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Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum > I Have a Friend That Left Her Husband Because He Was Mean
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Q: I Have a Friend That Left Her Husband Because He Was Mean
asked by: movingzachb on September 18th, 2007
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I have a friend that left her husband because he was mean and had low self esteem. She is a long lost high school crush that I ran into on the Internet and have since been trying to build a friendship with.

I never picked up on it right away when she said she had left him because he was mean that it meant he was probably abusive.

She was married to him for 5 years. She told me that she isn't herself and that she has been spending lots of time with her family and is still consumed with problems.

She said she was still in love with someone, she would not say who. I think it is her past husband. I have read that in many cases a woman can still feel love for a mean abusive husband even year and years after the separation. Is this true?

If anyone can help me out here on that my second question is. What can I do as her friend to help her. I tell her she is a strong person. I literally say I am rooting for you, but she hasn't ever really told me exactly what the problem is.

I am almost certain that I am right. I am just trying to take it easy and tell her she can trust me. I guess I just really REALLY care about her. She is the most beautiful girl and she is very intelligent. It is hard to believe that she would make such a bad decision in picking a husband if this is the case. But how could any man dare to hurt such a wonderful woman.
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whitetiger22
replied on January 21st, 2008
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I know this is late in posting. Take it from me. The only thing u can do is be there for her. Let her open up to you and when she does just be there for her. All she needs is friends to be there for her. It will help her out in the long run. I to am from an abusive relationship and i have some friends that knows everything and been there for me that it was 6 months after leaving my husband that i finaly opened up about me feelings. It will take time. I just finaly got my divroced finalized the 14th of dec of 2007.

Like i saw just be there for her.
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freedom1960
replied on May 20th, 2009
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My advise to you
I just left a very mentally abusive eleven year relationship. I dated him for five years and we then got engaged. For the next six years remained engaged but no date was ever set because he came up with many excuses not to. In my personal opinion mental abuse does more damage than physical abuse. The scars I believe are more deep. The best advise I can give to you is to just be there for her. Let her know that you are there as a friend. If she needs you to just listen to her deal with the pain and healing through a very difficult period in her life would be the best medicine for her. Right now she does not trust men. Do not take this personally!!! It is just the damage done in the relationship. Give her space and time to regain her self worth that she was stripped of. Be patient. To tell her that she is the most loving and beautiful woman in the world is wonderful on your part. Does she believe it? Probably not. She needs time to heal and gain back the self worth she lost in this most dysfunctional relationship. No pressures. I am only telling you this because I am going thru it right now and dealing with it without a friend such as you. Each day I go thru different emotions. I have just accepted to take it "one day at a time". I hope I have helped in some way for you. Good luck and I wish for you and your friend much happiness in the future.
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ServiceU
replied on May 20th, 2009
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i agree with freedom1960
mental abuse is so much worse. there are no visible scars, but there are emotional scares that could last a very long time.
she may need time to heal, might not trust men.
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ldjm
replied on July 21st, 2009
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she feels bad she chose the wrong husband, and may not believe in remarriage. I am in the same situation. I wish I could remarry, but I have young children, and my religion tells me I can't.

I sadly know the man I should have married.
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