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Bestfriend Or Girlfriend

ive been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year and a half. i just left for college and she is a senior in high school so we are dealing with the distance thing but doing well. over the time we have been together she has had a problem with on of my bestfriends in particular. the bestfriend is another girl who i used to like and she used to like me, but we never got together. we used to hang out maybe every other week and worked together but all last winter i didnt see her because i knew it made my girlfriend unhappy. this past summer we hung out a few times but my girlfriend was okay with it because she trusted me at that point. capped off the summer by drinking at the bestfriends house with another buddy (a guy) and ended up sleeping over. nothing at all happened (acually the girl and guy ended up making out) but nothing with me. my girlfriend flipped out which i eventually understood. we fixed everything but she now hated my bestfriend (other girl). now that i am at college the bestfriend wants to come visit me (she is also in college but a different one then me). she even offered to pick my girlfriend up on the way and bring her. however my girlfriend flipped out upon heading the girl was going to visit me. she basically made me choose between her or the other girl. i love my girlfriend and said i would not see the other girl anymore. is that really the right decision? we have been friends for probably about 3 years now. i feel really horrible about it but i cant give up my girlfriend. how do i even tell the girl that? i mean she is my bestfriend besides my girlfriend. im very confused and feel horrible and just dont know what i should do.
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replied September 18th, 2007
anything?
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replied September 19th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
okay you bring up an interesting situation..and I can see that you seem to be a nice guy..

well well your gf should have nothing to worry about but I can understand her a little and you know just be patient with her..imagine the vice versa that you have to see the best friend of your gf comming over to hang out with her. And then think this best friend is a young attractive looking guy who is single. It's okay but you know it's kinda you will feel a little uncomfortable don't you think?

I really can't tell how to best handle this situation. But I will tell you that it would get better if your best friend has a bf and then you four hang out together. That way she for sure won't see her as a threath. So see if you can find your best friend a man. hehe
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replied September 19th, 2007
haha welllll... firstly i dont hang out with my bestfriend alone... i always made sure i was with someone that me and my girlfriend were both friends with. since ive been with my gf i have never hung out with the other girl alone. and the get my bestfriend a boyfriend thing.... hah i actually tried that. i tried to hook her up with one of the guys i would bring with me that me and my gf both know but it didnt work out. well it did but not very long. so my gf knows ive tried and knows i always have someone else with us and stuff. and this has been going on for well over a year now. seems like its time to let it go... no?
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replied September 22nd, 2007
Do you really want to spend life with a person that doesn't trust you??? Have you or will you do anything with this other person? Lack of trust is a huge deal breaker imho...At least for me I can say with absolute certainty that I will never cheat on anyone...If im in a committed relationship other women don't exist in that way...If a gf cant accept that and wants to be jealous she can be jealous by herself... Shocked
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replied September 28th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I know exactly how you feel. I have been in the same situation but vice versa. I have a male best friend and my boyfriend had a big problem. I have know my guy best friend since we were 10. So its been over ten years. We never liked each other or never dated. Just friends. we'd hang out and go to the mall or out to eat. Some guys I dated didnt like it but I didnt care he was my friend. But that changed once I got into a serious committed relationship. There are boundaries that you have to have when you are committed to someone. Like not going out together alone and not hiding your friendship with you girl/guy. Also when going out with your friend include your significant other.

But you have done all of this. You have given your girlfriend all the respect that she needs and deserves. It sounds like she needs to trust you more. She needs to know that shes not in danger of losing you. But theres only so much you can do, she has to be the one to accept this.
I dont think its fair for you to lose such a good friend, I didnt give up my friend and my hubby finally realized that he was wrong and that he had nothing to worry about.

Good Luck
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replied October 10th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
I wholly agree with Jeaston. Especially if you are considering a friendship that has lasted for a long time vs a recent (compared to the friendship) relationship. One logical reasoning is that since a couple, liking/loving each other and all, would often find each other more important then even their long time friends. So lets say since you care about your girl so much, you decided to sacrifice your friends. But friends are there for you when the girlfriend cannot. There is no guarantee that you and your girlfriend will be together forever. Thus, if unfortunately that were too happen, and you come back into the single life, but you lost all your lady friends for the sake of this relationship, then you have nobody. I know a lot of people who have made that "mistake" (quotations because some people would disagree), but I don't think anything would feel more lonely or guilty at that point then losing your girl, and finding out you ditched out on your friends for her sake.

I don't think anybody is worth keeping if they can't trust you, friend or girlfriend. I would not be so dishonorable to suddenly decide to forget and ditch those who have been with me through thick and thin, whom I've shared memories with, just for the sake of even my would be girlfriend's jealousy.

Sorry if I seem kind of angry here, I have lost many so called friends and felt utterly used and left back just so that they can continue on their little relationship in the past. Many of them broke up too, only I refused to not be around like a lap dog to comfort them when they are on the rebound.

Gl with your decision sir. Hope things turn out for the best.
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replied February 5th, 2013
i have a boyfriend. its also like you that has a female bestfriend . Same as your girlfriend i also hated my boyfriend female bestfriend because before they have something like feelings for each other but they choose to stay their friendship. The worst thing is my boyfriend didnt tell me between him and his female bestfriend before but all of he's past relationship he'd tell me about it. As everyone said Girls has woman instinct i found them so very sweet and im so jealous about that ! so i talked to the boyfriend of her female bestfriend .. and we found out that before they have feelings for each other . The boyfriend of her female bestfriend broke up with her. But me i didnt broke up with My boyfriend cause i love him so much i realized that before when he's infatuated with her female bestfriend we havent met that time. but now its still an issue to our relationship and i dont where will i get used to it.. :/
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