Sexual Health - Women Forum - I've Gained Weight...and Now He Doesn't Want Me

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Q: I've Gained Weight...and Now He Doesn't Want Me

asked by: helpless14 on September 26th, 2007

New User

I am in my early 30's and have been with the same man for the last 7 years..we married and I have gained about 20 pounds...our sex life was healthy...and I have noticed in the last year that we have sex about 15-20 times a year...I finally confronted him and he says its because he does not find me aesthetically appealing. I was taken aback...at first but should have listened...such as his remarks like if you dropped 20 pounds i would give it to you more...I was really into the sex...but now I am so afraid of the rejection, I am scared to even ask...he says lose the weight and then its okay...but why should I? He says he loves me cant live without me....loves to cuddle with me but sex with me isnt a major concern, he says its not all about sex...and that I should appreciate the man he is because he loves me and takes care and thinks of our future? I told him a relationship should have all aspects covered and both people happy? Am I wrong....I have asked that I be able to fulfill my physical needs outside of the relationship as he is lacking in that one department and he says he will never sleep with me again after that...he doesnt want aids...but nor can he fix it...because even if I lost the weight...and I should for my own health and for me...why would I lose the weight and then give myself to him afterwards especially when he cant love me now...I am approximately 210 pounds and I was about 185 when I met him...maybe its just a scapegoat...can men or women please advise what they think I should do?

Replies(4)

sillyakchick

replied on September 26th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Uh boy, that's a tough one. If you want to lose some weight do it for yourself. But you have only gained 20 pounds since he met you, so I feel that his argument is a bit unfounded. I don't really think there is much physical difference from 185-210. I would agree with you, however, that this weight is not healthy for you, and you stand to lose much more than your relationship if you don't take your health concerns seriously. I guess, if the two of you really want to salvage the relationship, you will need to have some very open and honest dialogue about what has been happening and what has been said. It will take work on both your parts, but it might work if you are both committed to success. However, I would be wary of a man who is only interested in my physical form. That spells trouble in my opinion. Good luck with this.

Whaturmuva

replied on September 26th, 2007

Experienced User

In my opinion I think if you want to lose the weight then you should do it for yourself. If my SO were to put on weight I wouldn't be any less sexually attracted to her. Maybe I'm different here but it's the love that gets me going and as long as that is there I am always ready.

I don't think it is right to ask you to lose weight for him to want to sleep with you. It would defiantly turn me off if I was asked to do that. But I don't think you should have asked to fulfill your needs outside of the relationship because that can only cause problems. I agree with sillyakchick in the fact that you need to talk this through to find out what the underlying problems may be.

Mabel

replied on September 26th, 2007

Supporter

You should lose the weight. You will feel better about YOU if you do lose it.

There is a huge difference between 185 and 210! It is 25 lbs and at least 2 sizes in clothing. It is 11.9 % of your weight!

These things are not meant to make you feel badly. Not at all. This is you and your health and your relationship with your partner.

While people can say, "Oh, I don't think you should lose weight for him!" I agree. You shouldn't. You should lose weight FOR YOU first and your relationship second. But I will say, I would not be as attracted physically to my husband if he put on 25 lbs. As I'm sure he would feel the same way about me. (and has when I've 'fluffed' up) While I will admit it does hurt to have someone say they aren't as attracted to you, he is being truthful. 210 is not healthy for any woman. Be healthy. Physically AND emotionally.

Don't seek sex outside your relationship. Sex is not worth it. Get a vibrator to use on your own if you need that kind of thing.

Good luck on your path.

Marianne0558

replied on September 26th, 2007

Supporter

I would go on sex strike for a LONG time.

ONLY DOGS LIKE BONES Twisted Evil

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