this really needed to be said =)

I agree.

I'm new, but I've seen so many posts on here whining about how their husband/girlfriend/boyfriend is Bipolar, and how horrible it is for them.
Firstly, as you said, it's not only the bipolar, but the person themselves.
Secondly, these people should have a little empathy for people with bipolar. It's not easy, and they are not purposefully acting in a negative way to hurt the person they love.
Thirdly, if you truly love someone, you love them for everything, the good and the bad.

My partner is wonderful, I have no idea why he is still with me.
I am constantly jealous, paranoid, argumentative, etc. Yet when I ask him why he is still with me, why he has put up with me for so long, he replies that he doesn't put up with me, he cherishes me.
Sure, our relationship is rocky at times, and we have tried to end it. But so is every relationship.

If you are in a relationship with a person with bipolar, then you have the right to support and assistance. You have the right to answers.
You do not have the right, however, to blame bipolar for every bad thing your partner does; discriminate/warn others away from entering relationships with bipolar sufferers; whine about how horrible your partner is, without showing the slightest empathy.

Having a mental illness is not easy, its not optional, it doesn't go away.
If you think your life is tough, living with a person with bipolar, try being the person with bipolar.

You hit the nail right on the head. This is why I stay with my husband, regardless of bipolar disorder rearing its ugly head. I have told my husband that I love all of him, not just the happy parts. He is the love of my life & while bipolar disorder can cripple a relationship (if you let it), one can also learn to work with the disorder. If my husband gets upset or feels like he's dissociating, we talk about what he can do to help him reconnect with reality (e.g. listen to happy music, sit outside on the patio, walk the dog) & it often works. However, occasionally, he becomes very upset. That's when it's time for me to tuck him into bed so that he's no harm to himself.

Of course, after 6 yrs together, I've learned what works most & he's learned to tell me when something's wrong. Bipolar disorder definitely takes patience, but it's worth learning about someone when you truly love him/her.

BYD

i AGREE. i have bipolar and i am sick to death of people blaming the disease for there relationship problems.

Plus, a lot of the crap I've seen attributed to bipolar has nothign to DO with bipolar disorder!!! AND sometimes it's because the person doing the complaining has a bad "picker" or poor relationship skills, too, in which case you WILL get an explosive situation.

And people...it's not normal or healthy to say I love you after 5 dates. I wouldnt' move in with someone/get engaged and move in with my small child with soemone before I've known them a year. Soem of this stuff is common sense stuff that we ignore and then look for external reasons/excuses. SLOW DOWN!!!

And really..I think a lot fo it is that people--especially young women--don't VALUE themselves enough to DEMAND good treatment. To say, "yes, I like you too, but I have this knot in my gut when you talk abou tmoving in after such a short time." Stuff liek that. IT's OK to expect to be treated well and reasonably. To have the best. And NONE of that stuff is different if the person you are dating has a mental illness.

It seems that quite a bit of bipolar is coming out in this post. You seem absolutely consumed with rage about people trying to vent frustration with a very difficult issue. You say it should be common sense but then again your common sense and my common sense are probably worlds apart. I admit that there is alot of negativity and for lack of a better word"health forum" about bipolars on this site. But thats because they, we dont understand the absolutely bizarre behavior sometimes. Just like you dont understand us. The only difference is that we are trying to understand. And it seems utterly impossible for a bipolar to empathize or try to understand where we are coming from because its such a "waste of time" to try and see someone elses point of view. I am not an advocate for all of the negativity and I feel for you, I really do. There is such a stigma that comes along with bipolar and its not fair. Hey, 50 years ago you would have just been some oil tycoon and everyone would have just thought you were eccentric. But we live in modern times and this is how the world is now. Everyone has a disorder. Not just you.

i agree----and its not just bipolar that gets blamed--its any other disease too.makes me mad

I just dont know anymore with all the diseases and problems. Codependency,alcoholism,bipolar,depression ...is the whole world just walking around crazy? Everyone is so concerned with what they have that they are forgetting to just live. Your reality is the world that YOU live in. And if youre happy in that world, then who really cares right? I mean that right there is bipolar thinking at its finest, but I have to say, what a great place to be. Im sorry, its true. Ive been hurt as much as anyone by this disease but sometimes I have to agree with some of the stuff they say. Its an oversimplification of a very complicated issue. It makes me laugh when I say stuff to my wife and I know she understands what i am getting at but she purposely oversimplifies it as if to see if I am smart enough to catch it. Like" why didnt you just tell me you were going out with your sister, I was worried" and she is like" OH! Now youre worried about me hanging out with my sister!" Just totally twist it around on me! Classic! Keeps me on my toes. It has driven me to the brink of insanity, but talking about it is kind of helping. Its bringing me back to reality and lets me see that its not as bad as it seems sometimes. Its just another issue.1 of the millions. This is what Im talking about. I could talk about issues and disorders and diseases for the rest of my life and never understand half of it. Why do I even try?

because you are a fighter and you wont let it get to you

true. It has gotten to me but I am starting to feel better. Focusing on myself and not so much on others. The only thing to remember is that focusing on yourself doesnt mean being selfish. It doesnt mean screw everyone else. It just means take care of yourself first because you cant take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself. Its a hard lesson to learn because its so hard to believe. At least it was for me. That was nice to say though. Thanks.

if someone has autism or alzheimers do you expect them to function normally. if someone has depression do you expect it to not effect their friendships or lifestyle.
i agree to a certain extent but someone that has the disorder usually runs into problems and when its not compairable to most relationships it possibly is related to the fact they have bpd. so i definitly disagree with all that agree with jake.

Most of all relationships fail until you get married and of that 50% fail after that for the entire population. Relationships aren't easy things. Now I know plenty of relationships with two perfectly healthy people that are disfunctional. Is bipolar hard to deal with...yes...however if your boyfriend is spending too much time looking at porn or has a drinking problem...that isn't bipolar....if your complaining about depression and manic episodes...wild spending sprees etc...that probably is bipolar. The other thing that is wierd is choice...like because someone is bipolar they can't make a rational decision not to see someone anymore....that isn't the disease that's life. Get a helmet.

interesting.....I guess its confusing when they are HIGHLY functional in every other aspect except relationships...But heck thats the general population including me.

and one that i'm actually dealing with as we speak, but it's a two-fold. perhaps jake just got a bit carried away at first.

met my mr while going through a major episode, almost 2 years ago. i got engaged, moved in with my now husband who has never lived with ANY of his girlfriends, found out i have endometriosis,i had a laparoscopy surgery, founds out i'm infertile, have a non-cancerous fibroid (tumor) 6cm x 6cm weighing 58g in/on my uterus, my tubes are completely capped, planned wedding, worked, got married, went on honeymoon, had major surgery 10 days after honeymoon and found out i'm bipolar last week. and i'm currently in the last week of recovery. oh, and i'm trying to quit smoking. i know... that's life.

i had major abdominal surgery oct. 14th. dr said it's a 4-7 week recovery, depending on progress. my employer just sent me a tx message to check my email; i'm due back in the office on nov 26th. within this email my employers wife decides to lie about my pay while out of the office. we verbally agreed on 4 weeks paid max 2 to 3 days prior to my surgery; yes, i tried on several occasions to work it out with them. also, she said that i've been out of the office for some ridiculous amount which they never mentioned to me in writing or verbally that these days, some of which she can't account for, would be used against me. now, i am seriously considering moving ahead and getting away from a dysfunctional job that is not good for me. i have the experience and love of my craft, if anything. bipolar or not, i would never accept this treatment from any employer. period. technically, my being bipolar is keeping me out one week past the 4 week part but financially it's ok. my husband is miserable, he said so. i just started taking bipolar meds one week ago today. yes, you can function in one/several areas in your life with bipolar. i barely function now due to surgery and a breakdown last week. i have a signed dr's release. i guess what matters most to me is that my husband support my decision to find other employment. but he is so angry at me. i feel better each day and was looking forward to work. it's no good staying in one place for too long, home that is. HELP do i make sense? i don't know how to deal with myself or my husband right now. my father will cover any financial burden until i find some freelance work. heck, i could be making more money than husband in less than 3 months! he just wont give me any breaks anymore and we fight ALL the time. i'm emotional, haven't eaten today. he came home for lunch looking extremely uncomfortable. then he said that i could have gone back to work this week. true. but my fertility dr gave me an extra week so that i wouldn't have to explain my abrupt diagnosis and entire situation to my employers. i was relieved. and it falls within the average recovery time. now i get this text message to check my email..... darn, husband is due home soon. i have no clue what to say to him. how about, just because i'm bipolar doesn't mean that i have to put up with such caca and pressure. i have other ways of making money.

i'm new here. sorry if this doesn't make much sense. but i would like some feed back.

I agree even though sometimes episodes get in the way it doesn't mean it's such a major issue. It can be dealt with. The issue is if someone admits they have a mental disorder then others think they can blame anything on that. It's like if i pick up a soda and mix it with cranberry juice and drink it people are like "oh it's because she's crazy" but no really it's because I like the taste. It was a point and sort of still is where everyone brings up the fact that i'm bipolar, it's annoying.

Thats an interesting thing you just said about people blaming everything you do thats different on bpd. Its true that you can fall into a trap of blaming everything you dont like or think is different on bipolar, I guess as an excuse? I dont know. My wife has bipolar and we are going through an EXTREMELY difficult time right now. I ve been wanting to blame bipolar, I guess so maybe i wouldnt have to face the truth that things might be failing with or without this disorder being present. Thats a sad realization.

If a relationship that seems to be fine starts exhibiting strangeness, unexplainable, erratic, non-grounded in any type of reality strangeness, when can you attribute it to bipolarism vs. something else?

I'm just trying to understand how someone can be so wonderful, sweet, charming and forward-looking and then go completely off the radar. I understand that he needs time to himself, but would it really be so difficult to just call and tell me that he needs his space?

I'm at the point where I'm ready to end it all. I really care about him, and he says that he cares about me, but I'm tired of waiting around and being constantly disappointed.

Get a clue people. Bipolars have ABNORMAL brains. No relationship is easy but being bipolar makes it even harder. Doesnâ??t take a genius to figure out they can make your life a living hell. Just ask my bipolar girlfriend. [Edit] put me through crap and it had everything to do with her being bipolar!!! A complete angel in the beginning. A couple months later, BAM she blamed me for all sorts of crap. Stopped takin her medsâ?¦
Who needs do deal with that [edit] all the time?

Any of you with bipolar...How should I talk to my husband about having the disease without making him angry. I won't admit that there is anything wrong. What should I say to him?