Wow, sorry ladies. I'm not ocd, the website said my message didn't post so I tried it again--twice. Oh well

I am the oddball in this group. I am a 23yr old man married 3 years, and have the same problem with my wife. She does not want sex more than 1-2 a week and when I try to advance on the off days, she says something degrading or bring up my past mistakes as a way to "kill the mood." I am 23 and need it more than 1x a week. I am not even turned off by her weight gain (135 at marriage to 180 now). I am a very physical person and she does not give me the physical attention that I need. What can I do? Please help! I would rather not cheat, but I think I am headed there...

[quote="justsomeone"]
"2. They've learned that sex is for pleasure for themselves. The media is everywhere screaming this at them. What they don't realize is, the most pleasure is derived from giving their wife satisfaction and love.
When my husband realized that he wanted sex not because he was just horny and I was sexy, but because he loved me and wanted to feel close to me it was like a light switch was turned on in our marriage."

i dated a lot of men my age, all just were horny ass holes, so I began to believe that all men were like that. That is so not true! I met an older man who is divorced and he is the first to actually relate love and sex, to be real "love-making." it compleately changed my perspective on men, at least how men can be.

Also, if a man is a porn watcher, that tends to make them disassociate feelings and sex, making it seem meaningless. I have had a younger boyfriend who had really been into it, and it did have an affect on him, I could tell. He made me feel like an object, not like his lover.

Anyway, I am now very happy with my lover and our love-making.

this is not as un-common as you think. My wife has become very uninterested in sex as well and we are both 23, 3 years married. I feel like every time we have sex, she is just "giving it up" to me. I want her to want and desire my c*#k. When we first were married, it was more like once or twice a day, not once or twice a week or less.

If you feel that you are "headed there" as you said, then you can't honestly love your wife. When you honestly are in love, you do not cheat simply because your significant other doesn't want to have sex with you every day. You said she will have sex with you once or twice a week which is more than a heck of a lot of couples. If you seriously would even consider cheating then you need to re-evaluate your marriage.
If you want to have more sex, try being loving, caring, understanding and romantic, instead of saying things like "i want her to desire my c*%k." try cooking her a nice dinner, cleaning up the house, taking care of everything and having a romantic evening.
Also, you have to make sure you are pleasing her sexually. We tend to make our lovers believe that they are pleasing us to make them feel good and to avoid the unpleasantness that the truth can bring. Try different things with her, and see which gives you a great response.

Its hard when either of the sex has a decline in a sex drive. Its almost like society tells us that they must be cheating or unhappy in their present relationship, although its just a matter of life. We all go through these steps, and understand did you do it to your partner at anytime in the relationship, being understanding, and remember watch the signs for when you do it. We all do. I am only 27 and married 8 years and I will tell you that I think now after reading everyones complaints that my husband and I both went through those stages, so right now that he is the one who is not willing to have sex all the time, I should just say hey, maybe tomorrow. (its not as easy as I am saying it, I am a woman who is not ugly, and dropped weight, so of course I have the feeling ugly issue, but thats part of a relationship working through things.

I agree with the last two women. Sex is something very special between two people. To say you "are headed that way" rethink that seriously. Do not cheat on your wife, that's a horrible thing to do. Think about it this way, she may have issues of her own going on and you should try talking to her and help her thru it. Maybe since she's gained weight she doesn't feel as if you are attracted to her anymore. If you are looking at other women that is a good way to make her feel like she isn't good enough. Women usually want to feel like they are the only one you want and they want to be good enough for you, at least i'm that way. Do something special for her like the other ladies said. I know I feel so special when my husband does something as small as coming by my job and taking me to lunch, or calling me at work to say I was staring at your picture and I was just thinking how beautiful u are and I wanted to say I love you. Women love that stuff. Not trying to preach here or anything, but our preacher wouldn't marry us until we counseled together and knew we were both christians. I believe god plays a big part in a successful marriage. But check out this website, it tells alot about sex in a marriage and give you tips on how to talk to your spouse, it's an awesome site and I hope it help.Themarriagebed in a way to me it sounds to me like if she brings things up from your past that are hurtful to either of you like she's still hurting from that and perhaps you 2 should talk and clear it up. I hope things work out ....Think back to why you fell in love with her and she how good of a person she really is and so are you. God bless

Will this mesage post?

Help! I'm 24 and my husband is 25! We have been married less than a year and together for almost 6 years! We never lived together before marriage, but we had sex -- all the time! Now that we live together and can have it all the time - we dont'. He never wants too. I think he is looking at porn. I have found it during our realtionship--but thought it was maybe becasue we didn't see each otehr enough - I found him looking at it when I was home! We have been fighting about money and I think he is holging grudge against me fot the bills I brought to the marriage! He turns me down-- he tells me he's tired, has a headache, a stmoach ache. We are both good looking, young, and in shape. What's going on here? Is my husband addicted to porn? Does that turn him on more than his own wife? He tells me that I turn him on -- but he never shows it.... :cry:

I agree with the bit about men and women not being so different. It sn't fair to say he's cheating because he doesn't want t have sex. He doesn't want to, what are you going to do slip him some viagra and rape him? Being married to someone doesn't guarantee you'll be having sex as often as you like.

As for the Original Poster (OP) you should talk with your husband about why he isnt interested in sex anymore and be understanding about his loss of desire. If you cant deal with it leave him.

I've been with my fiance for almost a year now. He is 23 and he lost his virginity to me. He is on lexapro for anxiety and that has a sexual side effect and he hardly ever wants to have sex. He knows that I want to but he says "nows not the time" and its when we are cuddling on the couch or something! He gets horny at weird times like when he's at work or something! Its frustrating because we never want it at the same time. I don't know what to do either because I'm feeling sexually frustrated and he doesn't seem to care!

I'm 23, married almost 2 years. Sex was great on our honeymoon........thats about it. We probably had sex twice a week for a while and now not at all in the last three months, probably once in December and then it was a couple months before that. I think it was originally him not being interested in sex, for whatever reason I never figured out. Now, I have no desire even to kiss him, if I do, its rare. I have just felt rejected for so long that I've turned everything off. Its so embarrassing and painful that I don't want to go to counseling about it (I'm finishing school to be a counselor myself, but I have a hard time exposing this to someone) I've considered our pastor, but again, I really find this embarrassing. During our premarital counseling we could hardly keep our hands off each other and we struggled with that. Now, its the opposite. I just feel like I've given up.