Stop blaming relationship problems on Bipolar Dx. Posted: 10-06-07 08:24am
Everytime someone has a problem with a
relationship with someone with bipolar it
is instantly the disease's fault. This
disease doesn't discriminate it effects
nice guys as well as jerks equally. I'm
bipolar but have never cheated on anyone
or done any of the ridiculous things I've
read here that are being attributed to
people who suffer from the disease.
Instead of jumping and saying the person
has a mental illness and the person has
other issues....if only they didn't have
bipolar. I'm 29 and have two friends from
high school on their second marriages.
They are not bipolar something just didn't
work out. Why can't you first ask if its
a personality thing than instantly always
thinking everything would be perfect
without the disease.
That being said I know how the disease can
effect relationships. When I'm happy I'm
really happy and when I'm depressed I'm
suicidal....and I also have gone psychotic
twice...however some of the not so nice
things that have happened in my
relationships has been the fault of the
individuals within the relationship.
So before we go off and blame everything a
person says or do remember that people
with the disease are also human beings
which means they are going to have faults
that have nothing to do with the disease.
If you take the disease away you still
have a human being which has faults
foibles and issues unless your dating
Jesus.
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 10-06-07 09:03am
this really needed to be said =)
|
Monket
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 10 Location: , New Zealand
Posted: 10-07-07 06:02am
I agree.
I'm new, but I've seen so many posts on
here whining about how their
husband/girlfriend/boyfriend is Bipolar,
and how horrible it is for them.
Firstly, as you said, it's not only the
bipolar, but the person themselves.
Secondly, these people should have a
little empathy for people with bipolar.
It's not easy, and they are not
purposefully acting in a negative way to
hurt the person they love.
Thirdly, if you truly love someone, you
love them for everything, the good and the
bad.
My partner is wonderful, I have no idea
why he is still with me.
I am constantly jealous, paranoid,
argumentative, etc. Yet when I ask him why
he is still with me, why he has put up
with me for so long, he replies that he
doesn't put up with me, he cherishes me.
Sure, our relationship is rocky at times,
and we have tried to end it. But so is
every relationship.
If you are in a relationship with a person
with bipolar, then you have the right to
support and assistance. You have the right
to answers.
You do not have the right, however, to
blame bipolar for every bad thing your
partner does; discriminate/warn others
away from entering relationships with
bipolar sufferers; whine about how
horrible your partner is, without showing
the slightest empathy.
Having a mental illness is not easy, its
not optional, it doesn't go away.
If you think your life is tough, living
with a person with bipolar, try being the
person with bipolar.
|
BoneyardDiva
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Sep 2007 Posts: 72 Location: Nunya, USA
Posted: 10-07-07 09:55am
Monket
wrote:
if you truly love someone,
you love them for everything, the good and
the bad.
Yet when I ask him why he is still with
me, why he has put up with me for so long,
he replies that he doesn't put up with me,
he cherishes me.
You hit the nail right on the head. This
is why I stay with my husband, regardless
of bipolar disorder rearing its ugly head.
I have told my husband that I love all of
him, not just the happy parts. He is the
love of my life & while bipolar
disorder can cripple a relationship (if
you let it), one can also learn to work
with the disorder. If my husband gets
upset or feels like he's dissociating, we
talk about what he can do to help him
reconnect with reality (e.g. listen to
happy music, sit outside on the patio,
walk the dog) & it often works.
However, occasionally, he becomes very
upset. That's when it's time for me to
tuck him into bed so that he's no harm to
himself.
Of course, after 6 yrs together, I've
learned what works most & he's learned
to tell me when something's wrong. Bipolar
disorder definitely takes patience, but
it's worth learning about someone when you
truly love him/her.
BYD
|
little_lele89
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007 Posts: 56 Location: Aussie
Posted: 10-08-07 20:18pm
i AGREE. i have bipolar and i am sick to
death of people blaming the disease for
there relationship problems.
|
daffodil67
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 54 Location: , midsouth, usa (think presidential pair)
Posted: 11-02-07 07:49am
Plus, a lot of the crap I've seen
attributed to bipolar has nothign to DO
with bipolar disorder!!! AND sometimes
it's because the person doing the
complaining has a bad "picker" or poor
relationship skills, too, in which case
you WILL get an explosive situation.
And people...it's not normal or healthy to
say I love you after 5 dates. I wouldnt'
move in with someone/get engaged and move
in with my small child with soemone before
I've known them a year. Soem of this
stuff is common sense stuff that we ignore
and then look for external
reasons/excuses. SLOW DOWN!!!
And really..I think a lot fo it is that
people--especially young women--don't
VALUE themselves enough to DEMAND good
treatment. To say, "yes, I like you too,
but I have this knot in my gut when you
talk abou tmoving in after such a short
time." Stuff liek that. IT's OK to expect
to be treated well and reasonably. To
have the best. And NONE of that stuff is
different if the person you are dating has
a mental illness.
|
Barto
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Sep 2007 Posts: 17
Not Quite Sure But.. Posted: 11-08-07 16:20pm
It seems that quite a bit of bipolar is
coming out in this post. You seem
absolutely consumed with rage about people
trying to vent frustration with a very
difficult issue. You say it should be
common sense but then again your common
sense and my common sense are probably
worlds apart. I admit that there is alot
of negativity and for lack of a better
word"health forum" about bipolars on this
site. But thats because they, we dont
understand the absolutely bizarre behavior
sometimes. Just like you dont understand
us. The only difference is that we are
trying to understand. And it seems utterly
impossible for a bipolar to empathize or
try to understand where we are coming from
because its such a "waste of time" to try
and see someone elses point of view. I am
not an advocate for all of the negativity
and I feel for you, I really do. There is
such a stigma that comes along with
bipolar and its not fair. Hey, 50 years
ago you would have just been some oil
tycoon and everyone would have just
thought you were eccentric. But we live in
modern times and this is how the world is
now. Everyone has a disorder. Not just
you.
|
Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006 Posts: 4346 Location: post falls, id usa
Thanks: 93
Thanked:63
Posted: 11-08-07 16:25pm
i agree----and its not just bipolar that
gets blamed--its any other disease
too.makes me mad
|
Barto
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Sep 2007 Posts: 17
Posted: 11-08-07 16:40pm
I just dont know anymore with all the
diseases and problems.
Codependency,alcoholism,bipolar,depression
...is the whole world just walking around
crazy? Everyone is so concerned with what
they have that they are forgetting to just
live. Your reality is the world that YOU
live in. And if youre happy in that world,
then who really cares right? I mean that
right there is bipolar thinking at its
finest, but I have to say, what a great
place to be. Im sorry, its true. Ive been
hurt as much as anyone by this disease but
sometimes I have to agree with some of the
stuff they say. Its an oversimplification
of a very complicated issue. It makes me
laugh when I say stuff to my wife and I
know she understands what i am getting at
but she purposely oversimplifies it as if
to see if I am smart enough to catch it.
Like" why didnt you just tell me you were
going out with your sister, I was worried"
and she is like" OH! Now youre worried
about me hanging out with my sister!" Just
totally twist it around on me! Classic!
Keeps me on my toes. It has driven me to
the brink of insanity, but talking about
it is kind of helping. Its bringing me
back to reality and lets me see that its
not as bad as it seems sometimes. Its just
another issue.1 of the millions. This is
what Im talking about. I could talk about
issues and disorders and diseases for the
rest of my life and never understand half
of it. Why do I even try?
|
Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006 Posts: 4346 Location: post falls, id usa
Thanks: 93
Thanked:63
Posted: 11-08-07 16:41pm
because you are a fighter and you wont let
it get to you
|
Barto
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Sep 2007 Posts: 17
Posted: 11-08-07 16:46pm
true. It has gotten to me but I am
starting to feel better. Focusing on
myself and not so much on others. The only
thing to remember is that focusing on
yourself doesnt mean being selfish. It
doesnt mean screw everyone else. It just
means take care of yourself first because
you cant take care of anyone else unless
you take care of yourself. Its a hard
lesson to learn because its so hard to
believe. At least it was for me. That was
nice to say though. Thanks.
|
abnrmlmind
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 55
Posted: 11-09-07 11:12am
if someone has autism or alzheimers do you
expect them to function normally. if
someone has depression do you expect it to
not effect their friendships or lifestyle.
i agree to a certain extent but someone
that has the disorder usually runs into
problems and when its not compairable to
most relationships it possibly is related
to the fact they have bpd. so i
definitly disagree with all that agree
with jake.
|
Jake3463
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Aug 2007 Posts: 28 Location: Allentown
the Point I'm Trying to Make Posted: 11-11-07 17:55pm
Most of all relationships fail until you
get married and of that 50% fail after
that for the entire population.
Relationships aren't easy things. Now I
know plenty of relationships with two
perfectly healthy people that are
disfunctional. Is bipolar hard to deal
with...yes...however if your boyfriend is
spending too much time looking at porn or
has a drinking problem...that isn't
bipolar....if your complaining about
depression and manic episodes...wild
spending sprees etc...that probably is
bipolar. The other thing that is wierd is
choice...like because someone is bipolar
they can't make a rational decision not to
see someone anymore....that isn't the
disease that's life. Get a helmet.
|
Angel1969
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2007 Posts: 15
Posted: 11-13-07 07:47am
interesting.....I guess its confusing when
they are HIGHLY functional in every other
aspect except relationships...But heck
thats the general population including me.
|
puzzld
Supporter
Joined: 19 Nov 2007 Posts: 220 Location: gulf coast =), USA
It's a Valid Point... Posted: 11-19-07 18:14pm
and one that i'm actually dealing with as
we speak, but it's a two-fold. perhaps
jake just got a bit carried away at first.
met my mr while going through a major
episode, almost 2 years ago. i got
engaged, moved in with my now husband who
has never lived with ANY of his
girlfriends, found out i have
endometriosis,i had a laparoscopy surgery,
founds out i'm infertile, have a
non-cancerous fibroid (tumor) 6cm x 6cm
weighing 58g in/on my uterus, my tubes are
completely capped, planned wedding,
worked, got married, went on honeymoon,
had major surgery 10 days after honeymoon
and found out i'm bipolar last week. and
i'm currently in the last week of
recovery. oh, and i'm trying to quit
smoking. i know... that's life.
i had major abdominal surgery oct. 14th.
dr said it's a 4-7 week recovery,
depending on progress. my employer just
sent me a tx message to check my email;
i'm due back in the office on nov 26th.
within this email my employers wife
decides to lie about my pay while out of
the office. we verbally agreed on 4 weeks
paid max 2 to 3 days prior to my surgery;
yes, i tried on several occasions to work
it out with them. also, she said that i've
been out of the office for some ridiculous
amount which they never mentioned to me in
writing or verbally that these days, some
of which she can't account for, would be
used against me. now, i am seriously
considering moving ahead and getting away
from a dysfunctional job that is not good
for me. i have the experience and love of
my craft, if anything. bipolar or not, i
would never accept this treatment from any
employer. period. technically, my being
bipolar is keeping me out one week past
the 4 week part but financially it's ok.
my husband is miserable, he said so. i
just started taking bipolar meds one week
ago today. yes, you can function in
one/several areas in your life with
bipolar. i barely function now due to
surgery and a breakdown last week. i have
a signed dr's release. i guess what
matters most to me is that my husband
support my decision to find other
employment. but he is so angry at me. i
feel better each day and was looking
forward to work. it's no good staying in
one place for too long, home that is. HELP
do i make sense? i don't know how to deal
with myself or my husband right now. my
father will cover any financial burden
until i find some freelance work. heck, i
could be making more money than husband in
less than 3 months! he just wont give me
any breaks anymore and we fight ALL the
time. i'm emotional, haven't eaten today.
he came home for lunch looking extremely
uncomfortable. then he said that i could
have gone back to work this week. true.
but my fertility dr gave me an extra week
so that i wouldn't have to explain my
abrupt diagnosis and entire situation to
my employers. i was relieved. and it falls
within the average recovery time. now i
get this text message to check my
email..... darn, husband is due home soon.
i have no clue what to say to him. how
about, just because i'm bipolar doesn't
mean that i have to put up with such caca
and pressure. i have other ways of making
money.
i'm new here. sorry if this doesn't make
much sense. but i would like some feed
back.
|
pebbles07
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2007 Posts: 37 Location: ,
Posted: 11-29-07 02:58am
I agree even though sometimes episodes get
in the way it doesn't mean it's such a
major issue. It can be dealt with. The
issue is if someone admits they have a
mental disorder then others think they can
blame anything on that. It's like if i
pick up a soda and mix it with cranberry
juice and drink it people are like "oh
it's because she's crazy" but no really
it's because I like the taste. It was a
point and sort of still is where everyone
brings up the fact that i'm bipolar, it's
annoying.
|
Barto
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Sep 2007 Posts: 17
Pebbles Posted: 12-03-07 08:19am
Thats an interesting thing you just said
about people blaming everything you do
thats different on bpd. Its true that you
can fall into a trap of blaming everything
you dont like or think is different on
bipolar, I guess as an excuse? I dont
know. My wife has bipolar and we are going
through an EXTREMELY difficult time right
now. I ve been wanting to blame bipolar, I
guess so maybe i wouldnt have to face the
truth that things might be failing with or
without this disorder being present. Thats
a sad realization.
|
greenseaglass
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jul 2007 Posts: 3
Answer This... Posted: 12-03-07 17:06pm
If a relationship that seems to be fine
starts exhibiting strangeness,
unexplainable, erratic, non-grounded in
any type of reality strangeness, when can
you attribute it to bipolarism vs.
something else?
I'm just trying to understand how someone
can be so wonderful, sweet, charming and
forward-looking and then go completely off
the radar. I understand that he needs
time to himself, but would it really be so
difficult to just call and tell me that he
needs his space?
I'm at the point where I'm ready to end it
all. I really care about him, and he says
that he cares about me, but I'm tired of
waiting around and being constantly
disappointed.
|
Lavoraz
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1
Bipolar health forum Posted: 12-04-07 12:24pm
Get a clue people. Bipolars have ABNORMAL
brains. No relationship is easy but being
bipolar makes it even harder. Doesnâ??t
take a genius to figure out they can make
your life a living hell. Just ask my
bipolar girlfriend. [Edit] put me through
crap and it had everything to do with her
being bipolar!!! A complete angel in the
beginning. A couple months later, BAM she
blamed me for all sorts of crap. Stopped
takin her medsâ?¦
Who needs do deal with that [edit] all the
time?
|
tiff32
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Dec 2007 Posts: 2
Can Anyone Tell Me Posted: 12-15-07 00:41am
Any of you with bipolar...How should I
talk to my husband about having the
disease without making him angry. I won't
admit that there is anything wrong. What
should I say to him?
