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Why Is It So Hard to Leave Bipolar Partner?

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I have never been in such a stressful relationship. Started out loving. He was up front about the fact that he was bipolar. Its been a year and a half and it just gets harder and harder. I love the man dearly...he makes me melt but realistically how can i see a future with someone that is controlling, manipulative, demanding and selfish? (are those bipolar signs?) I get mean words and demands daily. i try to be soft but when you are referred to as a slut, bi**h, C**t...etc I have my limits. i don't know how I should handle him when he acts out. When i walked away from situation he would continuously walk all over me, now I feel like I have to defend myself and i say hurtful things back and i feel horrible for saying them. He does not think there is anything wrong with the way he acts...until I am bawling my eyes out and want to leave only then is he sorry. It never gets easier does it? There is no light at the end of the tunnel. My heart say stay....but my head says run.
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First Helper thetruthgirl
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replied September 28th, 2007
You could try talking to his pyschiatrist with him about this issue and how he can reduce or channel his negative emotions differently.
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replied September 30th, 2007
Experienced User
Go with him to talk with his doctor. My husband & I have had "joint sessions" a few times to explain the issues we're having. That way, the pdoc understands what's going on & can advise both of us how we need to handle issues. Things have gotten better for us. Just keep that line of communication open.

BYD
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replied September 30th, 2007
Thank you for your feedback!! We have tried going to the counselor. He was on meds then off meds a couple times. I can't get him to stick with anything. His mind is so one track. I love him dearly, never loved anyone this way before but I am recently thinking to myself that a relationship is work but is it this much work?? I feel like i put my all into the relationship and don't get much back but demands. I realized i could nolonger see myself marrying him. He is to selfish but i am not ready to say goodbye for hopes of some big change.
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replied October 11th, 2007
Experienced User
Environment
Manipulative, demanding and selfish.....Isn't that a product of our parents? Yeh.....we could sum it up into like three differeent psychological catagories; control, anger and possibly what's getting passed as bipolar. The latter..... for us folks that don't want to deal with wasted issues and choose to side uniformally.
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replied October 11th, 2007
i know how you are feeling, i have been with my partner for 17 months, he hasnt been diagnoised with it yet but has classic signs. i love him very much but he has done some horrible things, an in front of my two girls, who are 13 and 10. he has taken an overdose, slit his wrist, tryed to hang himself, removed electric fuses from the house so there is no electric, jumped out of windows, and last friday shaved my head. how much can one person take? ilove him very much but hate him for what he is doing to me and my girls.
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replied October 13th, 2007
See mine has been diagnoised. I try to be understanding but at what point should I say hell with understanding i am not taking your !**@!.
HOWE.... your kids come first make sure they are not in danger. They are at that age where being around them has a big affect on them later in life. My boyfriend has done some crazy unforgivable stuff but nothing like shave your head...etc...you don't need that. You need to get him to see a dr it sounds serious and dangerous for all of you!
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replied October 15th, 2007
Re: Why Is It So Hard to Leave Bipolar Partner?
ohsillyme wrote:
I have never been in such a stressful relationship. Started out loving. He was up front about the fact that he was bipolar. Its been a year and a half and it just gets harder and harder. I love the man dearly...he makes me melt but realistically how can i see a future with someone that is controlling, manipulative, demanding and selfish? (are those bipolar signs?) I get mean words and demands daily. i try to be soft but when you are referred to as a promiscuous woman, bi**h, C**t...etc I have my limits. i don't know how I should handle him when he acts out. When i walked away from situation he would continuously walk all over me, now I feel like I have to defend myself and i say hurtful things back and i feel horrible for saying them. He does not think there is anything wrong with the way he acts...until I am bawling my eyes out and want to leave only then is he sorry. It never gets easier does it? There is no light at the end of the tunnel. My heart say stay....but my head says run.


no, it never gets easier...nothing will ever make him better. i am in the same place...a year and a half...hes started hurting me...choked me, dragged me by my hair and i'm pregnant with his child. i love him to death and i do not understand why i cannot leave him...being pregnant has left me not wanting to be sexually and now hes saying things basicly like sex is a requirement from me for him to stay in this relationship. if you believe you can walk away, do it now...he is also VERY bipolar and willnot take meds. he had just gotten off meds when i met him...and hes only gotten worse...
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replied August 25th, 2008
You cannot help them, unless they want to help themselves!
Hi, I've just come out of a one and a half year relationship?(if you can call it that, the only person michael was having a relationship was himself- and that was suggested by a male friend of his). Other comments were made about him by his so called close friends such as " He would start a fight in an empty house". They all warned me not to get dragged into his world and that he had mental probs. It was a rollercoaster nightmare. I helped him get his disability benefits, allowed him to live with me through his 6 or longer week depressions and remain in bed, doing absolutely nothing for himself. His volatility, nastiness, selfishness, moodswings, drinking and not taking medication was too much and I forced him to move out. He was dangerous in company would start fights and sustained injuries-for which he is now expecting financial claims. He is on a manic/high phase at the moment and Sept/oct is when he normally takes to bed. He threw a full pint of beer over me on Fri night and walked off shouting obsenities leaving me in the middle of a desserted docklands area in belfast, then stalked my apartment to see if I was home and sent nasty messages- after assaulting me.That was the end- I burned my mobile phone sim card and don't intend to ever look back. Michael would buy presents for me and others, threatre tickets ect, I just saw them as poor compensation for the lack of love and affection and poor treatment of me. When he's high, he believes he is well and will not entertain the idea of taking medication, the doctor has him diagnosed as mildly bipolar?. I can tell you that that is very far from the truth. I had phoned the doctor before and he did'nt want to know and was extremely rude, he said that michael would manipulate me and anyone around him to get what he wanted. Yes that is the case, I found that out to my cost. He was an emotional bully and started bullying and disrespecting me and my friends and trying in subtle ways to control me. As soon as any form of violence comes into the equation- no matter what you have to plan to get away from that person-you have to show them that you are not going to take it- this may be the catalist for their own personal change. Thank god I was'nt tied to michael- no kids e.t.c and can cut all ties. Don't waste your life on someone who will not help themselves, they have a big learning curve to go through and more often than not they have to reach rock bottom before they can even begin to approach it. In terms of relationships I have reached my rock bottom and things can only get better. My advice don't allow them to treat you like a doormat- whether they are bipolar or not- you deserve quality of life don't suffer please - get out. xo take care rainbow
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replied September 23rd, 2008
Why Is It So Hard to Leave Bipolar Partner?
hey ohsillyme I am inthe same boat have been for 17 yrs- I want out and he won't go to dr--at all. denies everything is remotely his fault. I don't have any answers but I am looking for them.
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replied March 19th, 2009
hey
i started this post. here is an update. I dated a man for 2 1/2 yrs that was bipolar. He was on and off med bc it made him drowsey. I could not tolerate the ups and downs and left. My friend has a brother who is bipolar and suggested a product that took him off meds completely and have been living a fairly normal life. About 6 months ago i sent my ex the product. He loves it. he said he is the happiest he has been and has not had any major ups and downs. the best part was the product is all natural. just feeding your body the nutrients its lacking. I am quite confident in the product and him and i will probally get back together in the near future which is something i would not have said before.
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replied November 7th, 2009
What's the product?
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replied November 10th, 2009
Experienced User
You're trying to rescue him. I can tell you that it won't work. You can point out his behavior with the expectation that he will see the wisdom of how it would be better for him to stop it. It's a deadend road. You can't save him. It's a rollercoaster having a relationship with someone like that. It's compelling, and it's not healthy. You can find someone who will treat you good.
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replied December 1st, 2010
the truth
I haven't read the other answers but i am bipolar, for about 25yr and i also work with patients of bipolar. I must say that no matter what diagnosis someone has it does not excuse their behaviour.
The patients i work with know that if they are bad mannered that the would not be able to attend the group as it is inappropriate.
i am afraid your boyfriend is using bipolar as an excuse to be rude to you and getting away with it too.
Your self esteem will take a massive plummit if you stay around this guy.
Bipolar patient are not like this, it's just him.
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replied December 1st, 2010
May i also say that i have been in intensive care with suicide attempts and also high as a kite but i have lots of friend and keep them. With bipolar you are not stupid. You know what behaviour is what.I am not selfish, rude or manipulating.
Bipolar is hell but i don't attack people or drag them down.
If i am suicidal i stay away and take sleepers, when i am high i just have to learn to not spend and curb my eccenric behaviour!!
Don't let people drag you down. You only have one life. You teach people how to treat you! xx
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replied December 21st, 2013
I have just left my bipolar husband after we were together for nearly eight years. He wasn''t formally diagnosed until this year but everything seemed to change after we got married 3 years ago. At first he seemed like the most loving man who in many ways was quite socially inept however I found these qualities indearing. He always showed such uncaring behaviour towards me when I was sick and then started to yell at me when I ever accidentally had an injury. Things deteriorated significantly a few years ago after he went through a depressive episode. I then got caught up in the cycle of when things were great they were amazing but then he started to blame me for everything and see me as an enemy. He tried to slam my hand in a door several times but always said I provoked him. He became nastier and nastier in his verbal abuse and for along time I blamed myself and was hanging out for things to become good again. I keep telling him when he talks to me about reconciliation that he only had to be nice to me and I would have stayed. When I provide examples of things he said and has done he tells me I have made them all up. I gave everything to this relationship and still love him so very much. I feel weak several times a week and I read all of your stories to give me strength not to go back to that life of abuse and uncertainty.
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replied December 21st, 2013
I have just left my bipolar husband after we were together for nearly eight years. He wasn''t formally diagnosed until this year but everything seemed to change after we got married 3 years ago. At first he seemed like the most loving man who in many ways was quite socially inept however I found these qualities indearing. He always showed such uncaring behaviour towards me when I was sick and then started to yell at me when I ever accidentally had an injury. Things deteriorated significantly a few years ago after he went through a depressive episode. I then got caught up in the cycle of when things were great they were amazing but then he started to blame me for everything and see me as an enemy. He tried to slam my hand in a door several times but always said I provoked him. He became nastier and nastier in his verbal abuse and for along time I blamed myself and was hanging out for things to become good again. I keep telling him when he talks to me about reconciliation that he only had to be nice to me and I would have stayed. When I provide examples of things he said and has done he tells me I have made them all up. I gave everything to this relationship and still love him so very much. I feel weak several times a week and I read all of your stories to give me strength not to go back to that life of abuse and uncertainty.
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replied December 21st, 2013
I have just left my bipolar husband after we were together for nearly eight years. He wasn''t formally diagnosed until this year but everything seemed to change after we got married 3 years ago. At first he seemed like the most loving man who in many ways was quite socially inept however I found these qualities indearing. He always showed such uncaring behaviour towards me when I was sick and then started to yell at me when I ever accidentally had an injury. Things deteriorated significantly a few years ago after he went through a depressive episode. I then got caught up in the cycle of when things were great they were amazing but then he started to blame me for everything and see me as an enemy. He tried to slam my hand in a door several times but always said I provoked him. He became nastier and nastier in his verbal abuse and for along time I blamed myself and was hanging out for things to become good again. I keep telling him when he talks to me about reconciliation that he only had to be nice to me and I would have stayed. When I provide examples of things he said and has done he tells me I have made them all up. I gave everything to this relationship and still love him so very much. I feel weak several times a week and I read all of your stories to give me strength not to go back to that life of abuse and uncertainty.
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