Bella,

you & I have talked before - you have to realize that your problems didn't just happen out of the blue & so you won't be healed out of the blue either. It will take time, alot of energy, willpower, help (from friends, professionals etc) & you will go backwards sometimes.

Uni work will stress you, that is normal, whether others show it or not, they do (& are) get stressed (unless of course they don't care & are happy to fail!!). My daughter has a very high iq, is very organized but she is also stressed out about uni & she is hell to live with (there are times when I truly wish she's move out, be anywhere but here!!). So feeling stresssed about uni is ok. What you have to do, is try (repeat try) & keep on top of things by setting up a study programme & as far as possible sticking to it, but you must include in it, some time out, movies, plays, walks, time with friends etc. Or the tiredness & stress will eat away at you (excuse the pun) & you will go backwards & feel bad.

A couple of years ago I took to both arms with scissors, something I never thought I would or could do, but we can all do things we never think we can, it just takes the right set of circumstances at the right (or wrong!) time. I can't say i'll never do it again, but I promised myself that I would seek help & I did (which you need to do) & that I would remind myself how lousy I felt about it any time I thought of doing that or anything else stupid again. So far well I am alive & so are those around me!!

Go & see a counsellor - is there a student union/guild or similar there, here they have counsellors who can help guide students on any matter, medical, personal, legal, etc etc - & it's free. So try that, if not look in the local phone book for eating disorder support groups &/or see a dr - not my favourite people!! But with self-harm & not eating etc maybe it is necessary.

Please also smile as often as you can - pull funny faces in the mirror at ourself - that should help you smile!! Smiling releases chemicals in our brains to reduce stress/anxiety/depression.

Ah I feel better that I was able to tell someone, I felt so ashamed. I want to thank you, you are a courage of support to many people on this forum.

I do go out and socialise all the time, I am a party girl but always make sure my studies dont get affected. I am actually off to london for my friends 20th tonite and I cant wait- so excited .

I doubt I will ever do such a stupid thing like that again but like u say never say never but id like to think id have the control not to. Yes they do have many counsellor's available at uni, im actually involved in what we call "link line" it is a service for students run by student who can call up if they want to talk about something or have a problem. But in all honesty I will not be going to see a counsellor, its not me, I could'nt go and talk to someone face to face about things, never. I will just deal with it in my own way. ( I always do!)

ne way gtg in to town and buy my nan some flowers for her bday today.
Takecare, thanx again. :d