Comfort Needed After Breakup - BF was A Cheater!

Hi.

I am so sorry for what happened to you. I have a cousin who was married to a control freak and she was miserable. Out of the blue, after 16 years of marriage he decided he didn't want to be married anymore. Just like you she was devastated (this has been a few years now) and I think she's finally coming out of it.

Based on what you've written, you are absolutely better off without him. I'm not certain I approve of your method of finding out but OTOH I don't think he would have ever come clean with you. And to leave you with a STD--that is beyond reprehensible!

First off, you need to tie this guy up legally so that he supports your daughter. Don't let him wriggle out of his responsibility. If you can do it, don't let this guy have any visitation rights. He probably wouldn't use them anyway. He may be her biological father but that's it.

My "First Love" and I were together for just over four years--we were planning on getting married five years to the day we met. Had we done so I would be dead now, having put a bullet through my head. Looking back on it now (and we're talking 27 years ) he was terribly insecure and jealous that I had gone to college and he didn't (he dropped out after his first semester). It didn't bother me that he had a blue-collar job but I guess it did nim. He really knew how to emotionally manipulate me--every argument we had was my fault and he had me convinced I was a bad person. I even went to a psychiatrist to find out why I was so bad. After awhile I realized the problem was him and started to stand up for myself. When the end came I was still devastated.

So, what did I do? I cried, I quit eating, I didn't sleep and when I did I would have dreams about him. I also kept a journal and poured out my heart (that was great comfort). I was also fortunate to have a support system of friends who were lifesavers.

If you have friends, now is the time to start calling in favors. Just to have them over will lift your spirits as you guys commismerate (sp?).

To put it coldly, this guy was a habit (unfortunately, a bad one) that you picked up and now you have to breakt. It won't be easy for awhile (I think it took me at least six months to get over my "loss") and you'll have to work through the pain yourself but the fact that you've said you're standing strong means you're on your jouney to healing.

Try and find something every day to be happy about. It doesn't have to be anything big, just things like seeing your daughter smile, or watching a beautiful sunrise, walking through the autumn leaves (if that applies). If you can appreciate the small things the time will come when you'll tear the shroud that has you wrapped.

If you need to talk feel free to PM me. You can cry on my shoulder (I'm old enough to be your mom anyway).

Good luck and keep posting.