all the joy of my virgo quitting his beer drinking days are gone...he fell off the wagon ...now the dred of what the weekend will bring ....I walk on egg shells and I spend the time alone with him in the same space....I can't go where he ends up after a few beers so he goes off and entertains himself. while I was out of town he started again ...I can't ever leave town? am getting my mind set for what I know is coming , lonely days lonelier nights and the smell of beer in his pours. I hate that he needs to drink at all his best friend and still devoted friend D.S. told me my virgo started drinking at ten years of age the child of alcoholic parents. he is 52 now I can't hope for him to quit now. I noticed that the next day I got up early so I could raid his pockets for what ever money was left cause he smokes too and there was just enough for a carton of cigarettes and a tank of gas ...I was sure if I did not take care of it he might drink it and there would be no gas and no cigarettes ....why I complain if I choose to stay in this I don't know maybe because I can and thats all I can do ...I don't understand myself in this who chooses to love and remain with an alcoholic ? is there a club I can join out there for stupid women like me? what very little change came when he was sober will be gone in no time his beer causes him to leave me without leaving.........torn and alone til he comes to his senses....I believe I will get some counseling before I lose myself in this and can't find a way out. the shock is still on me I believed he would need a reason to start again but no he just wants to poison himself in front of me liquid suicide one can at a time . who do I get mad at? his history , his illness, his weakness, there is this treasure of a man in there with the drunk that I am gonna miss alot . I wish I did not love him so much . I could walk away then. I don't so much need any replys just a sounding board for what is in my head. thank you