Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 3 Location: , Australia
Having a Hard Time At the Moment Posted: 10-11-07 03:29am
Hello everyone,
This is my first post here....so Thankyou
for reading
I guess i just want someone to talk too
and im hoping to find that here?
I am just having a hard time at the moment
and am feeling really down and emotional
all the time and i feel its effecting life
so much. I work in aged care and have
taken on alot of responsibilities which
has been stressing me out alot...I get
stressed at work and then come home to a
stressed home life...
My realationship of 5 years is on the
rocks, I have been living l with my
partner for over 3 years and over the past
year he has slowly become distant towards
me. He shows me no affection anymore and
sometimes when i look into his eyes i feel
he doesnt care or feel anything for me
anymore. He tells me he loves me and
doesnt want me to leave but he says he is
going through a tough time and trying to
loose weight and to better himself to feel
better about himself. But while he is
doing all this soul searching and working
on his own self confidence i am suffering
in silence. I find my self crying every
day, i cry myself to sleep most nights. My
partner has told me he has to work on his
own issues before he can fix our
relationship.
I feel selfish for wanting his attention
and effection but i feel so lonely all the
time...
What do you all think am i silly for
sticking by him even when i feel im dying
inside by doing so. I keep telling myself
give him time and things will get better
but i dont know how much time to give him,
i love him with all my heart which makes
it very very hard.
|
WShep
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Oct 2007 Posts: 67 Location: SoCal, USA
Posted: 10-12-07 17:57pm
Hey there Dolphin,
Sometimes its best to part ways in a
relationship. If you two are destined to
be together, it will happen eventually.
Theres no point in sticking around if you
are this unhappy. Dont buy everything I
say, but at least think about it.
Why cant you guys take some time off?
Give him the space to work on his things
and get some alone time for yourself.
Focus on what makes you happy. Once you
are happy again, then try to see if he has
worked his issues out. Sometimes staying
together slows down the growing process,
which is what he is trying to accomplish.
Ive had a few relationships and the last
one was about 4 years long. I was
depressed for the last two years of it and
did nothing but stop my partner from
getting on with her life.
We have been apart for a year now. I am
no longer as depressed as I was and am
getting help. She has shot to the stars
and is finishing school, starting a career
and actually becoming happy again. Its
not like I was keeping her in a prison,
but once she said "enough is enough" and
moved on, her life has progressed faster
as she only has to worry about herself.
For her that was important, it may be for
you too.
Her leaving me was also a plus for my
mental health. I was using her to fill
some hole in my life that I needed to
learn to fill on my own.
Hang in there
|
moonshinemix
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 37
Posted: 10-13-07 02:52am
Hi Dol
It's normal to feel that way so far in a
relationship.
Relationships are a 50/50 agreement.
There's a lot of compromise to be made in
order for both to be happy.
The fact that your partner needs to work
on himself, and has admitted to this,
means that he has realised something was
wrong with his current state and wanted a
change to be better. If you want to make
the relationship work, be supportive of
him and most importantly Communicate.
You are not selfish to want the attention
that you deserve, which is why you should
talk. Come to small compromises. You
support him with everything he does and
tell him that you want the same from
him... 50/50 remember. A 5 year
relationship is a lot to give up and if
that is what you want to do, you have to
really think long and hard about it. You
don't want the wrong decision to blow up
in your face, so you have to make 100%
sure that that is what you want. (not
99%)
I had a 5 year relationship (engaged for 2
years) and things just happened in our
lives that we missed out on all the
communicating. It was too far gone, that
by the time we started communicating and
try coming to compromise, we just realised
that we were just not meant for each
other. We broke it off 2 months before
the wedding. I had to move to a different
town miles way, becasue I knew that a
rebound was bound to happen after such a
traumatic stage in life, that if I had
stayed in the same town, that I would go
back to him and that if we ever had an
argumet, that our breakup would be thrown
in my face. (He was that type of person.)
I wasn't going to stand for that. Oveall
it's an extremely hard decision to make,
but you have to be comitted 100%
That's why I ask that you:
be patient
Talk, communicate
Compromise
be supportive
you have every right to ask for his
support too in return
If all else fails, read the book "Men are
from Mars and Women are from Venus". It
makes a lot of sense on how men function
and how they deal with their problems,
same with women.
Let me know how you go!
Hang in there.
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DolphinGirl77
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 3 Location: , Australia
Thankyou Posted: 10-14-07 01:59am
Thankyou for two different opinions and
giving me some things to have a long hard
think about.
At the moment i am being as supportive as
i can with my partner and also giving him
time to work on himself but in the back of
my head i am thinking how much time to i
give him to improve our realationship? i
still dont get the effection i am looking
for, i would just love for him to give me
a cuddle or kiss every now and then but i
get nothing at the moment...
At the moment i take it day by day and i
try to talk to him but he is not a good
person at opening up which makes it
difficult.
Thankyou again for your thoughts it was
really nice for you to post a reply
moonshinemix and WShep....
