Is There a 3 Year Barrier to Intimate Relationships? Posted: 10-08-07 02:23am
Im 30 and just broke up with my gf a month
ago. I was in denial and it finally hit
me that either life sucks without being in
a relationship, or I truly miss
her...still working on that. I was
writing down my thoughts and decided to
Google "breaking up sucks". This place
was the first result, and apparently the
right one. You guys are in the same
mental state I am in.
We were together a little over 3 years,
and my 2 or 3 SERIOUS relationships lasted
about the same amount of time.
Is there some real pattern thats already
been established as fact that some kind of
biology kicks in and pulls people apart?
Have other people seen this pattern?
Seems like if you dont get married or have
a child (leading you to marry), there is a
3 year barrier to intimate relationships.
Thanks for any thoughts, I hope you are
all doing well.
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2758 Location: ,
Thanks: 19
Thanked:18
Posted: 10-08-07 06:16am
most of my breakups have been of actually
after the third month...
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entices1
Supporter
Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 120 Location: North Florida, USA
Time Limit On Relationships Posted: 10-10-07 17:32pm
Hi:
First off, I'm writing from "the other
side"--I'm prolly old enough to be your
mom and have gone through my share of
heartbreaks (and they don't stop when one
marries).
My first "True Love" and I were together
for just over four years. We were
planning on marrying five years to the day
we met (the date would have been on a
Saturday) but had we married I would have
put a bullet in my head. Thank heavens
that one's in the distant past (27 or so
years ago--how time flies).
Since then my relationships (prior to
meeting the guy who was fool enough to
marry me) were usually a matter of months
and rarely was I given any explanation of
why it was suddenly over.
As far as "term limits", it could just be
that those relationships were not meant to
last "forever" (however you define it).
If you can get analytical with yourself
(divorce yourself from the hurt), go back
through the relationships and see if you
can a common thread in them that caused
them to last about the same amount of
time.
1. Did your "True Love" start to change
in a way you weren't happy with (or vice
versa)?
2. If you had an increasing number of
fights towards the end (which I did with
my first TL), what was/were the fight(s)
about?
3. Did either of you develop a separate
enough life from the other such that you
preferred life alone to life with the
other?
4. Did either of you have friends that
the other one didn't like that may have
gotten in the way?
5. Did either of you have some kind of
behavior that derailed the relationship?
6. How was communication? Did you both
talk heart-to-heart about things that were
important to you, some possibly painful?
I didn't marry until I was 38 and had
figured I never would. Didn't bother me
at all--I got a great deal accomplished
before I married and I wouldn't have
changed anything for the world. My
now-husband and I waited five years before
we were married. I know I was terribly
cautious because I was so scarred from my
first "True Love" that I wasn't going to
make the same mistake twice if I could
help it. I needed to see him in as many
different situations as I could before I
could truly commit.
You don't say how old you are, I'm guess
mid-20s? I just don't think your number
has come up yet. What kind of support
system do you have? I'd start taking
advantage of it--your friends see sides of
you that you don't realize exist and might
be able to give you some suggestions,
especially any female friends. They
definitely see sides of you that your male
friends don't.
I hope this helps. Please keep
posting--PM me if you want.
