Medical Abortion Forum - How Do I Put My Wife At Ease?

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Q: How Do I Put My Wife At Ease?

asked by: bostonhusband on October 3rd, 2007

New User

Hello All,

I've been with my wife for 3 and a half years. We got married about 3 weeks ago, and just this monday took a positive pregnancy test.

Neither of us is ready for this challenge yet. We are 26 years old and she just moved to the US and also started working. We have no money and upon seeing the positive pregnancy test, we both knew right away we weren't ready for this.

We both knew right away that we didn't want to have the baby and contacted our local PP and scheduled an appointment for as soon as possibe. That was tuesday morning, and the earliest date they could give us is this Friday afternoon. Needless to say it has been the longest week of our lives so far.

As the week is moving along, we are both having semi/second thoughts about this. I know she is sitting at work at her desk, knowing that she is pregnant, and I believe the guilt about what we decided to do it weighing heavy on her and she is telling me now that she is considering keeping it. I know that we can take care of a baby on a day to day basis. We're smart enough to know when to change diapers and both of us are stable people.

We've determined she is about 3 weeks pregnant. and in that time she has smoked some marijauna and drank alcohol socially, as have I.

We are scheduled for a medical abortion this Friday at 2pm. Does anyone have any advice for our situation, or what thoughts we need to focus on in order to stick to our plan to make it to this Friday?

Thanks everyone. I will post here again to let you know how we got through this week, no matter what happens.

Replies(11)

Carifairy

replied on October 3rd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

You sound like you have really thought about many things, and you have made an appointment for an abortion, which is a bog first step.

Babies require more than diapers. They need DRUG FREE parents, a LOT OF MONEY, AND stability.

If you cannot truly provide a stable homelife, including money and doctor appointments, then having a baby is not a good idea.

seedybe

replied on October 4th, 2007

New User

This must be driving you mad!
Your wife has to make the final choice in the end so i really feel for you.
I had an abortion nearly a month ago now and i went through everything.I changed my mind for about 3 weeks and it must of really messed with my boyfriends head.I dont know what advice to give to you for the mean time but if you guys go through with the abortion then you got to be prepared to have a emotional reck for a wife.Im not saying she will be a reck but just be prepared and make sure you let her know you love her,just try to be there for her more after the abortion then you normaly would be.Even if she pushes you away and tells you to leave and stuff,dont!.I do that to my boyfriend all the time and as soon as he listens to me and leaves me alone i feel worst..
Ha! sorry if im scareing you but an abortion is the hardest choice you wife will ever make so you got to be prepared for this,but if you know in your self (and so does she) that it was the right choice then all the after emotion's will pass with time..Best of luck.. Smile

sexxybexxy

replied on October 4th, 2007

Experienced User

hi, i was pregnant at 13 and at first i thourght about an abortion. I was with the father all the way and i still am, although when i got to the abortion building i could not go through with it and so i live with my son know aged 2 and my fiancee. I am 15 and pregnant by 10 weeks. I would never change life for anything as i feel so happy that i kept the baby.
I knonestly think that an abortion would be the best thing in your situation as a baby needs a stable homelife, alchol free parents and a lot of money and stability.
Anyway, good luck on the abortion.
keep me informed on how it goes

Jules

replied on October 4th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I think if your wife is having second thoughts then she shouldn't keep her appointment on Friday - it's a recipe for disaster. She needs to be completely sure about her decision or else she'll beat herself up over it. Don't rush into it, really talk it through, over and over if necessary until she is sure of her decision. Also, be careful what you say to her. If you try and push one option over the another then you are liable to get blamed later on if she is unhappy with her decision. She might do that anyway - it must be hard being the bloke!

Good luck, keep us informed!

amino65

replied on October 4th, 2007

Experienced User

Hello,
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

I was in this situation 6 months ago, and my boyfriend of 2 years and I thoroughly discussed our options. We finally decided on abortion, and I hear you on waiting a week. At least you didn't have to wait 2 weeks like I did, and I was going on field trips for an honors colloquium, so I was a mess. It may be hard, but like seedybe said, stay with her and let her know how much you love her, even when she says she wants to be alone. If she needs to talk, express that you are more than willing to listen.
I wouldn't even ask for it and my boyfriend would just hold me and let me know how much he loved me and it made me feel much better at times.

Anyway, like Jules said, talk it over and think VERY carefully. Make sure you are both positive in doing this.

Mommy35

replied on October 4th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

If you think she's only 3 weeks along than you still have some time to think it over and decide what is right for you and make a decision you are not going to regret.

Babies are a huge responsibility and it does take money to give them what they need, but above all loving parents are the most important factor.

I hope your wife isn't beating herself up over drinking and smoking, because granted it isn't a healthy choice many people do things like that and worse before they get a positive pregnancy test and their babies come out just fine.

Good luck to you both and I hope you find peace with whatever you choose. Thank God you live in a country where this is your choice!

Birch

replied on October 4th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

If she is having second thoughts and/or doubts and/or feeling guilty then an abortion may not be the right decision for her. She needs to take time and consider what she wants because in the end; she has the final say and will have to live with her decision for the rest of her life.

I would suggest she receive counseling from an unbiased source independent of her husband.

bostonhusband

replied on October 9th, 2007

New User

we went to planned parenthood on Friday morning together. When we got there and began filling out the information, they told us that her being pregnant for only 3 weeks was too early.

they performed an ultrasound and found nothing, then gave us four prgnancy tests and they all came up negative.

they let us know that a huge number of pregnancies end in miscarriage the first few weeks.

They let us know that should could have miscarried a few days before or after the pregnancy test we took, at a time when the pregnancy hormones would still be in her system.

So we were relieved at nature taking its course, and in our case it saved us a lot of difficulty.

This has put a lot of things in perspective for us, and we've already gone an openend a baby savings account, to help us prepare for the time when having children is the right thing for us.

Thank you all for your posts and advice. It helped us a lot. Last week was a difficult week for us and I appreciate all of your thoughts and advice.

Mike

Marianne0558

replied on October 9th, 2007

Supporter

bostonhusband wrote:

This has put a lot of things in perspective for us, and we've already gone an openend a baby savings account, to help us prepare for the time when having children is the right thing for us.

That is a really, really good decision! I wish more couples did this. Now, you all will be prepared if/when this happens again.
What a relief. No decision to be made.
Although you all were contemplating whether or not to abort or keep the child, your wife may still be experiencing some emotions after miscarrying.

Jules

replied on October 9th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Thank you for updating us. Good luck for the future! Wink

Verizon-y

replied on October 18th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Re: Hi

sexxybexxy wrote:

How old is the father? How do you support yourselves? Was this second baby planned?

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