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Sorry... I must vent.
My grandparents smoke like chimney's I have only brought the baby to their house once and they wouldn't stop smoking so me and my dad just came up with an excuse and got out of there, and never really brought it up.
Well with thanksgiving coming up they invited us for dinner, my dad said I didn't want her around smoke and she hung up on him.

Bella was sick about a month ago a bad cough and such and I had a huge ordeal at the hospital ... it was terrible and I will do anythign to avoid that ever happening again.. Bare with me I am going to post the back and forth emails... I just cannot believe my own grandmother is behaving this way.

The email I sent her after she hung up on my dad..

Hi Nana!
Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I feel just awful that I can't even get it together enough to make a phonecall..with work and me being as sick as I am (again!) and the baby ... I'm kinda running on empty lately.
Daddy said you got upset with him when he told you about thanksgiving... why would you ever be so silly as to think you were cut off nana? Please don't think like that!
Daddy instead of saying No ... should've talked to you about the smoking. It's just hard because Bella's already been sick , and she's only ... 3 months ... I can't have her around smoke, I don't want her to be a sicky liek me ...constantly with chest infections and colds.
So I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to talk to you about it before daddy. He means no harm ... He's so protective over her, he even gives me hell and I'm her mom!
Also , I work next sunday ... 9:45 - 6 and I would hate to come home from work and the baby not be here... maybe we can arrange another night for us to us to all come and have a nice quiet dinner... but I would have to ask that it would be smoke free. For the baby.
Anywho Nana... everything is great bella is wonderful and so big ... I pick up her portraits on Oct.9th so you'll be getting a ton of those (i spent a small fortune)
I love you
talk to you soon
Jerrica

the email she sent back...

Shocked



Dear Jerrica:

Maybe you are not aware of, or have conveniently forgotten, that when you and Zac were babies and for most of your life you were brought up in a smoking home as both your Mom and Dad smoked. I give your Dad a great deal of credit for quitting, but to be honest since quitting he has become a pain in the butt. You can believe all the hype you hear about second hand smoke all you want, but I can assure you that lots of babies, outside of my own immediate family have spent more time in my home than you or any of my family do, and none of them have had any dire effects or damage to their health.

Of all the people who have been in or out of our home, you and your Dad, and Jackie are the only ones who have ever complained of the smoke in our house. I realize that Joan, Al and I do smoke a lot, but we do try to take precautions to keep the smoke to a minimum, having air cleaners in every room, also with the knowledge of thanksgiving coming up soon, we even went so far as to get all our furniture and carpet in the Rec room cleaned, as I know they hold a lot of smoke. The spare bedroom and our bedroom are also kept smoke free, as my greatest allergy, according to several doctors I have seen, is cigagette smoke

To say I am hurt over this incident is putting it mildly. I have spent my life trying to do my best and helping all of you kids, and now to be told that my home is not good enough because we smoke, is a hard pill to swallow. We are now both in our late seventies, and to expect us to change our habits now is out of the question. We intend to enjoy what time is left to us doing the things that we enjoy, and smoking just happens to be one of them. Before you start blaming second hand smoke on all your problems and those of your baby, I would suggest that you consider exhaust pollution for automibiles and trucks. Would you keep Isobella out of a car or truck just because she might get a few whifs of exhaustion?

If that means staying away from us, so be it, but believe me you would be the biggest loser as with all my years of experience, I still think I have a lot to give.

You have broken my heart. Your Dad did mention the smoking, that is why I got upset.

Nana


yeaaa... and then I worte this today...,

Nana,

I'm sorry to say this ... but you are truly overreacting. I would never ask you to stop smoking, In case you didn't know I quit smoking when I was pregnant, but after I had Bella I started again. I do not smoke in the house around her, I wash my hands constantly I even go as far as to change my shirt after I have had a puff... I know those things aren't as good as me not smoking, but in the end , I am a smoker... but I will do as much as I can to keep it away from my daughter.

I do not blame all my problems on smoking, nor do I blame Bella's on them, but when I had my 2 month old baby in the hospital, holding her down for chest x-rays and listening to her scream while I held an oxygen mask over her little face were the most heartbreaking things I have ever been through. I will do anything and everything I can to avoid her ever having to go through that again.
I think it's extremely unfair of you to go so far as to say I'm breaking your heart when all I'm doing is avoiding my baby being around smoke.

You wouldn't need to quit and nobody expects you to, but if I were to bring the baby there I would ask that everybody smoke outside... period.
I understand I'm inexperienced as a mother, but most women are when the have their first child... but in the end having her around smoke is my choice, and my choice alone to make... and nobody, no matter how much I care about them or how much they've done for me is going to make or break that decision for me.

I also realize that there are other pollutants out there besides smoke... but I can not ask millions of people to stop driving for the sake of my child, but is it really so unreasonable to ask our family to take it outside for a few hours?
I really hope you realize this isn't a big deal, and having a silly family feud over smoking is one of the most ridiculous things that could ever happen to such a strong family.

I had really hoped when I e-mailed you and explained this all you would understand, I was in no way trying to be hurtful to you nana, and I never ever would. It's nothing personal at all against anyone, but if you have to be mad at anybody be mad with me. It has nothing to do with mom or dad... this is my choice and I'm keeping it. I really hope that you guys decide that it would be okay to step outside for smokes for a few hours of one day, but if you really feel that it's such an unreasonable request, well then that's your loss and then it will be my heart that is broken.
Please take what I'm asking into consideration...It's really not a lot.

Jerrica

Sorry this is so long... but really do you guys think I'm being dramatic?
Honestly she emails me once a week... nothing but negativity so I don't reply... and then I get in trouble for not keeping in touch.
But my brother, who is like god in her eyes... doesn't even call her, ever and he can do no wrong.
I'm just hurt by the whole ordeal.
I have enough stress in my life with anxiety attacks, work a new baby and a deadbeat ex... so It kills me that ontop of all that my own blood is acting like this.
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replied October 2nd, 2007
Especially eHealthy
do i think you're being unreasonable?! NO WAY! i actually can't get over your grandmother's email. she's coming across as stubborn, selfish, and ignorant.

i don't really have any advice, but you're definitely doing the right thing. i hope everything works out.

oh, and i can't believe she compared second hand smoke to car exhaust, which you have no control over.

i'm sorry you're having family problems. Sad
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replied October 2nd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
you are in no way being unreasonable! your nanas getting on a bit now, so of course shes going to be stubborn and wont want to change a thing. my grandad was exactly like that. they also think they know best about things. but shell see sense from the last email because you are only doing it for the sake of your child. you're family, shell understand
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replied October 2nd, 2007
Supporter
wow she is looney they cant go out for a couple of hours for their sweet great grandchild someone needs to smack em dont change for them hun you are doing the right thing she is just bonkers
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replied October 2nd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I'm totally shocked. My God.

That's all I have to say.
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replied October 2nd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Of course you are not over reacting or being unfair. You don't have to explain or justify why you don't want Bella around smoke. She's your baby and that is all you should have to say. If they can't understand and go outside for one day than they are the ones being selfish.

It sounds like your grandmother is trying to make you look like the bad guy here. Sure you were raised around smoke---many of us were. I remember being on airplanes and having people smoking, or waiting in an emergency room that was filled with smoke. Times have changed, research has been done and the results are clear that second hand smoke is terrible for anyone, especially for babies.

I can relate to your situation completely. We don't take Jaylon to Mike's father's house very often. They are wonderful people, but their house is always thick with cigarette smoke. We pull no punches with them about it. It's their home and they certainly have the right to live however they choose, but I also have the right and responsibiltiy to not want my son exposed to second hand smoke.

Stand your ground!
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replied October 2nd, 2007
Especially eHealthy
You are nowhere close to wrong. You are absolutely right to want to protect your daughter's health. I smoke myself but I would never, never, never do it around my son. I go outside of my house. I stand outside in the rain, the heat, the cold, whatever (my punishment for smoking anyway) but I will not smoke in my house because it would jeopardize my son's health. No one is allowed to smoke in my house, and I don't take my son to visit with my relatives if they won't smoke outside while he's there. She's wrong, she knows she's wrong, she feels guilty about it and she's trying to throw the blame on you instead so she can feel better about herself. Stick to your guns girl, your daughter deserves a healthy life.
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replied October 3rd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
that is amazing..they couldnt walk outside to smoke for a few hours..
There is no way in hell i would have bree around people who would smoke right around her.. I agree with you about the shirt and washing the hands..I rarely do the same thing and still feel horrible guilt over it.
ahhh how frustrating for you!!! I say play the guilt thing right back on her about how she should love her granddaughter enough.. shessh!
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replied October 3rd, 2007
Experienced User
Hi
hi,i totally understand about not wanting your daughter
around second hand smoke.I have a son who is 2 and everything
i do arovels around him/ i think about him first. I would never let my son be brought up with people that think they have a right to smoke around young
children/babys. Your nana is beginning to feel guilty and is trying to pin the
blame on you. I also think that she is being selfish and horriable as she can not be bothered to smoke outside for a couple of hours. It is unbelieveable how low people would go just to smoke.I am sorry for what you are going through and i totally understand.

good luck
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replied October 3rd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I have the same problem with some of my family. I think everyone in my mom's side of the family smokes & they refuse to go outside when Kaylee & I are there. My mom throws it back in my face that I smoke every now & then. There's a difference with my mom & I though.. My house .. Car .. Everything is completely smoke free, everyone goes outside. & like you said, we scrub our hands, change clothes.. Whatever we have to do.

You're definately doing the right thing!
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replied October 3rd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I don't think you're overreacting at all. They'd rather smoke a cigarette and not see their granddaughter than walk 10 feet outside, then get to see her? (I think I worded that weird)

I would think they'd be proud of you for caring enough to keep your baby out of that smoke and they'd work with you on that. I'm sorry they're not helping any.
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replied October 3rd, 2007
Supporter
Thanks guys, It's escalated to this ridiculous situation now and I'm just so fed up.
I have enough stress in my life, That I would hope my family wouldn't add any more.
I've recieved about two more nasty emails and a disgusting message on the phone.
It sucks because if she had of just let it go and agreed to go outside for an hour or so this would all be fine, but now even if they change their minds, I will never go back there again.
I care about and love my family, but I care about and love Bella more!
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replied October 3rd, 2007
Especially eHealthy
wow... i'm sorry. i can't imagine how it got so out of control. how stubborn do you have to be to choose smoking inside over the health of a precious baby?

i know it hurts, but it's their loss!
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replied October 3rd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Oh gosh, I am so sorry. That really does suck. I don't think you are being unreasonable. You have every right to demand that your daughter not be exposed to smoke. Tell her your doctor has said so. When I went to visit my Dad last summer, they started smoking in the house and it was perfectly nice outside. The kids and I spent the rest of the day outside in the back and I kept them away from all the smokers. I HATE family upheavals like this. It just makes you feel totally awful!
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replied October 3rd, 2007
Especially eHealthy
maybe have ur dad talk to her again and perhaps tell her to act her age, and not her shoe size?

shes the one missing out. DOnt take it personal. Ur the mommy, and coming from recent personal experience, u gotta think of whats best for the baba's no matter how it affects the other selfish people in our lives.
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