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Q: 17 And Pregnant, Need Opinions/advice.
asked by: cwilliams41 on October 4th, 2007
New User
Okay first off I'm 17 and I recently found out I'm pregnant. But before I go into more detail about that, I'll tell you the root of the problem.

When I was 14 I was raped by an older boyfriend and ended up being pregnant. My mom didn't believe I was raped because I had waited so long to tell her. My mom had me at 16 and she wants the complete opposite life for me. I was so young and uneducated I thought because I was under 18 whatever she said I would have to do, now I know better. She told me to get an abortion, like an emotionless zombie I went along with it, I didn't understand anything I was getting myself into. She told me if I became pregnant again that I would be hopeless, alone, and I'd be getting another abortion. I believe at the time it was the best that could happen but I will admit to wanting that baby with every part of my soul.

I met this guy who knows everything about me, even more than I know about myself and we've been together for close to 3 years. About a year and a half ago we started having sex. The closer we got to eachother the more carefree we became and now you find me here today.

I need advice on when and how I should tell my mom. I wanted to wait until after I was able to go to like a prenatal check up and make sure everything was okay beforehand. I also wanted to know if they do check ups for pregnant teens without parental consent. I believe I'm about 6 weeks.

I've held 2 jobs consistently for over a year, have my license/car, in a very supportive relationship... So I know I'm way more ready than I was at 14. I know I can do it with tons of hard work.

I just want my mom to see that, and maybe be supportive. But shes not the kind of person who is, she's the type of person who would kick me out.

How can I get her to understand I need her help?
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Mabel
replied on October 4th, 2007
Moderator
You can go to the doctor without your mom knowing anything about it.

Sadly, you cannot change your mom's opinion or how she is going to deal with this. Be prepared for her to be angry. Be prepared for her to ask you 1,000 questions.

And, sweetie, I know you may not understand why she is the way she is, but it is coming from love. She wants better for you than she had. The same way you will want better for your child than you had.
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princess_b
replied on October 4th, 2007
New User
What Ever
hey im 17 im do in 6 weeks. i got pregnat at 16.i knew my mom wasnt going to like it but the hell what she thinks.i wanted this baby im ready for this baby and me and my baby daddy are still together unlike my mom said we would. if you belive you can handel this then you can dont let nobody tell you diffrent not even yo mamma. medical question what every body else thinnk.
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princess_b
replied on October 4th, 2007
New User
And
what your mom has to understand is that you have your own life and she cant live hers through you.have your baby you can do it.
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cwilliams41
replied on October 4th, 2007
New User
thanks.
i really want to just tell her. the more i've been reading peoples stories on here is giving me the courage. i think i might write her a letter so I can get all my feelings out without her interrupting me and then like go to work or something. so she can simmer with herself.

i want to stop hiding it. because i want to tell the world =).
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amylyn
replied on October 5th, 2007
New User
I am 12 and I am in my 6th week of pregnancy.I advice you to wait until you are in 3rd month,so she won't be able to make you have an abortion.
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chelseaandco
replied on October 5th, 2007
New User
you should maybe tell her at about 12 to 15 weeks that is when im going tom tell mine!! im 8 weeks and 6 days pregnant and loving every minute of it xx
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jessamyn
replied on October 5th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Simply put if abortion is a key option in your life with your mom and you are a minor andd you wnat to keep this child then you need to think of your options. You need to have a plan of action. You need to be prepared for everything se will ask you and hoe to defend your relationship and your unborn child. Yes you may have a job and car and all but are you paying for the car, the insurance? would you be able to without her help? are you a junior or senior in highschool? you need to tell her your plans for education, for commitment to teh childs father, his plan of action, everthing. I know there are cases where you feel your parents are just out to get you when it comes to being a young parent... but honestly it took me 2 years to realize it but they just know because they've been through it and only wnat the best for you!
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cwilliams41
replied on October 5th, 2007
New User
Yes I do pay for everything. Car, insurance, cell phone, internet, gas, I buy my younger brother things all the time just to reward his behavior. I make enough from one job to pay for that, and in my other job all of it goes to savings so I have quite a bit. It was mostly for when I got older and wanted to move out but it could be sooner than I think. My mom doesn't pay for anything unless it benefits her. My grandma pays for the food and utilities. She couldn't say anything to me about that because she still lives with her mom at 33. She tried moving out twice but no luck. Which is not an attack, I just hope she doesn't attack me about it. Although the other day she told me I'll probably get my own place before she does. hah.

I mean my mom had me at 16 and didn't have a job, my dad left the second she told him and she dropped out of high school.

I'll graduate before i'd be due. I only have 2 classes everyday anyways, still with my boyfriend, and have a steady income from both sides. I learned from her mistakes. Deon, my boyfriend, graduated last year and his family is really supportive, he's not ready to tell them yet though. Though in fact if my mom really did kick me out I would have a place to stay with his aunt because she told me I could a while back. I was planning on attending a nearby community college before and still plan to.

I have a rough blue print on how its going to work and be good for everyone. I just don't know if she'll believe I can do it.

I'm going on friday to the doctor. From there I guess I'll figure out what to do.

it's just weird because in my school agenda there is a different quote every week and this week it says,

"if you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll never do much of anything." Rolling Eyes
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jessamyn
replied on October 5th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
How far alogn will you be when you graduate? because most public school will not allow you to attend if it becomes apparent that you are pregnant
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Mabel
replied on October 5th, 2007
Moderator
From the American Civil Liberties website

Quote:

CAN GIRLS BE KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL IF THEY GET PREGNANT?

No. Federal law prohibits schools from discriminating against pregnant students or students who are married or have children. So, if you are pregnant, school officials can't keep you from attending classes, graduation ceremonies, extracurricular activities or any other school activity except maybe a strenuous sport. Some schools have special classes for pregnant girls, but they cannot make you attend these if you would prefer to be in your regular classes.
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jessamyn
replied on October 5th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I am in a mentoring mothers program for teenage moms and majority of public schooling wether thats the way they word it or not do not promote pregnancy amongst teens and comtinueing education within normal schooling. But agian you girls quote everything to death that is personal experience for what I deal with
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Mabel
replied on October 5th, 2007
Moderator
jessamyn wrote:
I am in a mentoring mothers program for teenage moms and majority of public schooling wether thats the way they word it or not do not promote pregnancy amongst teens and comtinueing education within normal schooling. But agian you girls quote everything to death that is personal experience for what I deal with


No. I completely understand it is really going on in the real world. But it is illegal for them to kick anyone out of school based on pregnancy. This could be a major law suit if it is done. It is federal law. Now, they may use some other bogus reason for kicking someone out like saying she was sick and never there or causing disruptions or something. However, a good lawyer and that school would let you back in.

If this happens to anyone in your mentoring program you should call the ACLU - or you could threaten the school with a call to the ACLU.
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cwilliams41
replied on October 7th, 2007
New User
they will let me graduate at my school. they're pretty cool about it. they let you use the elevator, give you special bathroom passes, leave class early so you don't get caught in the student traffic... I appreciate it.
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embarrassed40
replied on October 8th, 2007
Experienced User
cwilliams41 wrote:
Yes I do pay for everything. Car, insurance, cell phone, internet, gas, i buy my little brother things all the time just to reward his behavior. I make enough from one job to pay for that, and in my other job all of it goes to savings so I have quite a bit. It was mostly for when I got older and wanted to move out but it could be sooner than I think. My mom doesn't pay for anything unless it benefits her. My grandma pays for the food and utilities. She couldn't say anything to me about that because she still lives with her mom at 33. She tried moving out twice but no luck. Which is not an attack, I just hope she doesn't attack me about it. Although the other day she told me I'll probably get my own place before she does. hah.

I mean my mom had me at 16 and didn't have a job, my dad left the second she told him and she dropped out of high school.

I'll graduate before i'd be due. I only have 2 classes everyday anyways, still with my boyfriend, and have a steady income from both sides. I learned from her mistakes. Deon, my boyfriend, graduated last year and his family is really supportive, he's not ready to tell them yet though. Though in fact if my mom really did kick me out I would have a place to stay with his aunt because she told me I could a while back. I was planning on attending a nearby community college before and still plan to.

I have a rough blue print on how its going to work and be good for everyone. I just don't know if she'll believe I can do it.

I'm going on friday to the doctor. From there I guess I'll figure out what to do.

it's just weird because in my school agenda there is a different quote every week and this week it says,

"if you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll never do much of anything." Rolling Eyes


Hey girl, you are on the right track. Stay strong and make your own decisions, you are capable! I think you will have ahard few years, but you will be happy with your decision.
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