Need Help/advice With Previous Partners Vaginismus Posted: 10-08-07 15:40pm
My previous partner suffers from
vaginismus. Incase you didn't know what
that is...
"Vaginismus is a condition which affects a
woman's ability to engage in any form of
vaginal penetration, including sexual
penetration, insertion of tampons, and the
penetration involved in gynecological
examinations. This is the result of a
conditioned reflex of the pubococcygeus
muscle, which is sometimes referred to as
the 'PC muscle'. The reflex causes the
muscles in the vagina to tense suddenly,
which makes any kind of vaginal
penetration -- including sexual
penetration -- either painful or
impossible."
My previous partner and myself were both
each others 'firsts' in terms of being
intimate together. We both loved each
other dearly, and were/are still the
closest of friends, which is a good thing.
It's just friends now, nothing more.
We are no longer together and strictly
speaking my previous partners vaginismus
doesn't really affect me anymore but I
still feel useless. I feel like I was the
cause and effect of my previous partners
vaginismus, and that has had a knock on
effect onto me until this day- have I
wrecked this girls life? Was I ever
actually any support to her? I am
physically turned off the idea of opening
myself up to anyone again in this way and
becoming intimate with them incase I
destroy their life and sexual health as
well.
I also have extremely low self esteem and
just wish I could walk around with a paper
bag on my head more often than not. I know
my previous partner does not find me
attractive anymore either, but I suppose I
shouldn't be bothered about this because
we are just friends now but sometimes I
can't help thinking maybe this
non-attraction was part of the problem?
We are (and will still remain) the best of
friends, we were perfect for each other,
but these things come to an end and we
still have the friendship which is great
in itself.
I will be extremely happy when my previous
partner finally achieves her goal and
overcomes her problem, and when she can
enjoy a full sex life with her future
partner. I will be very jealous I think as
well though as we shared so much together
and I opened up my soul and we went
through all of the heartache of
discovering/going through the vaginismus
together, but we never managed to have
full intercourse and knowing I will never
be able to do that with her makes me sad
sometimes because we went through so much
together.
However, at the end of the day when I
think about it I will just be happy when
she is happy and finds someone she finds
attractive and to make her happy. For now
it hurts though, but that is to be
expected, I just feel useless as I've
said, like I didn't help enough when we
were together.
I just feel like any future girl I get
intimate with will tell me I'm a terrible
lover because I've not had intercourse and
I'm worried any future girl that might
show an interest in me that I could
destroy their life too by causing them a
possible problem with vaginismus or
something.
I am just 22 and know things will get
better I just need to overcome all of this
and ride it out I guess. At least it is a
blessing that this previous partner of
mine and myself can still be close friends
and communicate about these things if and
when we need to.
I just want to be there for my previous
partner. However I know it is not
appropriate for me to be there in that way
anymore, so I must move on and be
confident that she will be okay.
I am just finding it hard to get past this
and worry about my previous partners
problems as we still care about each other
as people inevitably do.
Thank you so much for reading, if anyone
responds at all with advice on any ways to
get through this I would be so greatful. I
hope this is in the right forum as I am
not too sure due to the nature of the
topic.
