I had a very nasty panic attack earlier today, one far worse than quite possibly anything I've experienced before, perhaps matching the 1st one I ever had, and it made it so bad I was looking around for a razor and seriously considered committing suicide.
What happened was I was convinced that suddenly I was going to die and everything around me started looking sinister and evil and I started seeing 666 everywhere and just evil things popping out of everywhere , which freaked me the hell out, then started the rapid heartbeat and the breathing, and I was 1000% convinced that my death was imminent, and that the devil was going to take me straight to hell and that this current anxiety panic fear state i was feeling was going to last for all eternity, and at that moment I was like holy health question, I'm still alive, god help me before I die I dont want to end up like this, yet I was also reaching for the razors. Realizing that this was bad, I rushed into my car and sped off to the ER.
I know it's bad to drive in a state like this, but I was so desperate at that point. Knowing also that most likely it was a horrid panic attack, either that or a doing it possession by Satan himself, that's how bad it felt, I took some ativan to help with the symptoms. Upon arriving at the ER, and seeing a counselor and much Ativan later, I calmed down to normal, and realized that infact it was an extremely awful anxiety attack, that came out of the blue.
All I know is, how the HELL can these things be THIS powerful?
It's awful!!!
I'm glad I beat it this time, but they can come right out of the blue, and send you straight to HELL, a mental hell that's so anguishing, I don't think anything matches it.
Is this a true bad panic attack, or is there more going on than I know, perhaps other mental disorders thrown in there?
It was scary. Scary thoughts , straight from hell. lol.
It's almost as if, your worst fears and anxieties, and what not, or your own brain turns against you at full force, spewing the most fearful thoughts, and nasty body symtpoms you can imagine all at once for an intense 5-10 period, testing your will to live.
Why are these things so nasty?
Does life stress, or something I did, contribute to these things?
Or is it a chemical imbalance thing?
Whatever this is, it's extremely frightening.