Believe me when I say this:

I didn't use drugs, but I did just finish living a season of excess. I cut myself off from my family this past spring and lied a lot. I laid around my house with my friends and boyfriend. I didn't attend class. I ignored calls from my parents. I failed many courses.

I said I was fine. I said I was following my feelings. I WAS NOT HAPPY. It was all a lie.

My behavior was a cry for help to my parents even though I didn't know it. I was spiraling into a mess of self-destruction and I don't know where I'd be right now if my parents had not DEMANDED that I visit them this summer. They saved me from myself. I was about to throw my dreams away to live with a man I didn't even love anymore. I was only dating him - marrying him - because it pissed off my parents, and I didn't want them ruling my life.

I am so thankful that they loved me enough to not let me get lost. I was this-close to being gone forever from them and my family. I can't think of anything much more horrible than a family ignoring pleas of help from a child. You might not see direct things, but if you know your child for real, then you will know when you need to step in.

Sometimes, being a good person is NOT letting someone "just do what they want". That's why people have interventions for drugs and alcohol. Because you will never hear the truth from the person who needs help. They will paint a pretty picture, but they're lying.

I totally agree with Eiri..she's a woman of the world and knows ropes.............listen to her............it may not be what you watn to ehar, but at least she has made an honest effort to help you before you step in it so deep you can't get out!

And for the record....college grad, was research lab tech III for several years and very one knows I AM 50 years YOUNG!

eiri everything you say makes so much sense and you know what? youre seriously one of the smartest best examples of an intelligent strog young woman that i know

eiri is right
i agree with everything she said above

:blush: Thanks guys....

Thank-you. And ditto to what others have also said about you.

Honestly, I guess I am not empathetic because I cannot for the life of me figure out how she and her family could still think it's a choice.


And what evidence is there that he was using drugs? Maybe he just used drugs that one time to end it all?

What he needed was a family to love him unconditionally, who would also step in when they were needed like Eiri's parents did.

awww poor soul! Glad you did not got lost eiri. I can't relate with you. I Never have been into the path self-destruction. But knowing how you think I can see why you were going to do what you were going to do. It is sad.

Advice
Lack of communication is the first cause of divorce in america. If you don't communicate effectively you won't be understood. Not in work, not in your marriage, not in your life. So next time eiri if you have a problem say it. Don't need to go into self-destruction, just talk about it. LISTEN, ANALYZE and learn to COMPROMISE. Always look for a happy medium for the situations.

I had been fortunate to have my parents near me almost all my life to watch me over. And so many times I dated guys and my parents having higher insight would tell me what they thought of them, if they seem like they loved me or not. And so many times I thought they were wrong and you know they proved to be right everytime. So advice number 2 - Listen to your parents. They are right.

and btw what was your problem that you wanted to go away from your parents?

my family loved him unconditionally just in the same exact way they love me unconditionally. Actually he was more spoiled than me. My parents did everything right with him.

Why didn't you love him like that?

I sure did too. And he loved me likewise. I was even his appointed beneficiary when he died (one of the smartest thing he did).

I wished that as a gay he should have handled his homosexuality in a more intelligent and healthy way. And this has nothing to do with the drug issue.

"Believe me when I say this:

I didn't use drugs, but I did just finish living a season of excess. I cut myself off from my family this past spring and lied a lot. I laid around my house with my friends and boyfriend. I didn't attend class. I ignored calls from my parents. I failed many courses.

I said I was fine. I said I was following my feelings. I WAS NOT HAPPY. It was all a lie.

My behavior was a cry for help to my parents even though I didn't know it. I was spiraling into a mess of self-destruction and I don't know where I'd be right now if my parents had not DEMANDED that I visit them this summer. They saved me from myself. I was about to throw my dreams away to live with a man I didn't even love anymore. I was only dating him - marrying him - because it angered off my parents, and I didn't want them ruling my life.

I am so thankful that they loved me enough to not let me get lost. I was this-close to being gone forever from them and my family. I can't think of anything much more horrible than a family ignoring pleas of help from a child. You might not see direct things, but if you know your child for real, then you will know when you need to step in.

Sometimes, being a good person is NOT letting someone "just do what they want". That's why people have interventions for drugs and alcohol. Because you will never hear the truth from the person who needs help. They will paint a pretty picture, but they're lying. "

This is Good stuff, this is real Good stuff. Sometimes your parents miss them because they are so well hidden but our father in heaven who sees all knows your needs even before you ask.

Women who seek or have had an abortion need help, you will not hear the truth about abortion, they will paint a pretty picture of choice and freedom ect, but they are lying.

Like what?

For one accepting some facts and thus behaving according to the situation. He should have kept more his personal life to himself. Like say for example I'm using birth control cause I'm having sex and I'm not married. In PR which has a different culture well this doesn't give you a good image so if say for example all my mother's sister are talking I'm not going to anounce out loud I'm using birth control without being married to them thus giving myself a bad image. It is just not proper place to do so. My personal life they don't need to know. But if in the other hand I say I use birth control here this is a different crowd and therefore here it appropiate place to say. See what I mean?

Basically, Puerto Rico has a "don't ask, don't tell" policy with homosexuality just like the american army does. I don't approve of it here and I don't approve of it there.

My story was to illustrate the fact that your family did not reach out to him when they should have. It was to chastize you.

And I knew it would get twisted by someone to become a pro-life message. I don't even care. Heck, I was expecting someone to twist it to say "yes, and people who are homosexual should not be allowed to "just do what they want" because it is a mental disease and they need to be cured".

I am glad you made it through your hard time the better for it, Eiri.

A woman of the world? Not quite yet. Chastizing someone about their brother's death is not quite a sensitive and intelligent action.



Actually, this is dishonest.

Lol, I never claimed to be perfect. Or a woman of the world. Names are given to me!

Anyway, I realised I forgot to answer part of nightangel's post.

As I sort of mentioned in MY post, the reason I was estranged from my parents was due to my now-ex boyfriend. He is bisexual. He's 6 years older than me. He's... odd to say the least. Cross-dressing, buddhism, vegetarian, used to have long hair, the list goes on and on. He was unemployed for about a year after college, and actually spent the spring semester just bumming at one of the friend's houses on campus and in the room of one of the friends on campus. My question was always... "His parents LET him do this!?"

We began dating that spring, and he ended up coming back to Oswego that fall to finish his education and actually graduate. He did so, and we kept dating for two more years. During that time, I moved out of the dorms into a house in town with some friends. All guy friends. My parents didn't like that all at. They almost prevented me from doing it and I was almost back in the dorms that fall (junior year) but they relented. My boyfriend hadn't gotten a job over the spring after graduating in december. He came to live with me in the house, and worked two dead-beat jobs for a few months before returning home to his mom's house.

He lived there with another friend until his mom got smart and stared charging rent. He didn't have a job until right before she started charging. The two of them moved out to an apartment. They spent a year there, and have just recently moved out again. He's back at his mom's house.

The fall of my senior year (right after they moved into the apartment) I began questioning whether or not I wanted to be with him any more. I was also depressed and upset because I'd messed up my schedule so I wasn't going to be able to graduate in the spring. I wouldn't be finishing college in 4 years. I felt like a failure, like the worst person on the planet. Also that fall, my parents moved to Florida. I felt abandoned, even though I'd been the one trying to avoid THEM the past two years.

So things just kept adding up. I didn't call my parents in the spring semester. I let my cell phone die, and the bill to be unpaid so it wasn't even active. I signed off AIM when they signed on. I never e-mailed. Why? Because I knew I was messing up, though I felt like more of a failure than they viewed me as. I beat myself up emotionally.

They ended up calling my boyfriend at work in a desperate attempt to find me. They called him a few things that I still find highly offensive ("You're too gay for our daughter!") and that sent me into a rage. They only did it because they love me though. I vowed to not let go of him just because they wanted me to... even though I'd been just about to break up with him. I told myself "well, it's THEIR fault I'm with him now!" I was full of crap. Yes, maybe things would have ended better if they hadn't called and done that, but then again, they wouldn't have had to do it in the first place if I hadn't been acting like a person.

So, he ended up asking me to marry him and I said yes despite misgivings. I didn't know WHAT planet I was on. The school year ended, I failed all of my courses, and plopped myself down in my boyfriend's apartment, vowing not to go back in the fall and just "work for a while". What was I on? Nothing amazingly! I was deluding myself. My parents were sending my mom up to pick up the car, which was theirs anyway and which I couldn't have anymore since I wasn't going to be in school. Since my brother was going into the airforce this fall, they wanted me to spend some time with him before he left. I said "Fine, one month, and then I'm leaving again." A lot of my stuff was at my boyfriend's apartment. I really intended to stay.

Well, after the drive down to Florida, I ended up staying the whole summer. Why? Because once I got down there and started talking, things started happening. My brain reset. I hung out with my brother, and went to an airforce meeting with him. I got all excited about the possibility of joining, which had always been a dream of mine. I told my fiancee this on AIM. He shot me down, saying I wasn't military material, and that I wasn't smart enough for NASA (another long-time childhood dream). I was aghast. We talked some more, and he literally said that if I joined the airforce, the engagement was off.

I finally broke down in my parents arms, and cried my eyes out. I finally realised it wasn't alright, and it wasn't going to work. I also ralised what a f*cktard I'd been. I broke up with him that night, on AIM and then with a long phone call ending in "Yes, this means we're not engaged anymore."

So now that you've got waaaay more info than you wanted... <_<

Your comments are extremely one sided. Why don't you keep them to yourself until you can be more even handed?

For example, why didn't you admonish nightangel for this condescending reply to Eiri's story:



awww poor soul! Glad you did not got lost eiri. I can't relate with you. I Never have been into the path self-destruction. But knowing how you think I can see why you were going to do what you were going to do. It is sad.

Advice
Lack of communication is the first cause of divorce in america. If you don't communicate effectively you won't be understood. Not in work, not in your marriage, not in your life. So next time eiri if you have a problem say it. Don't need to go into self-destruction, just talk about it. LISTEN, ANALYZE and learn to COMPROMISE. Always look for a happy medium for the situations.

I had been fortunate to have my parents near me almost all my life to watch me over. And so many times I dated guys and my parents having higher insight would tell me what they thought of them, if they seem like they loved me or not. And so many times I thought they were wrong and you know they proved to be right everytime. So advice number 2 - Listen to your parents. They are right.

and btw what was your problem that you wanted to go away from your parents?[/quote]

Ok, I think I see what you mean. Your brother announced he was gay in front of too many people, and he should've just not said anything to anybody?

Why aren't you angry that he didn't just switch to be heterosexual?