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Want to Leave Boyfriend of 5 Years

I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years, and he is verbally abusive towards me. He constantly picks out all of my flaws and he thinks it is okay, and that there is nothing wrong with doing that. He never wants to take me places or treat me to a nice dinner. He doesn't really like doing anything that involves money (so our relationship is very boring.) He often gets mad about money. I don't think that there is anything wrong with saving your money, but it's ok to have a life too. He constantly picks fights with me when I am minding my own business. I know that there are tons of other guys out there, but I have been with him for so long that it is just comfortable to stay in this relationship. I know life is better then this. But I just don't know how to break-up with him and it makes me really depressed to think of a life like this forever. Please help me!!
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replied October 7th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Leave him. From what you are saying about the verbal abuse and him picking you apart he's just as unhappy as he is making you. Don't draw it out just do it and be honest to him and yourself for the reasons you are leaving. You don't deserve to be treated that way. Sometimes verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse. My ex started being very verbally abusive and he did it so much that I got used to it and it didn't bother me anymore. I bascially ignored him which made him up the ante and start being physical. It started out to be "little accidents" like grabbing my hands a bit too hard and then turned into full blown abuse. Please be careful.

In the meantime, if you work to earn your money than you are more than entitled to spend it. Yeah, it's great to save money for a rainy day, but it's nice to spend it while it's sunny too.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do and keep us posted. We're always here to talk or for support if you need to.
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replied November 9th, 2007
That kinds sounds like my ex and I. He verbally and emotionally abused me for 5 years, every time we got in a fight, it ended up with me breaking up with him. I'll try to leave.. but he'll grab me and pin me down.. and wouldn't let me go until I forgave him. It got so bad to the point where he even started stalking me..

Definitely leave him. Its only going to get worst. No one deserves to be treated like that. Talk to a friend or tell a family member, make sure someone knows. Are you guys living together?

It was hard for me to give up a 5 year relationship but I did it.. and now I'm married to a man who would go the the ends of the world for me.

Good luck.
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replied November 15th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
why is it really that hard to breakup? Do you financially depend on him? I would just call friend or family pack my things and leave the house.
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replied September 6th, 2010
Leaving your boyfriend
I want to leave my boyfriend and never thought that I would have tolerated the things I have. There is no one to blame except myself since I put myself in a bad position. I gave up my job, friends and my apartment to come to a different state about 800 miles from where I used to live. Here is not very nice, though I have finally made a couple friends, but they're not really able to help me. The job is MUCH worse than I thought it would be (I transferred within a major corporation) and the family that he has here that was supposed to have supported us and me and be there for us has not been. They didn't even really acknowledge my birthday. The guy I am with is immature, smokes weed or uses alcohol almost every day. We have gotten into a lot of fights about his drug use. He makes a big deal very often about how he is going to quit, then when I smell it on him or notice he is high he says he doesn't see what the big deal is. I feel like he has lied to me about it many times, and is lying to himself that the reasons he is using alcohol and drugs is holding him back from any productivity in his life. We've lived together for about 10 months now and he still hasn't gotten his own car, then complains about having to deal with his dad since he is driving his dad's car. I have wanted to leave so many times when arguments turn into him flipping out, finishing my sentences for me with the most immature hurtful crap that I would never say, not letting me finish my points, if I leave the house so that we have some space to think he texts me over and over and calls with changing moods like "I can't do this" to "I'm sorry." I think there is something really wrong with him. I feel abused, hurt, alone. Just a few days ago he asked me to not go back to where I am from because he doesn't want to be without me. Since then he has let me down a handful of times with not doing what he said, saying we'd go out and do something together, or he'd make me cookies that I asked for. Instead, every night he stays up too late playing world of warcraft and drinking with his online "friends." The only people he talks with regularly are losers - no jobs, in abusive relationships, drug and alcohol use problems. I just realized this the other day, he has no good friends and doesn't seem to care a whit if I am around. This is a 180 from when we were first together and he was superman, loving, affectionate, doting, thoughtful, drug- free. I can't get a hold of anyone where I used to work to transfer back, would have to spend a fortune to move and a lot more that I just don';t feel like typing out. So I can understand why it is hard for someone to leave. I never thought I would be that person, but now I understand.
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replied December 19th, 2011
Leaving boyfriend
You sound so much like me! I transferred jobs also, same thing happened in the same amount of time! Yes he was great in the beginning! We went everywhere together! I took him on an island vacation, helped fix his cars,moved to cold cold New York from beautiful San Diego to be with him and he is the same as your boyfriend except its Wolfenstein on the computer!! When i say i am moving home he tells me how awful he is and how i would be better off without him etc, but then begs me to give him another chance! Same with the family stuff too! The similarities are scary!! I was active and happy, now i am closing myself off and depressed, I don't surf or ski here because he doesn't want to and if i go alone i am shaking my ass and trying to pick up guys!! You are not the only one!! (Right now he said he would make me a cup of tea after i worked all day-but he's on his game!!-wont be getting that anytime soon) Leave i guess?? I think I might have to, they obviously doesn't appreciate us??
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replied April 1st, 2011
4 years in a relationship but feeling lost
I've never posted anything but seeing your comments made me think that you might really help me with my concerns.

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and a half and i've been having second thoughts of leaving him but really don't know what to do. He has so many good things ... he is down to earth, never sets eyes on other girls, plans dinners on special occassions, brainy and has a steady job. So I feel that I shouldn't ask for more.

What I find really difficult is that he does not communicate much. He does not talk much, rarely says I love you, does not cuddle me, at times I feel as though im just talking to myself coz he will just look blank, sometimes we are driving and the whole road he doesn't utter a word so I ask him about his day at work etc etc and he does not keep eye contact AT ALL.

Then what happens is that he resorts to drinking and with the slightest 'complaint' from my side, (which would be something like 'do you love me? why don't you say it?), he tends to burst, misunderstand me totally and say a whole lot of really stupid things. Before he used to keep complaining the following day too. Now, he is improving a bit coz the following day he would call and apologise for saying so many stupid things and admit that he was drunk.

Plus he is really a mummy's boy. She texts him all the time we are out (which is not that bad, but I got sick of him texting while others are trying to make a conversation with him).

I'm really lost. I've been his only steady girlfriend, he never had a long relationship before which I feel I should be even more grateful, yet at the same time there is that emptiness due to the lack of communication. I apologise if this is too long or boring.
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replied April 4th, 2011
It's difficult to see your options when you're inside the "box" like you are. However, it's pretty clear what the answer is to your problem is - leave. Get out. Run. You'll probably think you are not strong enough to do it now, but you have the power. Believe in yourself!
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replied February 21st, 2013
relationship
I have been with my partner now for 4 yrsm we have a beautiful 4 month old baby boy together, but hes abusive when his tempers kicks in and blames me by saying i know the buttons, his ex is still in the picture as they have 2 kids together which i accept , she seems to love the fact she can ring on him for every little thing. we argue about her alot. esp when sopmethings not about the kids. I need to leave him i know i do to have a better future with my son but its not that easy, always easy to say. whats the best way to leave??
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replied March 15th, 2013
Sometimes I find that abusers will constantly put you down so that when they do bring you back up you will be so happy that they did that you will depend on them and their praises. Someone who abuses you wants to put you down so they can be the only one who brings you back up. It is a twisted way of thinking but many of us fall into the trap of staying with this because we look past the times of abuse when we see one single time of praise from that person. In reality you deserve this praise all the time not abuse.
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