I also wanted to ask if it was a good idea for me to mention that I am still a virgin, I don't mean that it was the first thing I said but while in a conversation were we are talking about just about everything I did mention it. Should I keep that too myself and if I things go all the way just play along?


If anyone reads this please help me I have no one else to turn too that wont make fun of me or something

Look this girl doesn't like you enough. She will probably go back to you if the other guy turns her down. So you are like second plate for her.

I understand curiousity for having sex but not be so obessesed to have it. It will happen at the right time and will be good if it happens with a woman that loves you. Imagine if you had sex with this gal that other day, she was going to date the other guy and dump you after you being this intimate with her. You would end up with bigger broken heart. Wait for true love my friend. You have to learn now that you are young that if only one side loves and the other doesn't the relationship is not going to last. It takes the two committed to the relationship for it to work out.

This girl is young and is experiencing around. She ain't taking you seriously.

I don't expect to ever be someones first choice, why would I be heck I am 28 years old and this is what I would consider to be my first ever real date. How much longer do I need to wait I'm 28. I dont think I can keep living like this its getting to be too much for me to handle I dont know how to fix it what to fix it. I think I understand what your getting at and if I was 15 I would agree with it but 28 I think its too late for me to use that logic

If you don't expect to ever be someones first choice then you have very low self steem, no pride, no ambition in life.

What you feel bad because you are 28 and still a virgin? I was a virgin until I was 31 how about that? And I had dates so it was by choice to remain virgin. I'm getting married next month at 34. Your life is not over at 28. You have a long long way to go yet so don't think you have to take the leftovers by now. You should never think to settle for less. That's awful and you will realize about it later on. I understand how you feel for being alone at that age because at that time I wasn't in a steady relationship like yourself and I know you wonder when when but trust me it will happen.

Well, I feel even worse I for some reason decided to text message her and asked how the date was going, she said that she was getting a hotel room. I feel so bad I feel like I am an fool I have been single so long and this went on for a week and now this, i feel like i dont know what I feel if its love or what it is am i an fool am i really that stupid i did text her back that if she has sex with this guy i can never love her but i have gotten nothing back so far i feel so bad and i dont know why or what i did to deserve this. i feel like something worse then depression i dont know what to say anymore i guess i am just not worth much of anything to anybody starting to question why i even try to be a good person or anything of the sort.

sorry about your friend chevca.

Well she called me and apparently my lack of experince was a problem she said that it would be ok for her to have been with another guy because we were only going out for one week. Again being that I don't know what I am doing I dont know if thats right or wrong. I am at work know so the emotions are becoming very hard to hold back. I might write more when I get home and can cry by myself

Well I have had the day to reflect and its not so bad except that a whole other screwed up aspect has developed. You see she had tried setting me up with on of her friends earlier probably a warning sign. well anyway she called me we talked she seems more stable and like a better person then her friend. I keep thinking that she might end up like her friend or that her friend will appear in the future.

At this point the combination of emotional damage and now I think I might be letting myself get wrapped up with a group of crazy people. I dont know what to think or do or anything I am lost I want to meet someone so bad that I dont know what is the right compromise and what isnt, why cant I just meet someone, someone who likes I like them they respect I respect them I feel like I am out of time and out of options what was happiness this time last week has turned into a headache and a confusion that I cant describe I need help I need another option which I cant seem to find or look for or anything

Step away. It sounds like a hurtful situation. Just walk away from the entire situation. Find someone else who does not know this group of people. You'll be better off for it, I promise.

chevca, i agree with nightangel. everything she said was correct. But im also going to give you a little bit of an analogy. If you were walking down the street and saw an apple for 50 cents, would you buy it for a dollar? no. Well your selling yourself low and you expect someone to buy you for a higher price. That girl that told u she was on a date and was going to a hotel room is a scumbag. She is either telling you the truth or lying, either way, dont deal with her. Seems like you want a girlfreind and someone to love. Well, you found your first date. Now go find another one the same way you found this one. Just remember the the more times you try, the closer you are to finding that right one. and remember this is a game. Play this like a game and you will come out victorious.

Thing is I don't think I have any idea how to play the game even now, I must have sent out 100's or emails flirts whatever on allot of internet sites, I have been to bars with friends though I don't drink and despite all this for over a year all i have to show for it was her. I am now realizing that if this was high school it might not be so bad but 28 I dont know if I'll find anyone else ever know. Also just another update I talked to her friend last night she said I should call her this morning which I did left a VMX but nothing back some 3 hours later. I am starting to question allot of whats going on with me and if I will ever get another chance or what is going to happen I dont just dont know anymore

Well this other girl told me or I guess might have sort of confirmed what my gut was telling me. The first girl the one who rented a room, well turns out that she was cheating on her 10 month boyfriend with me. she was most likely with this boyfriend in the room last weekend. So how do I avoid this situation again I mean I couldn't see myself cheating not that I ever could of course but now I feel like I am being picky because I have to eliminate cheaters from my possible dates. Plus how do I know that what I said and did really did get her to be with me initially if she was cheating seems that she might have taken anything she could get no matter how much I screwed up or misstepped. I am starting to wonder what I did to deserve this type of pain. Should I just figure any girl that I fall for will just automatically hurt me. How can I still let myself fall for anyone if this is what happens I am at an end I can't see any solutions to my problem at this point now.

Well as I suspected its been a couple weeks now and I've tried to do what I did when I met the girl who was a cheater. Thinking maybe I had learned something and that I would have some sort of success. But as I feared I have had nothing I sent out through various sites about 40 emails nothing really I had one girls number went badly including her saying that she was thinking some people are only meant to be single. The other girl I was emailing back and forth and then today she said that she felt too much pressure to give me a phone number despite us emailing back and forth about 20 times and the last email to me was that she dosent date much either, of course me being the fool that I am told her that I have a similar problem. then tried to apologize for pressuring her. She seemed on the surface or what I could get from her profile like a good fit. I of course probably have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to fitting in. But sent her my email explaining above sent about midday and nothing back. So I guess I am kind of wondering if I cant get a girlfriend what the point anymore I dont feel like I should be here it seems like if I was meant to do something or I dont know what then I would not have this trouble. do I need to lower my standards to cheating with someone else girlfriend all so that I can at least have some sort of companionship. Is that how this game is played I cant have what I want so take anything no matter what they are. I just dont know is dating supposed to hurt I just dont know anymore I dont know what to feel or do or anything I am starting to wonder if somewhere I have screwed up in way that I cant fix and that I am just going to miserable till the day I finally die.

I didn't read everything you said but from the gist of it, its pretty obvious you are in desperation. What girls do not like to see nor attracted to.. is desperation. Sending out emails and talking to what seems to be internet people about your situation and attempting to date them that obviously, would turn them off. I'm not a girl and I know I'd be turned off and actually annoyed seeing emails coming on and on from some guy I don't even know that well yet. Forging a relationship and seeking happiness isn't based on some karma system or like career goals where the harder you work and seek for it, the closer you are to reaching it. In trying to forge a relationship and seek happiness, the tighter your grip gets, and the fragile relationship will break. How many relationships fall because the man, out of hope, attachment, and desperation, try to keep the relationship going by trying to control everything. Many. It works the opposite way of a merit system I believe, when you give up and not try, that is when you will find somebody (do NOT think that then you should just give up trying so you can find somebody, there is no loophole in this). Take your time, there is NOTHING cute or attractive about the level of desperation you are in. You will not get a girl by forcing and showing your desperate intentions (unless you happen to find one just like that).

Just for the record I haven't been sending hundreds of emails, winks whatever to the same people. I meant that I have been sending the above to hundreds of different people and as far as being desperate what would you call being 28 years old single, virgin I have even tried being myself which is advice I have gotten before but again I have been myself for 28 years and thats how I go into this situation. So again I am posting because I again have no where else to turn too, if you could suggest someplace else I'm all ears and would love to give anything a shot.

Chevca, cheer up and remain positive. I too have been there and there are ways to get over it... and I have infact gone through this same sense of urgency and isolation feeling. At 23 and dropping out of college without a real social network (school ensured I couldn't have any other time commitments) and never having a date or kiss by that point was very difficult to manage. It kinda drove me crazy actually. But life isn't over and there are some important things to keep in mind.

First of all, both socially and for long term relationships, you need a significant and consistent time commitment. Think as though you are going to know a girl for months and months even before she thinks of moving past the 'just friends' state. You can't immediately meet a girl and then expect to have sex or marry her or something... maybe it happens once in a while but you can't even think like that. It'll drive you crazy. You have to become friends with her first. This sex on first dates thing is something for movies and pornography and stuff and something in the minds of men which we need to get rid of. Men and women are biologically different in that way and women value the relationships. Remember that!!!

Another thing, about what to say and act like. Be the most friendly, funny and caring guy out there and be POSITIVE, even if you don't feel like this on the inside. You are not the only person out there with crap in their life. People gravitate toward toward the people that are so happy and fun to be with that they forget all their problems. Act this role as best you can. My strategy is to avoid saying anything bad about yourself or the world unless it is absolutely necessary. Maintain a facade that you don't have any problems and people will like to hang out with you more. Most likely, you'll become happier and forget you had those problems to start with.

Thirdly, when something does happen... don't overreact. I've done this way too many times and read way too much into things. It often doesn't mean as much as you think it means so don't grow attached to someone you don't really know very well. Talk to and flirt with all the girls you meet and expect them to do the exact same thing. Make sure you go at a pace that you are comfortable with... if it feels weird you are probably doing something wrong. Forced relationships often end badly.

And finally, keep trying and learn from your mistakes. This isn't easy and it takes time but it's possible. You've got to expect things not to go right at first and every once in awhile afterward but stay persistent. It should be a lot of fun once you get the hang of it.

So its been a couple of months since I have started this whole ordeal and at one point I was emailing back and forth with one girl who I did see a couple months ago. But then today she said that now she is not interested. Then there was this other girl that I spent over two weeks emailing and then came to talk to her over the phone and for some reason I froze up this was Saturday and been trying to get a hold of her since then left her a VMX today but nothing back. So seems like another failure, whats bothering me the most is that I was able to relate to both these girls, same interests and similar outlook on things. So now that I seemed to have faiiled not once but twice with girls like that I mean it hurts and I am again left wondering what the heck to do. I have my face on more dating sites then I can count and I do go out with friends have been for years. But for the love of god I am 28 the oldest of my group of friends and I have nothing we went out for new years and everyone except me had a girlfriend and with everything that happened today I can't stop feeling like crap. I want to give up call this a total loss , seems like I've tried everything and nothing is working. The only girl who has so far given me any signs of actual interest was the one who was cheating on her boyfriend. What am I supposed to do only look for girls who are cheating or do I need to figure out how to make it work with someone who has nothing in common with me and just wants someone that they can treat like crap. I am just getting sick of fighting this and I don't want to keep feeling the way I feel right now anymore. I can't get anywhere and its like I don't even know why I wake up every morning its seems like such a waste since I just feel like crap no matter what.

One rarely finds the deepest of what his heart desires when he aims to seek it to the extent of madness.

You should never feel like you are not worthy enough to be someone first choice when considering a relationship. I am 31 years old and have never been in a serious relationship. I ask myself daily why women are not physically attracted to me and have yet to come up with an answer. So hang in there, it will happen.