Hello. I am so terrified, I can barely eat, sleep or even think.

My story: I became aware of a mole on the back of my neck about twelve years ago. I discovered it one day getting my hair cut, as the stylist kept going over it with the comb. I didn't really pay much attention to it because my body is covered in moles, many of them atypical. My memory of it seems to be that it was a small (no larger than 1/8 inch) and brown to dark brown in color.

Then about six months to a year ago, I was rubbing the back of my neck and felt the mole. It felt weird. Kind of rough in texture. Later, I looked at it in the mirror and noticed that it "seemed" bigger than I had remembered, and perhaps a bit darker. I was not alarmed though.

Now here is where my panic sets in. I knew nothing about melanoma. Nothing at all. I am blond and blue eyed, fair skinned, I don't tan and amcovered in freckles and weird moles and I just thought, well, there's another weird mole. And I moved on.

It was not until a family member saw it two weeks ago and said "You need to get that looked at" that I started to read up on skin cancer.. and I am terrified. I am convinced that it is melanoma (because of its texture mainly) and that I didn't go in right away all those months ago with my vague impression that the mole had changed.

I've made an appointment with a family practice doctor (I can't see a dermatologist without a referral), and it's for next Wednesday... but I have convinced myself that
1. It's melanoma
2. Because I waited so long, it's too late
3. that the "lump" I felt over my collarbone 8 months ago, that the ultrasound tech said was just a vein over a tendon, was really something more ominous.

I keep searching for other reason this mole is the way it is. Is it possible that the mole is strangely textured because it's been brushed over several times at the salon? I keep hoping that's all it is!

My family keeps telling me I'm crazy, that it's just a mole and moles change. To get it looked at, but it's 99% nothing. On the 1% chance that it's nothing, it will get fixed, end of story. And I keep telling them, it got bigger, it got darker, it changed in texture, and I've waited too long.

I don't know if I am writing all of this to vent and feel better, or to have someone give me some advice from experience.

Here are a couple pics of it, if anyone is curious http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y257/rene e111/DSCN1057.jpg
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y257/rene e111/DSCN1034.jpg