Joined: 25 Sep 2007 Posts: 6 Location: darkest, place US
am I a sociopath? Posted: 09-25-07 16:11pm
i've gone through alot of horrible
experiences these past couple of years,
and through it, i've learned that i lack
genuine caring. I seem to only do things,
like pretending i care, to fit in with
others, to "appear" as a normal person. I
hurt people, and i force myself to think
"i'm bad" but deep down, I think of
nothing. I'm able to forget horrible
things, that would normally stay with a
person and upset them so very much. I
don't do that, or rather, i can't do that.
I thought I was just nonchalant, until
these past years, experiences didn't
change me, but since I grew older, I
started to realize things. I have no
remorse. I have 30 second feelings of
fake guilt, followed by absolutely nothing
relating to what had just happened.
My mother tried to commit suicide, and
blamed me. She said I drover her crazy.
She said it was my fault. I cried for
that night.. the next day, which is today,
i'm perfectly fine. I don't understand
why I lack the ability to genuinely care
about others. Why do I forget what
troubles me?
I think I do things for others, like "be
nice" or "help them" but deep down, i know
my true thoughts. I only want to benefit
myself, like appearing normal, or seeing
them suffer a little bit. I hurt and have
the ability to make it seem like the other
person's fault so that I can continue
doing it. But i stop myself, because, in
this society, i know that it is morally
wrong. I know that what I do is wrong and
I know i'm a bad person, but I feel that
i'm not.
am I a sociopath?
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 1
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Posted: 09-25-07 16:12pm
i think maybe yur mind just likes to block
out the bad things that are happening...so
that you dont have to deal with them. so
its easy for you to just push everything
away
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xxDinniexx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2007 Posts: 6 Location: darkest, place US
Posted: 09-25-07 16:35pm
i have automantonophobia and pediophobia
to a very extensive degree.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 1
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Posted: 09-25-07 16:40pm
dinnie hun you are not a bad person for
feeling this way
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everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 09-25-07 16:41pm
yea this all comes from how you were
raised as a kid. Your mom tries to commit
suicide and blames it on you? thats not a
healthy mom, or a mom you should have had.
Again, the only way to really get rid of
the way you feel is by going to a
therapist.
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everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 09-25-07 16:44pm
the_girlfreind
wrote:
dinnie hun you are not a bad
person for feeling this
way
ugh, will you stop giving bad advice and
just go away, ITS NOT normal or good to
feel that you dont care about others. it
not normal or good of a person to feel
that he has no remorse or guilt.
You may not be a bad person now, but you
can be with the things going on in your
head.
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xxDinniexx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2007 Posts: 6 Location: darkest, place US
Posted: 09-25-07 16:56pm
so i really am, not normal =/ ...
and i'm getting tired of pretending i am,
since it works so well, it barely phases
me, but frequently, i break myself down
and realize everytime, that i'm not who
i'm pretending to be. i also feel like i
have another personality-- NOT bipolar, or
split personality, but something that I
can't describe, and is very much there...
what is it? besides sociopathy.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 09-25-07 16:59pm
xxDinniexx
wrote:
so i really am, not normal
=/ ...
and i'm getting tired of pretending i am,
since it works so well, it barely phases
me, but frequently, i break myself down
and realize everytime, that i'm not who
i'm pretending to be. i also feel like i
have another personality-- NOT bipolar, or
split personality, but something that I
can't describe, and is very much there...
what is it? besides
sociopathy.
i dont think you are unnormal
define normal anyways?!
youve had a rough life you mentioned you
have been through some horrible
expieriences...thats why you are this way.
your mind is a very powerul thing and may
be trying to block out all of the negative
so you dont have to deal with it. its the
easy way out dont you see?
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everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 09-25-07 17:00pm
xxDinniexx
wrote:
so i really am, not normal
=/ ...
and i'm getting tired of pretending i am,
since it works so well, it barely phases
me, but frequently, i break myself down
and realize everytime, that i'm not who
i'm pretending to be. i also feel like i
have another personality-- NOT bipolar, or
split personality, but something that I
can't describe, and is very much there...
what is it? besides
sociopathy.
the only person that can answer that would
be a therapist. You obviously have
childhood issues. But anyway, who are you?
what makes you sad? what makes you happy?
how are you different aside the fact that
you have no sympathy for others? do you
care about yourself?
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 09-25-07 17:02pm
the only person that truly knows whats
wrong is YOU
a therepist can help you find out whats
wrong...but you know your life and your
self better than anyone else could ever
possibly know.
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xxDinniexx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2007 Posts: 6 Location: darkest, place US
Posted: 09-25-07 17:07pm
everyday_struggle, do you want me to
answer those?
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everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 09-25-07 17:12pm
xxDinniexx
wrote:
everyday_struggle, do you
want me to answer
those?
yes, please.
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everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 09-25-07 17:14pm
the_girlfreind
wrote:
the only person that truly
knows whats wrong is YOU
a therepist can help you find out whats
wrong...but you know your life and your
self better than anyone else could ever
possibly
know.
LMAO. your a joke.
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xxDinniexx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2007 Posts: 6 Location: darkest, place US
Posted: 09-25-07 17:27pm
everyday_struggle
wrote:
xxDinniexx
wrote:
so i really am, not normal
=/ ...
and i'm getting tired of pretending i am,
since it works so well, it barely phases
me, but frequently, i break myself down
and realize everytime, that i'm not who
i'm pretending to be. i also feel like i
have another personality-- NOT bipolar, or
split personality, but something that I
can't describe, and is very much there...
what is it? besides
sociopathy.
the only person that can answer that would
be a therapist. You obviously have
childhood issues. But anyway, who are you?
what makes you sad? what makes you happy?
how are you different aside the fact that
you have no sympathy for others? do you
care about
yourself?
what makes me sad, is dramatic movies, the
smallest things. I saw the ugly duckling
movie and i cried. But I saw someone get
hurt bad, physically, and I laughed.
Could've cared less, I even stayed a while
longer to see how they were suffering.
That just sounded sadistic, which I'm not
to overally am in the region of.
What makes me happy is when people agree
with me. When people do stuff for me,
when .....something is for or to be for
only me. An action could help someone
else, but if it's mainly for me, that
makes me feel accomplished, that i belong
above. I like to make people angry and
mad, and then make it seem like their
fault for overreacting. it doesn't
necessarily make me happy, but it's
something i like. I like things about me.
Sounds narcisstic, sorry.
People always thought I was different. It
started because I was ambidextrous, then I
was an astounding piano player, and
fieldhockey competitor. Then they saw me
quit, and said I changed. I like things
that others don't. I like that irritable
physical pain, like tearing my gums and
making them bleed for some reason. I'm
the one, who stands out in crowds. My
friends, they know i'm the crazier one.
They know i'm the kleptomaniac, and the
suspended student. They don't get why I
don't want to be followers, like them.
I think... i care about myself. Not so
much, as caring in sincerity, but putting
myself before others, more like
selfishness to an extent. I make sure
that whatever I do, is to help me in some
way.
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everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 09-25-07 17:39pm
Thats how i pictured you to be. It seems
that yea, you defintley have a soft spot
for things you may consider innocent. Your
enjoyment of someone getting hurt maybe
because deep down in your subconscience
that person may have done something to
someone else to deserve it. Who knows, but
talking to a therapist will get you those
answers. The fact that you hurt yourself
and it feels good leads me to believe
that, that makes you feel alive and
ofcourse your the crazy one and suspended
student. You crave the attention that you
get when you act out. You like to get
people angry because you like the fact
that you can affect some emotionally and
that gives you power and you like having
power because you never had it. Im not a
psychatrist but this is what i think maybe
the root of it.The last little sentence
about helping others only if it benefits
you. That right there, you can work on.
Once you start helping others without the
feeling that your doing it to somehow help
you will be a lot more rewarding. Helping
someone that you did not need to or maybe
even want to but you did it anyway, feeds
the good in you. Try changing that and see
how that works for you.
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xxDinniexx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2007 Posts: 6 Location: darkest, place US
Posted: 09-25-07 18:04pm
how will I know if i'm genuinely helping
someone not for myself? I'll always think
back and wonder that.
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everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 09-25-07 18:13pm
xxDinniexx
wrote:
how will I know if i'm
genuinely helping someone not for myself?
I'll always think back and wonder
that.
You can either wait until someone asks you
for your help or you can volunteer your
help somewhere. Like a homeless shelter
for example. Who knows, you might find
something your good at.
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BuildABetterLife
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Sep 2007 Posts: 12 Location: Atlanta, GA USA
Posted: 10-14-07 20:09pm
Dinnie, you have an abusive mother who has
hurt you severely.
Your mind is just reacting trying to
protect itself.
You are not a sociopath.
Stop trying to diagnose yourself and seek
local therapy to get an honest evaluation.
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PsychNurse007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 14
Posted: 10-15-07 01:44am
It may be a good idea to seek professional
help. To me is sounds like you have the
symptoms of many different illnesses. You
seem to block out things that are painful
to you and have inapropriate reactions to
things (laughing when someone gets hurt)
which is also another coping mechanism
used when situations are uncomfortable or
painful. Also, you stated that you stop
yourself because you know that things are
morally wrong, which is one of the major
signs that you are not a sociopath.
Sociopaths genrally are regarded as
"amoral" or lacking sense of morality.
Also, sociopathy is seen much much more in
men than in women, and genrally are unable
to function in normal society- not being
able to hold a job, repeated arrests, lack
of relationships, which you have not
mentioned. You do however, seem to be
manipulative, which is seen frequently in
people with antisocial personality
disorder (sociopaths), but in your case is
probably more related to childhood in that
you used manipulation starting at an early
age to get your needs met. You seem to
have attention seeking qualities, mostly
with negative behavior. This may be due
to the fact that throughout your life,
people have responded to your negative
behavior. I think you would receive much
help from some sort of professional help
like individual therapy, or family
therapy. Since you wrote this the day
after your mother blamed you for her
attempted suicide, is this a reaction to
that? It sounds like you are picking out
all the things you don't like about
yourself or that you think are your
negative qualities. Try not to focus too
much energy on things you don't like about
yourself. You said that you are an
astounding piano player. You also said
that you stand out in crowds and that you
are a leader which can be wonderful
qualities. This also means that people
respect you and listen to what you have to
say. You sound like you are intelligent
also, so try therapy for a little bit and
see what comes out of it, you may be
surprised.
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we_r_not_alone
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2007 Posts: 5
:) Posted: 11-19-07 14:51pm
I would like to ask, what’s been
troubling you? you said these last couple
of yrs you've been through a lot. Please
elaborate my dear if it is not too
personal. This could be the cause of your
problem.
Go to a psych for a diagnosis!!!! u can
only wonder and assume.
may i also ask what triggered your mum's
behaviour? was there a little argument or
disagreement there? what happened exactly.
