Hi

my boyfriend & I have been together almost 2 years. We have got into a bit of a routine when it comes to sex. I was a bit worried about it a month or so ago & tried to spice things up a bit by telling him that I wanna try different positions etc... We've done a few, since then, but I don't think it did much for him. He doesn't seem bothered about experimenting, he says he likes it the way we do it normally. He also says that certain things I do r too ticklish & he can't get turned on because he ends up laughing too much. It really hurt me because I thought that I didn't turn him on anymore. I know he's not cheating & he also loves cuddling & kissing. I have decided to carry on as normal even though I feel a bit bored at times. We make love about 3 times a week but I still feel unsatisfied. I love him to peices & so i'm just gonna put up with it until I find a nice way of telling him how I feel. If anyone has any advice please let me know.

Men don't typically become dis interested in sex. He may be having his needs met elsewhere. Keep your eyes open! Men are sneaky.

I don't think just because he's not interested in sex means he's cheating on you... Infact, i'm kinda sick of people saying men and women are so different!

I'm not too old, but I don't like to be judged by my age. My own theory is that since men, typically thought by the majority of the population, are considered to be very horny at a young age, this calms down after a certain point in life. While women, stereotyped as not to want sex as much as men, will always want it equally throughout their lives, atleast more than men. Even though this might not be true, if people think this way the human mind is capable of making it become true.

Then again you never know.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for jus over a year and he doesnt seem half as randy as I am haha, still thinks im sexy and stuff but its hard to find time when we can be alone together and actually get round to it, he just seems a bit uninterested in that department sometimes maybe hes embarrassed? But I quite often hint at it buts he jus seems unavaliable, tired or has to do work.... Its really irratating does this mean im not satsfying him enough? Hmm maybe I can get too much for him sometimes?

I had actually posted a really long reply to this yesterday and as I was typing it deleted itself! Pissed me right off!
Anyway, here goes again. I was engaged for two and a half years. The last year we may have had sex ten times. He made me feel so ugly and fat and just plain gross. He always had some excuse like "my head hurts" or "i'm too stressed out" (being as I supported his ass I dunno what in the world could have stressed him out!) or "i'm too tired" (from what?)
he had my self esteem so ruined that by the time I left him I did not even date for two and a half years after the fact. It has been about seven years and I still do not have my self respect back.
I do not wish those feelings on anyone. But, I do know exactly how you feel. Of course, we had some underlying issues (at least he did) so that is why I finally left. So, I am not by any means saying to leave your husband! You are married and commited and I am sure that you love each other very much, you just have some things to work through.
But, don't let it go on like this! You have to force him to do something about it before you suffer permanent damage! I know that sounds severe, but it is true.
So many people say that men thing about sex all day and they always want to have sex and blah blah blah. Well, let me tell you what: if that is really true for some men, then please send one mine way! No man I have ever been with could ever keep up with me! So all of this men vs women stuff is not true. Maybe in teenagers or just in majority, but not true in general.
Anyway, the only thing I can tell you is the next time you sit your husband down to talk to him about this, let him know exactly how important this is to you. Explain that it is not just the act of having sex. It is the needing to feel wanted, desired and loved. And that your self esteem is going to get ruined if something is not changed. Maybe he needs to see a doctor or counselor.
As for "spicing up your sex life" (a lot of people will tell you that) there is nothing wrong with trying that, but if you are in the situation that I was, it wont work. I mean how do you spice up a sex life when your sex life is nonexistent? I even tried the lingerie and candles and whatever(along with many other things), and he still turned me down. That is definately a feeling that you do not want! And when he actually did give in, I knew he wasn't interested. Sex like that is worse than no sex at all!
So, ultimately you are going to have to talk him into getting help. Help of some kind. Maybe, you two can take a vacation or something. Even just get a hotel for the weekend and act like teenagers again!

Sharon....
You have to talk to him about it. Trust me, my ex was the same way... That whole ticklish thing really got on my nerves...But the longer you wait, the harder it will be to convince him to try new things.
I understand the boredom of doing the same things each time and it wont satisfy you. At least it never did me. So, try to talk to him. If he loves you as much as you love him then he will listen. He may get defensive and embarrased at first, but if he cares then he will work on this for you.

Swissmiss, have you considered that it might be a medical problem that makes him not interested. I am not an expert, but I would both go to the doctor to find out why he feels like he does.Good luck, sandy

After almost 4 years of marriage i've learned this about my husband when he's uninterested in sex.
1. Men are depicted in this world as being sex feinds. They feel the need to live up to that. And insecurity of theirs is, sometimes they don't want sex! So they run from sex alltogether in fear afraid that they'll never satisfy their wives.
2. They've learned that sex is for pleasure for themselves. The media is everywhere screaming this at them. What they don't realize is, the most pleasure is derived from giving their wife satisfaction and love.
When my husband realized that he wanted sex not because he was just horny and I was sexy, but because he loved me and wanted to feel close to me it was like a light switch was turned on in our marriage.

Don't be afraid to share with your husband your need for love/sex... But it is very important to support him in everything: hobbies, work and even his lack of need for sex. Also- he may be dealing with hidden insecurities and hurts he can't explain to you. Perhaps you should look into a sex counsellor. I know that's a big step- but isn't it better than going on like you are now?

You might ask the Dr. If he could get a couple of pills for this.
Sandy

I gave up on nookie when I was 40.

A 40 year old broad can't hold a touch to a young playboy playmate, no sag there, no cellulite on those hips, no crowsfeet under the eyes.

Be grateful to the nookie that you get, why hassle the guy and have him boink you when he's not ready, you sound like a real demanding wench, he'd be better off without your demands. Don't ask what your sweetie can do for you, ask what you can do for your sweetie.


Hit the road toots.

To the above poster. I can see why you don't get any.
She didn't say she wanted sex 24/7, and you know what, you get lost.

Sorry swissmiss, trying to be humorous, apologize for being rude.

I am sorry bethesdabob, I did not realize you were joking. I feel badly now.

Well I have only had one experience with this...I was younger and I was I a relationship, and all of a sudden boyfriend didn't want sex anymore, said he loved me still...Blah blah blah, come to find out he lost interest and found it somewhere else. No not all men are the same, no not every this happens means it is what I said, but most of the times that is the truth. You have to admit to that. But as I said everyone is different...Hopefully your men are the few good ones...Just not super sexual anymore.

Hey folks trust me when I say this.What you ladies are seeing is andropause, it is when men's levels of testosterone decline the lose intrest in sex connot be easily aroused and some have weak erections. They also tend to be moody and tired all of the time.Just go to your md and get a blood test then they can supplement him then he will be his samerold passionate self.

Well swissmiss you mated maybe using his hands when he think you're asleep sometimes a man like to masterbate

Swissmiss, I totally feel your pain. Apparently it has nothing to do with age. My husband and I have been together for 2 years, married for 1 and 1/2, he is 23 and he has totally lost interest in sex. Like you and yours, we are happy, loving, and always together, but he typically turns down all of my advances and he never initiates sex himself. He's tired, ticklish, or just "not in the mood." it's not medical because he doesn't seem to have a problem with oral stimulation, but many times he's even turned down one-sided pleasure because he just "doesn't feel like that." he's told me over and over that it has nothing to do with me, but that's just so hard to accept. I know i've put on about 10 pounds since we married, but they were there before this problem started. Still, I can't help but feel like it's me. Sometimes I worry that the real problem has to do with the fact that, as far as I can tell, he doesn't seem to associate sex with love. I think to him they are two completely seperate entities. Does anyone else think that could be a factor in their situation too?

Swissmiss, I totally feel your pain. Apparently it has nothing to do with age. My husband and I have been together for 2 years, married for 1 and 1/2, he is 23 and he has totally lost interest in sex. Like you and yours, we are happy, loving, and always together, but he typically turns down all of my advances and he never initiates sex himself. He's tired, ticklish, or just "not in the mood." it's not medical because he doesn't seem to have a problem with oral stimulation, but many times he's even turned down one-sided pleasure because he just "doesn't feel like that." he's told me over and over that it has nothing to do with me, but that's just so hard to accept. I know i've put on about 10 pounds since we married, but they were there before this problem started. Still, I can't help but feel like it's me. Sometimes I worry that the real problem has to do with the fact that, as far as I can tell, he doesn't seem to associate sex with love. I think to him they are two completely seperate entities. Does anyone else think that could be a factor in their situation too?

Swissmiss, I totally feel your pain. Apparently it has nothing to do with age. My husband and I have been together for 2 years, married for 1 and 1/2, he is 23 and he has totally lost interest in sex. Like you and yours, we are happy, loving, and always together, but he typically turns down all of my advances and he never initiates sex himself. He's tired, ticklish, or just "not in the mood." it's not medical because he doesn't seem to have a problem with oral stimulation, but many times he's even turned down one-sided pleasure because he just "doesn't feel like that." he's told me over and over that it has nothing to do with me, but that's just so hard to accept. I know i've put on about 10 pounds since we married, but they were there before this problem started. Still, I can't help but feel like it's me. Sometimes I worry that the real problem has to do with the fact that, as far as I can tell, he doesn't seem to associate sex with love. I think to him they are two completely seperate entities. Does anyone else think that could be a factor in their situation too?