was being led by a positive
force from point A to point B.
