I guess I should explain why i've been depressed. Back in november I kind of suspected that I was pregnant, but wasn't sure. Anyway my next door nieghbor a forty something year old man brought his daughter to my house so that she could play with my son. He used to bring her by all the time so it wasn't a big thing to me. When the little girl left I went upstairs to my mother-inlaws house, yes she lives right above from me. I told her that laura the little girl was playing with elijah. I always tell my hubby everything. Two days go by and all of the sudden he flips out on me on a car ride home, telling me that I better not be having men over the house when he is not there. I was like what the medical question . I already knew what he was talking about so I said what the hell is your problem I already told he came to drop her off and I even told your mother. He said I don't need people talking caca to me, and it wasn't my mother. So I told him to tell me who was talking caca, but he wouldn't tell me. So I said if you have anykind of balls you would tell me, eventually he told me it was his uncle. So when we got home I went to his uncles house but he wasn't there. Later on that day his mother comes down and tells me that why did I go over tho his uncles house. I said because he was talking caca about me and she said that it was her that told sheldon something (my hubby) abd I was like why I already had told you he was over. It was like for a minute or so just to drop her off. She started getting stupid so I walked her out of my house and locked thedoor. My fool husband came and opened the door only to start a big fight between his mom and me. I started crying telling her why would she think so low of me. Like I would be stupid enough to bring someone into their house and with kids in the house, mind you his duaghter is 11, she would be stupid not to know what was going on. Needless to say I called her a health forum and took a swing at her but my hubby blocked me, so I missed. His brother and his wife came down stairs to see what the he ll was going on and saw us arguing. Out of nowhere his father came and started calling me a 5 dollar female part of the body. That my mother was a female part of the body and my sister too that why I came out like that. He cursed out my dad too. By then I was not having it, I walked inside the house because we were in the hallway and grabbed my butchers
knife. My hubby grabbed me and threw me on the floor whie his brother took the knife out of my hand. I never wanted to kill somebody in my life like I wanted to kill him. My sister-in-law yell to get off of me. I was crying so much that I couldn't breath. She wastrying to caslm me down, and said brenda be careful, you still don't know if your pregnant or not. My brother in law said what, and took the initiative to get his parents out of there. They all went upstairs while my sis in law tried to calm me down. I finally did, then I didn't feel so sad by then I was pissed. So I went upstairs and started another argument. Could you believe that they took it out on their own grandkid. I don't care how pissed you are at me don't take it out on a kid that has notheing to do with it.. After the argument they wanted me to move out, but since I hgot more balls than all of them put together, I didn't go anywhere. Now its been about 4 months and all I do every night is cry, because I don't understand how is it that from me being in ther house everyday, counting on them and loving them. They get the impresion that I a prostitute. I thought that they loved me too. My hubby says I stress it too much and he never believed them any way. But it hurts me alot, i'm tired of crying everyday because of them. I have this belly and my son to worry about. But I don't know what it is that I can't get over. I'm sorry this is sooo long but everybody else has had a chance to vent here. I was just waiting to I got to know some of you better. I can't believe that i'm crying now. I feel so sad because I never felt hatred towards anyone, and now I do. It makes me sick to feel this way, but I can't help myself.

Brenda

thanks again