First and foremost, I have to state something. I believe I am truly in love with somebody.
I am only twenty and many, many people I am sure as the people that surround me say: "It's not true love you are too young to know what that is."
What bothers me greatly is that I am truly in love. Or at least I truly love someone.
You see, for me true love doesn't go away. You learn to live without it, but it's lasting. It's not infatuation, or puppy love... it's something unconditional.
Something that makes you think, "If he is not happy with me I'll let him go so he can find his happiness."
Although you wish with all your heart to be the one who makes him happy, you are at least glad that he is happy.
I will not say my story because it's too long and too disheartening, but what I can say is that once when he was my 'protector', my 'best friend,' my fiancee... Now he's the person that causes me so much misery, my enemy, and my ex-lover...
Needless to say, he doesn't deserve me at all. I have so much to give, but he is disgusted by me...
It's insane how this one guy who would make love to me, now won't even kiss me if I asked.
Anyway I feel ugly, rejected, useless, stupid, and of course because I cannot let go of him.
My mind, and everything points out that he's a big jerk. How can I let him be stuck in my head?
Why is it that my heart would take him back in a heartbeat... why do I still yearn to be with him.
Even after everything...
I have tried so much to let go, but it's so insane... how he changed. Or rather, showed his true colors...
I just wish there was some medicine that would take him out of my system....
Because it's as if I am blind, and in denial.. I cannot accept that I lost him forever.. and I still hope that someday life will give us another shot.
At the same time I know it's dumb to think like that, but without him...
Life seems so bleak. Everyday I wake up without him is another sad day... it's so tough learning to be without him.
It's like..every day I think of him, I dream of him, and almost everyday I cry.
I really just want to be able to not feel anything for him, but feelings cannot just dissipate like that you know?
I cannot... it's simply so much pain, it's as if my body feels like it can't take it and just wants to fall on the floor and rest...
I asked my Christian friend, "If it's true that there's a devil that exists.. this devil really played with me.. he gave me something that seemed so real only to take it away and cause me pain."
My friend then said, "The devil doesn't give, he only destroys. God gives."
Whatever the heck it is.. I don't know!
I just wish I could stop thinking, wish I could stop feeling.. wish I could just get over true love.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. What you are going through most of us we all been through and trust us that in time it will get better and you will find a new man and you will get married and you will have children and all those good things.
Yes, true love happens at all ages so we believe that you truly loved this man. He just evidently didn't loved you the same and a relationship does not survive if only is the one loving.
I'm older, I'm 34 and I'm getting married now at this age and what older people mean to say is that when you are younger you like don't realize certain qualities in a man that you do as you grow older and go through the experience like just this one that you are unfortunatetly having. Because from this experience you are going through now you are learning what a good partner should be like vs what not a good partner is like. In the end you will desire for a man that doesn't make you suffer so you will end up liking some fellaws that you may have thought before that you wouldn't like. See what I mean?
I always say this: I believe in purpose, and I think that everything happens to us for a very good reason. I think, though it's painful, that this is a valuable learning experience for you. Take from it! Feel the pain and learn how to overcome it. You will be stronger in the end. You will be happier in the end knowing that you can rely on yourself in such a time of heartache, I promise!
If this love didn't work out, just think ahead to the one that will. It will be so intense you won't know what hit you!