Hey there Dolphin,

Sometimes its best to part ways in a relationship. If you two are destined to be together, it will happen eventually. Theres no point in sticking around if you are this unhappy. Dont buy everything I say, but at least think about it.

Why cant you guys take some time off? Give him the space to work on his things and get some alone time for yourself. Focus on what makes you happy. Once you are happy again, then try to see if he has worked his issues out. Sometimes staying together slows down the growing process, which is what he is trying to accomplish.

Ive had a few relationships and the last one was about 4 years long. I was depressed for the last two years of it and did nothing but stop my partner from getting on with her life.

We have been apart for a year now. I am no longer as depressed as I was and am getting help. She has shot to the stars and is finishing school, starting a career and actually becoming happy again. Its not like I was keeping her in a prison, but once she said "enough is enough" and moved on, her life has progressed faster as she only has to worry about herself. For her that was important, it may be for you too.

Her leaving me was also a plus for my mental health. I was using her to fill some hole in my life that I needed to learn to fill on my own.

Hang in there

Hi Dol

It's normal to feel that way so far in a relationship.

Relationships are a 50/50 agreement. There's a lot of compromise to be made in order for both to be happy.

The fact that your partner needs to work on himself, and has admitted to this, means that he has realised something was wrong with his current state and wanted a change to be better. If you want to make the relationship work, be supportive of him and most importantly Communicate.

You are not selfish to want the attention that you deserve, which is why you should talk. Come to small compromises. You support him with everything he does and tell him that you want the same from him... 50/50 remember. A 5 year relationship is a lot to give up and if that is what you want to do, you have to really think long and hard about it. You don't want the wrong decision to blow up in your face, so you have to make 100% sure that that is what you want. (not 99%)

I had a 5 year relationship (engaged for 2 years) and things just happened in our lives that we missed out on all the communicating. It was too far gone, that by the time we started communicating and try coming to compromise, we just realised that we were just not meant for each other. We broke it off 2 months before the wedding. I had to move to a different town miles way, becasue I knew that a rebound was bound to happen after such a traumatic stage in life, that if I had stayed in the same town, that I would go back to him and that if we ever had an argumet, that our breakup would be thrown in my face. (He was that type of person.) I wasn't going to stand for that. Oveall it's an extremely hard decision to make, but you have to be comitted 100%

That's why I ask that you:
be patient
Talk, communicate
Compromise
be supportive
you have every right to ask for his support too in return

If all else fails, read the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus". It makes a lot of sense on how men function and how they deal with their problems, same with women.

Let me know how you go!

Hang in there.

Thankyou for two different opinions and giving me some things to have a long hard think about.
At the moment i am being as supportive as i can with my partner and also giving him time to work on himself but in the back of my head i am thinking how much time to i give him to improve our realationship? i still dont get the effection i am looking for, i would just love for him to give me a cuddle or kiss every now and then but i get nothing at the moment...
At the moment i take it day by day and i try to talk to him but he is not a good person at opening up which makes it difficult.
Thankyou again for your thoughts it was really nice for you to post a reply moonshinemix and WShep....