Self Injury Forum - how to help my son with his SI?


how to help my son with his SI?

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kmabethy2005

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Posted: 10-04-07 12:09pm


my son injures himself all of the time. it's scary to me. he uses his nail from what i can see, and i ask him to talk to me, which he will, but he always seems to have to do it when he gets so angry he's out of control. he was raised by his grandmother, and she didn't treat him so well. if i had known this, he would have come to live with me, but i trusted his father to raise him good. he is now 16, and i feel horrible for him any advice?

tinkinpink84

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Posted: 10-04-07 13:28pm


I think the best advice is try to get him to agree to counseling, so he can understand why he gets soo angry or upset and resorts to cutting, there are many things they can do to help him overcome it and release his emotions in a more healthy way. I was never an open person and it was very hard to put my trust into anyone with the problems i had growing up. My family didnt express emotions over much either. But its always good to have someone to talk to about problems that isnt gonna get upset or angry with them. Hope i helped a little bit at least. He has to be open and willing for anything to work.

kmabethy2005

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Posted: 10-04-07 17:25pm


thank you so much i have mentioned in a round a bout way that he really should see a professional, but he says that's the last thing he wants to do, he said they won't help. so it's going to be hard to get him to do it sadly i really appreciate the feedback, it's very helpful. it makes me so sad to think that he would be so mean to himself but i'm sure everything will be ok. thank you again

silentbear777

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Posted: 10-09-07 03:23am


Well SI is a call for help, psycological maby, or even before they realize it... Try to get him to talk to a councelor, or a profesional, Maby his school has councelors, that is where i got a lot of my help was when I was in HS. Just dont ignore it... number one advice

kmabethy2005

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Posted: 10-10-07 08:10am


thank you so much for your input. what if it's a case where he is homeschooled and he refuses to go get help. he is now sixteen as of the first of this month, and he's a very stubborn kid. i'm so lost and confused

silentbear777

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Posted: 10-10-07 12:58pm


Well if hes homeschooled I guess its a lot more difficult to find a councelor... But ultimetely... a profesional is the best way. I spend years at different threapists offices, from 8-14 or so I was seeing them, I forget what for, But they can help a lot... try to bribehim into going, promist him a new X-Box 360, playstation 3, or a few new video games if he goes... granted it will cost you a bit of money, but if it gets him to stop it wil be worth it! Doing something like takeing away privlages, computer, TV, wont work nearly as well. Since it will get him more angry, upset, and pissed off... which might make the problem worse. rewarding him might just be the bribe and insentive that he needs, another thing is to find a really good councelor, someone who deals with SI often, and someone experienced with teens. They have a way of getting someone to takl about things even when they dont want to without even realizing it...

flyingsolo

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Posted: 10-21-07 21:37pm


maybe you can direct him to a website like this for now? good luck

CarolDiane

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Posted: 10-22-07 05:02am


Why is he homeschooled? The reason I ask is that both my nephews are and were homeschooled because the were bullied in county schools and refused to go back and would cut class instead. So, my sister had to resort to homeschooling. Is your son a trouble maker in school or was he also bullied? Sounds alot like this stems from his living with a verbal abusive father and grandmother to be honest. Do you think he might have been physically abused also. He is acting out his problems by this behavior. Gotta not give up on him and try to get him to get some help. Worst thing you as a mother can do is give in and up on him now. Need a lot of TLC from you. Obviously you have alot of time to make up for. But, sounds like you are also blamming yourself and that is down right wrong. What happened, happened and you just need to focus now on fixing it. I am assuming this was his father's mother currect? Because in that case they were also acting out against you and using you son the bullseye. Carrie

kmabethy2005

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Posted: 10-24-07 12:09pm


yes, it was his fathers mother. and it pains me to know that it even happene that is so true about them using me as the bullseye, and they still do it. he's still injuring himself and has FINALLY!! agreed to get some help when his grandfather mentioned it. we'll see how it goes thank you everyone for being so kind and supportive we need more people like you in this world i'll keep updating on here as well thank you again

kmabethy2005

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Posted: 10-24-07 12:12pm


oh, he's homeschooled because he was ready to drop out of school, he couldn't get along with a teacher, and refused to go, so he was put on a pins (probation) program, they said either you send him to school, or homeschool him or we're going to court. so he is now homeschooled. it's a crazy situation i know. if anything, he's the bully. he's a hardcore kid. i wish i could help him to get better and treat people better, i just can't. he recently hit me in the face an shoved me into a door so hard that i still have a bruise on my head. he's just out of control

CarolDiane

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Omg! Posted: 10-24-07 12:44pm


I hate to have to admit this but, he sounds like a great condidate for "Boot Camp". They will straighten him up. It is expensive but well worth the outcome. I don't take kindly to kids who physically abuse their parents. You son needs more help then your going to be able to give him hon and I really think any money you put out is going to be worth its weight in gold and a half way decent future for him. I almost want to say he is beyond counsuling. I have not had to say that in a very long time. And hate it when I do have to tell a parent that there child has gone off the deep end. I truly would love to think it was within your control but, I just can't get myself to say that. I wish you the best of luck. You are for sure going to need it. You also do have another option and it is called "Tough Love". Next time he lays a hand on you, call you local police and they will inturn put in juvenille detention for a few days. Some kids take more to reach reality then others. I would also like you to know that my sister abuses my mom and she is in her late 40s and my mom is dieing of lung cancer at age 82. I don't have to tell you my 1/2 sister and I do not get along or talk often. I never laid a hand on my mom. I respected her and would never thingkof doing anything like that. I want to have my sister commited, but mom talks me out of it as sis is the bread winner of the house and the only income right now. I keep telling mom, sell the house and I will take you in. Thinking about you and your child, Carrie BTW: Whatever you do, don't show him you are afraid of him. That is just what he wants. Try and avoid any confrontation. I'm not saying giving in to his every wish. Just try and (which I'm sure you have) show him you love him and care about his recovery. Perhaps seeing a counsler will help hm. I am just not ready to give give up on him yet and niether should you. I just hate to see you have to go through hell trying to please his every whem when you know it is not in his best interest. Your still going to have to say NO, otherwise he will think you don't care.

eOns of gREy

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Re: Omg!
Posted: 11-04-07 18:52pm

MsSky wrote:

I hate to have to admit this but, he sounds like a great condidate for "Boot Camp". They will straighten him up. It is expensive but well worth the outcome. I don't take kindly to kids who physically abuse their parents. You son needs more help then your going to be able to give him hon and I really think any money you put out is going to be worth its weight in gold and a half way decent future for him. I almost want to say he is beyond counsuling. I have not had to say that in a very long time. And hate it when I do have to tell a parent that there child has gone off the deep end. I truly would love to think it was within your control but, I just can't get myself to say that.
I wish you the best of luck. You are for sure going to need it. You also do have another option and it is called "Tough Love". Next time he lays a hand on you, call you local police and they will inturn put in juvenille detention for a few days. Some kids take more to reach reality then others. I would also like you to know that my sister abuses my mom and she is in her late 40s and my mom is dieing of lung cancer at age 82. I don't have to tell you my 1/2 sister and I do not get along or talk often. I never laid a hand on my mom. I respected her and would never thingkof doing anything like that. I want to have my sister commited, but mom talks me out of it as sis is the bread winner of the house and the only income right now. I keep telling mom, sell the house and I will take you in.

Thinking about you and your child,
Carrie

BTW: Whatever you do, don't show him you are afraid of him. That is just what he wants. Try and avoid any confrontation. I'm not saying giving in to his every wish. Just try and (which I'm sure you have) show him you love him and care about his recovery. Perhaps seeing a counsler will help hm. I am just not ready to give give up on him yet and niether should you. I just hate to see you have to go through hell trying to please his every whem when you know it is not in his best interest. Your still going to have to say NO, otherwise he will think you don't care.

Boot Camps aren't that good. He is just lost and confused. He should only go if he seriously injures people or something.

-A health question

CarolDiane

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Posted: 11-05-07 00:11am


I put "cutting" in a very serious category. As it can lead to worse if he cuts to deep. Yes, "Boot Camp" for anyone is a last resort. But, it is there as an option if one needs it. I have a neighbor kid where I use to leave about 5 miles from where I am now and he was so out of conrol, his mom sent him. He came back a new kid. Never know it was the same person you were talking to. "Yes mam, No mam, Thank-you for letting me spend the night etc. Yes, a child has to be pretty bad to go to the extreem. All I am saying is that it is available and does work with most. It sounds like this child like with the proper help, he will be able to overcome his cutting and anger issues. Carrie

mzLiLi

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Posted: 11-05-07 10:03am

MsSky wrote:

I put "cutting" in a very serious category. As it can lead to worse if he cuts to deep. Yes, "Boot Camp" for anyone is a last resort. But, it is there as an option if one needs it. I have a neighbor kid where I use to leave about 5 miles from where I am now and he was so out of conrol, his mom sent him. He came back a new kid. Never know it was the same person you were talking to. "Yes mam, No mam, Thank-you for letting me spend the night etc. Yes, a child has to be pretty bad to go to the extreem. All I am saying is that it is available and does work with most.

It sounds like this child like with the proper help, he will be able to overcome his cutting and anger issues.

Carrie

No to boot camp I'm saying this as someone close to his age im 17 and dealing SI. If he was treated badly he might feel that nobody loves him or that no body cares. If you send him away its only going to reinforce his feels. And once he thinks like that then you have to worry about suicide. And SI isn't suicide attempts most people that do it do have suicidial thoughts and males are more likely to actually kill themselfs. just as some facts and a point of view from someone around his age

eOns of gREy

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Posted: 11-05-07 10:45am


Sending him to boot camp will make him think you don't love him, and he will get enraged. Don't do it. If my mom sent me to boot camp.. Oh the horror.

CarolDiane

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Posted: 11-05-07 11:35am


Boot camp is no worse then basic training for the military. And I never mentioned "suicide attempts". I am very familiar with SI and it's meaning. There are perents out there that do believe in "Tough Love". When he becomes 18 he can join the service and get the same treatment. Same thing with boarding schools. Nothing wrong with them. Bottom line is this child has come from a home already where he felt he was not loved. Where is the differnece. His father possible abused him and his mother's mother (grandmother) treated him like durt. Can it get any worse? Carrie

mzLiLi

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Posted: 11-05-07 12:47pm


Carrie: what i said that information was just infomation for the mom that's asking. not about what you had put. This is just my opinion just like you post are yours

CarolDiane

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Mzlili Posted: 11-05-07 13:22pm


Tis OK my friend. Mistuderstandings happen every day and we just have to let them slide. But, you are right, Boot camp is a very hard ordeal to go through be in the same token, a very good aid for those that are so out of control the parents just can't handle them anymore. Believe it or not, I feel my own sister should have sent her son years ago instead of buying him a $25,000.00 Mitzubichi. LOL. But, some kids now days are so out of control, it seems like the only last resort for the parents. To be truthful, I would not fair nicely having to go myself. Hugs, Carrie

kmabethy2005

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Posted: 11-05-07 16:41pm


thank you all so much for the feedback we have discussed him joining the military when he graduates, and he is thinking of doing so i have explained the need for structure and discipline that he needs and hopefully he'll consider it he's doing a little better, and realising what he has been doing, so we'll see thank you all again so much

CarolDiane

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Posted: 11-05-07 17:08pm


I only wish the best for you and you son. Sounds like he is starting to gain some will to make that change he need so badly. I'm glad we all could be of some help to you. Stay safe and God Bless, Carrie