This all started last year when my friends ignored me for a couple of months, my parents told my they were getting seperated, and my best friend moved to another country on the other side of the world...
I get into these little moods and I think about how suicide would be nice and how I would do it and listen to my favorite song while I brought a gun to my head. And I just lay in my room for hours in the dark listening to the same songs, crying. Recently I started cutting my thighs, too. I always hated my thighs so I thought I would make them beautiful by carving arrows and x's into them. It's not like I make deep gashes intot hem or anything, I just scratch the skin until it bleeds and puffs up. During school I don't really want to talk to people I just want to sit there and draw or sleep, thne people get irritated and ask why I'm always sad. I just feel like lifes really boring and I don't really like any of my friends anymore.. thier so superficial. I also restricted my calories to 500 because I'm sick of being so fat and ugly, so now I get headaches all the time and I just feel tired. I don't really think I'm depressed.. I just don't know anymore. I'm confused, I guess. Could someone please tell me whats wrong? Or willt his just go away eventually.
It sounds like your still in HS... I used to be close to the same, I didnt talk to people in school, just absorbed myself in books. I didnt have any friends either. Boredom sounds like a major part of why you are cutting yourself... You do need to take a deep look inside yourself and realize why it is you are feeling this way... for me it was the loss of my father when I was 10, after confronting and realizeing what the problem is it becomes a road of recovery, I would also talk to councelors in school if you have any available. If not, though its hard, tell your parrent that you NEED to see a councelor, if you dont feel like useing the word theripist, When I was in HS I found my councelors to be awesome, extreamly helpful... And as for the diet you have placed yourself on. Its a very unhealthy one. I have taken dietary classes and know how to build a good diet... find your base line requirements. And take off about 500 a day for calories, NOT reduce it to 500, if you go that low, you will actually run risks of passing out... as well as harming your stomache as it begins to feed off of your body muscles. COnverting not fat, but muscle to energy, since it burns a lot nicer... its ok not to like your weight, but dealing with it in a healthy way is key I lost almost 50 pounds just by watching the fat content of what I ate... another big thing, cut fat out of your diet, not ALL of it, but things that are high in fat. I hope that helped
It sounds like you are depressed and also have some body image issues. It's pretty common in your age group. The bast thing to do would to seek help. During adolescence, sometimes the chemicals in your brain that make you happy and sad can get out of balance as well as adolescence being a very emotional time in your life. It sounds like medications may help you and you can talk to your doctor about that, you won't have to be on them forever, just until you get yourself out of your rut and start feeling better about yourself. Many times depression is a downward spiral that won't stop until you change something in your life but don't get discouraged as this is an easily fixed problem with the right help. As for restricting calories, this may be adding to your depression as you said you get headaches and you always feel tired. This is a result of your body not getting enough nutrients to take care of itself. You can start from either side, either choosing to focus on your depression or your body image but I'm sure that when one problem begins to be solved, your body and your mind will start to feel better.
Please my darling you go get yourself some help now, there are people out there that will understand and help you resolve your problems , and lead you onto an healthy path to recovery, i dont think you can do this alone though im sure you find some comfort in talking here, there are very kind supportive people on here who you can reach out to, but you must try to get professional help to.
good luck hun, i have a niece who went through same thing as your going through my dear and its been a very difficult time for her' but she hangs on in there with the love and help from her family and professionals.
I don't know if you'll ever see this (considering it was 2007 since it was posted), but I would like to let you know that as soon as I read this, my mouth dropped and my eyes watered. I was awestruck, becasue you just described how I feel. You see, since last year, my friends have been ignoring me. I've felt so alone and I I feel like I could die and they would never know. I get into moods to where I just wan't to kill myself. I'll lay in bed for hours looking at my ceiling, day-dreaming about my suicide. At night, I lay in the dark and cry while listening to my favorite songs. I'm proud enough to say that I've stopped cutting my thighs for 5 months now. I would strach my wrists and cut my legs just enough to be able to see blood. For some reason the sight of blood calmed myself, and it made me feel alive. I would carve hearts and stars into them. Till this day, I still have scars in the shape of hearts on my upper legs. I am also like you, because at school I would sit and draw or lay my head down on the desk while my friends would talk amoungst themselves, not even paying attention to me. I hated/hate my self image. I would go all day without eating or I would eat an apple for lunch and that was it. After 2 days without water/food I realised that I wouldn't let myself get this bad again. I don't know if it has gotten better for you, but it does go away if you want it to. In order to stop cutting and feel happy, I had to stop what I was doing and say to myself- "This is not who I want to be." I'm sure that you have/had depression, but usually it is temporary, and it can be triggered by stress or prolonged sadness. Today, I wish you best wishes.