Relationships and Marriage Forum - Should I Confront Husband about Lies?

Well, my husbands favorite numbers are 143637... hmm they're just numbers right? big deal? Ok so, he told me once.. when we were dating it means.."I love you forever and always" or something like that.. so I'm like ok.. whatever.. Soo after we wedded in Dec 2006.. and moved to our new home.. he gets an email on myspace from this girl..
I happened to walk over to him when he was reading his email.. and I asked him who it was.. and he said it was his "cousin".. in part of the email she was congratulating him about getting married.. and how the wedding went.. and left her number at the bottom of the email asking him to call her back. I asked if he was going to and he said no.. He emailed her back... telling her about the wedding .. then left his number.

Months later..
I happened to come across those numbers again.. and asked him.. what it meant.. and he said.. they didn't mean anything.. that they're just his favorite numbers...

Last month..
He'd gone to work... early.. I woke up.. and cleaned the house as usual.. he'd left the computer on all night.. so I go over to shut it off.. he'd left his account logged on ... I wasn't trying to be noise or anything.... I noticed he had a lot of emails from her... soo I kinda scrolled down.. and saw.. one w/ "143637" in the subject... so I got curious .. since its his favorite number after all.. so I clicked on it..
Well, found out.. she was really his ex-girlfriend.. they dated for a while.. then she cheated on him and got married. She's been married for 2 years.. unhappy and wishes she was with him instead... and if he's happy with me or not... and that.. 143637 will always be their number...
So at this point.. I'm disappointed.. hurt... confused..
.. he lied to me..

What should I do.. Should I worry?! Should I confront him? He has like 20 emails from her../ and he's only replied to 3 of them.. Of course.. I know he loves me.. and shows it all the time.. and he spoils me rotten.. but could it be..that he still loves her too?
I know it was wrong of me to have read that.. But lately I've been feeling so depressed over this..

Replies(8)

young Girl

replied on October 10th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

confront him and be FIRM ABOUT IT
sounds like he doesnt mind her emailing him huh? and she sounds like shes still interetsed in him
BIG RED FLAG
you need to confront him an let him know how you feel

if i EVER found out travis was talking to his ex like that and wsnt telling me id leave him in a heartbeat
you never know what could be going on that you dont know about

x-bad

replied on October 10th, 2007

New User

.. He gets his cell phone bills sent to the house... and it has all the calls made and receive listed.. SO I know they're not calling each other.. or seeing each other.. since she lives like 4000 miles away from us.

I've tried confronting him about the emails.. last week.. but we just kinda ended getting mad at each other for a few hours.. he thought we were arguing.. about him being obsessed w/ car parts and ebay.. and didn't even bother to listen and just left. Nothing got done..
The real problem is.. he doesn't open up to me.. he never tells me whats bothering him.. he never talks about how he feels about things.. and it really makes me mad.. I've talked to him about it already.. and all he does.. is smiles.. and say things like.. "ok, I'm sorry" and hugs me and thats the end of it.

I'll definitely make time to talk to him.

young Girl

replied on October 10th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

yeah but id be devestated to know they are still talking even on emails

i hope when you guys talk it goes welll
let me know if you need any help
i know your sad and hurt by this but hang in there girl!

The Mrs

replied on November 3rd, 2007

Experienced User

He shouldn't have lied to you. If my husband told me an exgirlfriend was a cousin of his, I'd feel like he was taking advantage of the fact that I didn't know any better, and that violates my trust. Don't feel bad for your feelings about this, you have every right to feel that way after realizing his dishonesty. Just sit him down and let him know that earlier he didn't listen to you at all... that you weren't nagging about obsessions with car parts on ebay... but that instead you wanted to talk about this "cousin" of his that you found out wasn't really his cousin at all. Ask him why he feels like he has to lie to you, and that this wouldn't even have been an issue if he would have come clean. Let him know that you know he loves you, but that you also must have trust in order to maintain a healthy marriage. He doesn't need to "protect you" from hearing about ex-girlfriends, they are bound to be there. But it's a lot easier for us to accept things like that when men are upfront and honest about it.

Good luck hun, I hope everything works out and he can understand where you're coming from.

Rosie H

replied on November 8th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Hello there, so how are you doing? How are things between you husband?

I wish you well....

Marianne0558

replied on November 8th, 2007

Supporter

I just wanted to comment about "143736"
It DOES mean "I love you forever and always"
1= I
4= Love
3= You
and so on...
It goes by how many letters are in each word.

Sounds fishy to me.

x-bad

replied on November 9th, 2007

New User

Marianne0558 wrote:

I just wanted to comment about "143736"
It DOES mean "I love you forever and always"
1= I
4= Love
3= You
and so on...
It goes by how many letters are in each word.

Sounds fishy to me.

Omg wow, I've never noticed that before. Thanks!

We had a serious talk about this a week ago.. and he says they're just friends and I shouldn't have to worry about unimportant things like that.. and I believe him.
Well, this morning we were getting ready for work and he got another IM from her .. asking why he's not responding to her IM's and emails.. how he is doing, when he's going back to California to visit his family, maybe they can met up for dinner, and how his marriage life is..

He quickly responded back by saying.. He's never been more happier and that we just bought a home and can't wait to get settled in.

Ok so, how do I get this woman to stay out of our life? She is best friends with my husbands sister, so what should I do? Should I call her and tell her to back off? I'm starting to wonder if her husband knows what she's doing behind his back.

Thanks to everyone in advance.

The Mrs

replied on November 9th, 2007

Experienced User

As much as this situation would make my insides boil, I think that you can trust your husband. He obviously hasn't been responding to her since she sent him an IM asking about it. Why don't you just ask your husband if he could send her a message saying something along the lines of, "I think it would be more respectful to my wife if we didn't speak any longer". That way she hears it from him. If she really isn't important to him, being this straightforward shouldn't bother him... right? Smile

Especially if it'll make you feel better.

And congrats on buying a home! Very Happy

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