Ask yourself if you can deal with the betrayal, lies & affairs upon your return to this individual. It doesn't sound like he has changed anything (he really hasn't had the time yet) since you've separated. It sounds like you are much more dependent upon him than he is upon you. If he's seeing other people & is spending money like crazy, he's extremely manic at this time. Medicine & doctors are VERY necessary at a time like this. If my husband weren't on meds, he would be the same way.

Please protect YOURSELF & your CHILDREN right now. The only person who can change your husband's behavior at this time is your husband.

BYD

Thank you for your reply. He texted me yesterday morning and asked if our youngest son was ok. I told him that he was feeling under the weather, but otherwise fine and asked why? He told me that he had a dream that he died. He said he used to dream these dreams all the time when we still lived together, but would be able to go and check himself and then go back to bed relieved. He said that he was feeling very awful and that he might be done for. He hates life and doesn't want to bother anymore. He told me that he was attending church that morning as well. (He never goes to church, especially alone). He had me so worried. I attended service with my family in the town where I moved and had everyone say extra prayers for him. Our hearts went out to him. He texted me all afternoon and told me to call him once the boys were in bed for the night. I video conferenced him. He looked awful. Hadn't shaved in a week and drinking beer. He told me that the short relationships that he's been in since we've separated aren't doing anything for him. That he has no business dating anyone because he has nothing that he is prepared to give. He told me that he knows he should be with me and needs to be with me, but has to get on meds to know for sure to make a life change. It was a very romantic video conference and it was nice to see each other. This morning he texted me to tell me that he wanted to say good morning, that he loves me and that he is thinking of me; actually can't stop thinking about me. I said that was nice . Then he didn't contact me for the rest of the day. Rather strange I thought. Found out later through the grape vine that he was e-mailing his latest flavor of the month all day. Apparently she is bi-polar too. He told her that he is confused and that he needs some time alone to think about what he wants. I also found out that this past weekend he was planning on taking her home to meet his family but chickened out. His family felt it necessary to keep me in the dark about this relationship that he denied existed let alone was potentially this serious about too. I am so hurt. Do I not deserve the respect to be told that he is involved with someone? It's bs too that he is telling me all these sweet things about being together perhaps again and that he loves me so much, and really he was just having a bad day because she was pulling away from him in her downward cycle at the same time. I love this guy, but it is torture to be taken advantage of just to feel like a huge fool later. I know that every 2-3 weeks he has a huge crash like this and it's the only time he feels that he wants his kids and me in his life in a capacity more than what it is presently. The best comparison that i have is the movie "The Notebook" where the husband keeps his love alive for his wife with memory loss (i think alzheimers) because she comes back to him every once in a while. He knows that he has very little time with her while she is herself, and it somehow sustains him because he loves her so much. A different version all beit, I can't pack a lifetime and a family into the few short days that I get out of the 2-3 weeks. It breaks my heart everytime this happens. I have never felt so sad and alone in my whole life. I hope that the appointment he has with his psychologist this week will be successful in getting him in to see a psychiatrist quickly who can prescribe meds. He's spiraling downward more each time he hits his low cycle. I'm afraid for him. Although expecting, I am going to see my doctor about going on a safe medication for depression and coping myself. It's all so overwhelming. Thanks for listening.

Until he gets on Meds there is really nothing you can do for him. If I go off my medication there is really nothing anyone can do for me except have me contained. Make sure you take care of yourself and your kids first and than if you have any energy left try to help your husband. Just remember he isn't going to behave rationally because his brain chemistry isn't normal right now. Its not an excuse because he knows he's sick and he isn't on medication.

Why hasn't he been treated?

While you do need to protect yourself and your kids, try to remember that it isn't his fault. He can't control the way he is feeling and acting. Try to encourage him to get treated, and if he does, you can see if you're willing to come back into his life.

But I'm glad you're going to the doctor yourself, you really need to make sure you are taking care of yourself in light of the situation. Keep yourself and your kids safe, and try to encourage him to get better.

All my love

An a-hole with bipolar is still an A-hole...The condition doesn't make people do things they don't want to do...In the end he is responsible for his actions...Cheating, abuse, lying, bad decisions are all deal breakers...

He has said that I am the only one he will listen to, so I gave it to him straight today. He wants me to come and see him and I told him that it was only on the condition that he goes to the hospital and meets with a psychiatrist with me present. The doctors never get the whole picture if the person who's been living with the patient isn't there. I told him to do it for his kids and himself. How happy my oldest son who is almost 5 will be to hear that Daddy is going to get help for his head that hurts. I am nervous, but this needs to be done and I'm glad that he is agreeing to take this step. I can't imagine it's easy for him. Between telling me how wonderful I am and that he needs me, his messages to me were hurtful and strange. I had to make arrangements for my mother who is 73 to come and look after my 2 sons while I go to the city to help my husband. I also had to change appointments, etc. I have a life here now, and my kids need me too. Sometimes my replies to him were not within the hour. He at one point told me to go f*#@ myself and leave him alone. That we were done and that I wouldn't receive any child support if he commits suicide. That I am going to make him kill himself. That I am playing with his head and causing him to be this way, it's my fault and that I'm not doing anything to fix it. He asked why I am doingn this to him. He threatened me and said that he needs me and if I don't come, that he can never talk to me again because I'm making him crazy with this off and on again stuff. He has really started manufacturing things. He changes his mind about how he feels about me on a weekly basis, sometimes less. I pointed these things out to him and told him that it isn't his fault, but it's not my fault either. The disorder is making him feel this way. When I finally spoke over the phone, I was firm but pleasant and I think I shocked him. I've always been the submissive one in the relationship and he's always been in control. The tables were turned today and I told him that this is not a social call. I'm not going to take time away from the boys right now and drive 4 1/2 hours to see him, if by the time I get there he is going to tell me that he has changed his mind about agreeing to get him immediate help. He assured me in a very quiet voice that he is willing to do this. It was so emotionally draining to have that conversation with him and relieving at the same time. I leave in the morning to head there. I believe in prayer, so if any of you do, please say one for us. I'll post Thursday night how things went. This forum is the best thing I've found to talk to others who are affected by this distructive, but treatable condition. I'm optimistic that he'll get the help he needs to live a normal life. Something he's never had. Thanks again for listening.

I hope things work out. If your fortunate they'll admit him while they experiment with what drugs work. Recovery is a long road but hopefully you have him on the first step.

My whirlwind trip to see him and take him for immediate help was successful. We were seen the same day by a mental health care professional who took information from both of us. I was so glad to finally have my information considered as an important part of his care. I added things to the conversation that he may not have realized were important to a proper second opinion for diagnosis and treatment. He had his appointment with the psychiatrist there today and was diagnosed with cyclothymia (or bipolar II) just as we had thought. He has been prescribed seroquel. His instructions are to begin taking it at night before bed as soon as he feels manic again (which should hit tonight or tomorrow). Of course he was told to either quit drinking or cut it right back in order for the meds to work. I know that he isn't out of the woods or anything, and that it isn't a magic pill, but I am so relieved to know that someone took this seriously enough to get my husband help. He is a worthwhile person who has always been deserving of a chance at normality; something he has never experienced. I know that it doesn't necessarily mean that anything will change relationship wise between us, but I care about him enough that I'm glad he's finally got the chance to treat this disorder effectively. Sometimes love isn't enough, and I know that. We'll have to wait and see how the meds work for him. Here's hoping.