Hi, I suffered greatly from PTSD. My PTSD was a result of my experiences with 9/11 and my experiences in New Orleans following Katrina. PTSD was very confusing and I had no idea what was happening to me. I consider myself lucky. I don't drink or use drugs, but I was growing incredibly irritable and impossible to live with. I would become so angry over the smallest things that I would nearly black out from my anger. Most people knew me as a very quiet and generous person, but here's an example of how PTSD was tearing apart my life: we missed the pay date on a credit card bill and were charged a late fee of only $30. I was so enraged I tore a door of its hinges obviously costing me more in repairs than the $30. My therapist said, emotinally, I had no reserve. I was functioning, but I had reached my limit.
Now I couldn't figure out why I was acting this way, but that's not what brought me to a therapist. Whenever co-workers or people learned I had very personal experiences with 9/11 and Katrina, they would ask me a lot of questions. If people around me would comment, "why can't those people (New Yorkers or others affected) just get over it." You could imagine my response to them.
Sometimes though, I was being asked by a boss or it would come up at a business meeting. I felt myself re-living the event and sometimes couldn't control myself and start crying - even though in both events, I was able to complete the tasks I had to complete, keep my teams safe and I never broke down. Of course, even now, I would have vivid nightmares of what I witnessed, but I thought that was perfectly normal. The crying in front of colleagues was a bit much for me, so I decided to see a therapist through my employers Employee Assistance Program. It was there I was diagnosed with PTSD.
I'll never regret going to that therapist, but I will tell you, it was unnerving living the events in front of the poor guy and hearing him struggle to contain his own emotion. I actually feel badly for putting the poor super guy through it, but I had to do it and I may have to do it again. Some may start drinking or using drugs, but for me, I feel a strange edginess. Instead of just yelling at the guy that cut me off, I may chase them and veer my car toward theirs, narrowly escaping a collision.
I guess the thing I want to communicate is, be very supportive of your spouse if he/she decides to learn about why they're acting very strangely. Understand that it may be a long road they have to travel. Don't bother asking them to relive the nightmare in front of you. It actually could be very traumatizing to you. I feel like it may have been for my therapist.
One last thing, thank you to your family for their sacrifice in serving. Others may have forgotten why we're there, but as you can guess, I haven't forgotten.
