Relationships and Marriage Forum - What Do I Do When Man Goes Into His 'cave'

Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum > What Do I Do When Man Goes Into His 'cave'

Q: What Do I Do When Man Goes Into His 'cave'

asked by: The Ginger 1 on September 21st, 2007

Moderator

I've been married 2 years, we've been living together for nearly 7 years, and we started out like a whirlwind, he moved in with me after 2 months ...
Some may say we may be going thru a '7 year itch' but my hubby, who I love unconditionally, and I am so in love with, was having doubts about 'us' ...
I think he's going into a 'cave' as stated in " Men are from Mars ... Women are from Venus" and I think he's wanting some space. I'm afraid that if I let him into his cave, he won't come out again .. what do you guys think I should do ?
He says I've done nothing wrong, that life has gone a bit stale, although we have an 'adventerious' sex life.
He works hard, sometimes upto 12-15 hour days, I know when he gets home, all he wants is a bath, his dinner and sleep. Which I think is taking it's toll on our marraige. Is he working too hard? needs space, his own time, and he's just taking it out on me? I dunno what to think, I'm all confused.
If anyone has any positive answers, or suggestions, please could you reply ...Thanks

Replies(5)

wazzywoman4ever

replied on September 22nd, 2007

Experienced User

You Seem to Have It

you have this thought out pretty darn good already .....my money is on communication keep it open he is working through a thing and I don't think you should take it so personal it may have nothing to do with you and by virtue of how close you two are your gonna get some of it on you ..try reading this book ....THE FIVE LANGUAGES OF LOVE By Gary Chapman it might be the answer to your confusion ...keep up the good work ....wazzywoman /robin

The Ginger 1

replied on September 24th, 2007

Moderator

Thanks robin ...
it all came to blows on Saturday, we talked, things got heated, hurtful words were used, but then, any negitive emotions, can be turned into positive action.... after the storm came the calm, and we both agreed to work things out .... he no longer needs his cave to hide in, and I'm no longer confused and emotional.
My Hubby lost his Dad when he was young, so he doesn't really have a father figure to turn to when sons need to talk things out.... as Mike is close to my Dad, he asked him out for a beer, my Dad listened and advised Mike as he would his own son. My Dad is impartial, so, he wouldn't pick sides, he'd just say it as it is.
Things are so much better now, and we've gone back to being the mad-ass 'lovers' we've always been. I understand why he was distant now, although I heard what he was saying, it bloody hurt to hear the one you love point out the negitive side of yourself, however, I turned this into postive action, and now we are working on being a better couple.
Ginger

Mabel

replied on September 24th, 2007

Moderator

I'm glad this was resolved quickly. Good luck.

The Ginger 1

replied on September 24th, 2007

Moderator

I suppose we're lucky to have family to help ..... I did surprise him tonight tho ... being our
2nd anniversay an all !! I shot both barrels of my love !! Sparked the poor man off his feet. Wink

The Ginger 1

replied on October 7th, 2007

Moderator

Hi again ...
It worked .... good communication, a good blow out of all the things that p***ed us off ... and we had a good laugh about them too ....
We have our 'own' time apart now, and it's keeping us together .. and we are back to being the Mad-ass lovers again ....
Thanks

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