I desperately need some advice! I have
been married to my husband for 20 years.
About 12 years ago he would have an
occasional beer (maybe 3-4 a week) He now
drinks a 6 pack a night, EVERY NIGHT! Our
daughter was killed in a car accident 10
years ago and since then the drinking has
just gotten worse & worse. I have
been verbally and mentally abused when my
husband is drinking. He has gotten in
fights (physical at times) with our 17
year old son & called him horrible
names when he is drinking. My son has now
moved out because he can't stand his dads
drinking. He has been gone 2 1/2 weeks
now & my husband has only asked me
once about him! My husband does NOTHING
with me or our kids unless it involves his
side of the family. We even go on our own
vacations! He doesn't go to any of his
kids soccer games, plays, award banquets,
dance recitals, etc......NOTHING! He
doesn't even spend a holiday meal with us
and hasn't for 8 years or so. I am
convinced this is all because of his
drinking. Once "beer-thirty" starts, he
is totally out of commision because he
won't drink & drive. My children and
grandchildren from a previous marriage are
not welcome in our home & they know
it. He calls them "scabs" & runs them
down all the time. He says that I'm the
one that makes him drink. He has also
said he knows he drinks too much & he
will cut down and he does for a day or so,
then it's back to the booze. I am so
unhappy in this marriage but I don't have
any money or anywhere to go. I guess I
just keep hoping he will quit the
drinking. He doesn't seem to realize how
it affects all our lives & how he
isn't a part of our lives anymore. If the
kids need to be taken somewhere, it's
always up to me to do the running, even
after working all day. I'm tired of
everything & feel like I'm going to
have a nervous breakdown. I'm so worried
about my son & where he's staying
& if he's going to school. Any
advice?
|
Ingi
Supporter
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8766 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 161
Thanked:194
Posted: 09-27-07 11:30am
Go to Alanon.
How will Al-Anon help me?
Many who come to Al-Anon/Alateen are in
despair, feeling hopeless, unable to
believe that things can ever change. We
want our lives to be different, but
nothing we have done has brought about
change. We all come to Al-Anon because we
want and need help.
In Al-Anon and Alateen, members share
their own experience, strength, and hope
with each other. You will meet others who
share your feelings and frustrations, if
not your exact situation. We come together
to learn a better way of life, to find
happiness whether the alcoholic is still
drinking or not.
|
austinmv
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Sep 2007 Posts: 1
Re: Alcoholic Husband Posted: 09-28-07 10:08am
dtrescott7
wrote:
I desperately need some
advice! I have been married to my husband
for 20 years. About 12 years ago he would
have an occasional beer (maybe 3-4 a week)
He now drinks a 6 pack a night, EVERY
NIGHT! Our daughter was killed in a car
accident 10 years ago and since then the
drinking has just gotten worse &
worse. I have been verbally and mentally
abused when my husband is drinking. He
has gotten in fights (physical at times)
with our 17 year old son & called him
horrible names when he is drinking. My
son has now moved out because he can't
stand his dads drinking. He has been gone
2 1/2 weeks now & my husband has only
asked me once about him! My husband does
NOTHING with me or our kids unless it
involves his side of the family. We even
go on our own vacations! He doesn't go to
any of his kids soccer games, plays, award
banquets, dance recitals,
etc......NOTHING! He doesn't even spend a
holiday meal with us and hasn't for 8
years or so. I am convinced this is all
because of his drinking. Once
"beer-thirty" starts, he is totally out of
commision because he won't drink &
drive. My children and grandchildren from
a previous marriage are not welcome in our
home & they know it. He calls them
"scabs" & runs them down all the time.
He says that I'm the one that makes him
drink. He has also said he knows he
drinks too much & he will cut down and
he does for a day or so, then it's back to
the booze. I am so unhappy in this
marriage but I don't have any money or
anywhere to go. I guess I just keep
hoping he will quit the drinking. He
doesn't seem to realize how it affects all
our lives & how he isn't a part of our
lives anymore. If the kids need to be
taken somewhere, it's always up to me to
do the running, even after working all
day. I'm tired of everything & feel
like I'm going to have a nervous
breakdown. I'm so worried about my son
& where he's staying & if he's
going to school. Any
advice?
dtrescott i'm an
alcoholic. the good thing is i know it.
and have admitted it. when i drink thats
the most important thing in my life and i
have neglected so many important things in
my life and with excessive drinking i've
been verbally abusive to my gf. the only
thing i really can tell you is your
beliefs of the drinking is the problem you
are absolutely correct. i attend family
gathering spend time at social events with
my gf's family and i enjoy the heck out
it. but when i start drinking i want
abslutely nothing to do with the outside
world beyone my beer in the fridge or my
bottle. i'm not sure how much alcohol he's
drinking in a day but i can tell you it
will only get worse. and i don't know if
thats a good thing or bad because it took
my to hit rock bottom to abmit my problem
and he may have to do the same. alanon is
a great suggestion because it will help
you cope with the situation emotionally
and you will no you are not alone in this
stuggle. all i can wish for is he learns
of his problem before it gets as bad as
mine because i lost everything
|
mrsbuzski
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2007 Posts: 103 Location: U.S.A. -- Illinois
Loose Everything... Posted: 09-29-07 02:35am
God help you!
All you can do is pray!
Whether it be that you pray that the
person quit drinking or the person dies of
liver damage that is THEIR means, not
yours. You are wise enough to know the
difference!
Don't forget that!
|
wazzywoman4ever
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 67 Location: texas, america
Your Not Alone Posted: 10-14-07 15:59pm
If he is not supporting you and you can
afford to ......can you ask him to leave?
can you afford to leave...or can you hold
out until he hits bottom? we all know what
we might do if we were you but we are not
you ...what can you live with? my best
guess is that you make peace with the
situation and continue til he changes for
better or worse but if you want out then
start investing your energy in the best
and safest way to get out ....catch your
breath and get out from under all this
pressure.....trial separation do something
so you will know and not have to guess
.knowing will make a difference doing
something will make a difference but in
all of this and what is coming you are not
alone ...be safe be happy ...one day at a
time
wazzywoman/robin
|
Nightflight
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Oct 2007 Posts: 5
Posted: 10-27-07 14:21pm
Your story sounds almost like mine.
Except for the kids from a previous
marriage. I finally left. I lived with
someone while I got on my feet, then got
my first apartment. I LOVED it, it was so
peaceful and I was not degraded any
longer. This was years ago. Our last
child was just out of high school. I did
not even have a bed when I first moved. I
slept on a pallet on the floor. But it
was MY floor:) I gradually got everything
I needed and my dignity back. I attended
alanon. There is an online alanon meeting
though, it is at 12stepforums and there is
someone there 24/7 to talk with you. You
will find you are not alone and will learn
a lot about this dreadful sickness. God
Speed to you and yours. The years have
restored unto me all that the locusts had
eaten. I am far richer than I could have
ever dreamed of.
|
daffodil67
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 54 Location: , midsouth, usa (think presidential pair)
Posted: 11-02-07 08:38am
AlAnon, AlAnon, AlAnon...The reason I say
this is that you need some sanity in your
life. AlAnon can provide it. I have seen
women live in such situations with the aid
of Alanon (for various reasons not leaving
or asking him to leave) very successfully.
I mean, jsut kicking the guy out, or you
leaving won't really SOLVE your problem,
unless you have no kids together. You
need to learn about his illness, whether
he chooses to get well or not.
The main thing is that it can give you
peace of mind. There are meetings all
over. You will learn about the disease of
alcoholism, boundaries, detaching with
love, being responsible when all you wan
to do is run...and so much more. And there
is so much love there.
If you choose nto to go the 12 step route
(although sometimes it leads to the
drinking partner ALSO going teh 12 step
route, which means MUCH more peace and
even GROWTH and quittting drinking),
please at lest see a therapist, such as an
MSW counselor (they are called different
things in each state depednign on what
their licnece is abbreviated as...here it
is LCSW. MSW is the degree they have.)
There IS hope. Just remember that, and
don't let it go any farther, to where you
jsut want to give up, i mean if you really
loved this man. You CAN have a good life.
It may not be with him, but your kids
WILL need help, too. There is a group
called Alateen. Kids need help with it
too. They dont' just "bounce back."
