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Q: Drinking Has Ended My Relationship... Is This Fair?
asked by:
BullZye
Experienced User
My girlfriend first told me she doesn't care if I drink. She has had a rough past with alcohol because her uncle passed away due to it. She looked at our relationship from a long term point of view and thought, if we were going to be married, she wouldn't be able to put up with my drinking, even though its not alcoholism. I used to do a lot of drugs from weed to pills to cocaine, but I quit those for her as soon as we got together.
Just yesterday she told me its not going to work out. I can't even believe it. We love each other to death and we have chemistry, we just work together so well. I treat her so damn good, like a queen or something. I never look at other girls or compare her, i'm always there for her, I never lie to her, she tells me I make her feel so good about herself, i'm faithful, honest, etc. Its just this one problem I have which is i'm a drinker and because of it, she says its not going to work out because she can't see herself with a drinker.
Is this fair? I don't understand... She has had a bad experience with alcohol but hasn't pretty much everyone known someone with a bad experience like losing someone to alcohol? I really do love her, but I feel I cant quit drinking. Not for myself or my family, so not even her but I still love her like crazy. I don't want to quit drinking either because I don't feel the need to, shouldn't she just accept me for who I am? I am such a good person, I feel I have more heart than most men do, and I treat her so good at the same time. Should she be able to just look past all my good qualities and say end it because one simple thing: I drink?
Right now we're just considering each other friends... As much as I want to be with her as a boyfriend and potential husband, I can't believe its over. We haven't talked this over properly yet but I don't know, I don't see us coming back together no matter how much we love each other.
I left her some messages and said I can't even consider her a friend. She basically lied to me this whole time and now that I got attached to her and loved her, she tells me she can't put up with my drinking even though she said it wasn't a problem.
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Replies(20)
silverbullet52
New User
| BullZye wrote: |
| Okay, I am not an alcoholic first of all but I drink more than on occasions. When I do drink, I enjoy getting drunk but I am still in control. I never hurt or abuse anyone while drunk. I may drink more than the average person though in terms of quantity or more often. I even drink alone sometimes.
My girlfriend first told me she doesn't care if I drink. She has had a rough past with alcohol because her uncle passed away due to it. She looked at our relationship from a long term point of view and thought, if we were going to be married, she wouldn't be able to put up with my drinking, even though its not alcoholism. I used to do a lot of drugs from weed to pills to cocaine, but I quit those for her as soon as we got together. Just yesterday she told me its not going to work out. I can't even believe it. We love each other to death and we have chemistry, we just work together so well. I treat her so bless good, like a queen or something. I never look at other girls or compare her, i'm always there for her, I never lie to her, she tells me I make her feel so good about herself, i'm faithful, honest, etc. Its just this one problem I have which is i'm a drinker and because of it, she says its not going to work out because she can't see herself with a drinker. Is this fair? I don't understand... She has had a bad experience with alcohol but hasn't pretty much everyone known someone with a bad experience like losing someone to alcohol? I really do love her, but I feel I cant quit drinking. Not for myself or my family, so not even her but I still love her like crazy. I don't want to quit drinking either because I don't feel the need to, shouldn't she just accept me for who I am? I am such a good person, I feel I have more heart than most men do, and I treat her so good at the same time. Should she be able to just look past all my good qualities and say end it because one simple thing: I drink? Right now we're just considering each other friends... As much as I want to be with her as a boyfriend and potential husband, I can't believe its over. We haven't talked this over properly yet but I don't know, I don't see us coming back together no matter how much we love each other.
I left her some messages and said I can't even consider her a friend. She basically lied to me this whole time and now that I got attached to her and loved her, she tells me she can't put up with my drinking even though she said it wasn't a problem. |
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everyday_struggle
Experienced User
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BullZye
Experienced User
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everyday_struggle
Experienced User
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BullZye
Experienced User
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chickenp005
New User
I am sorry for the break up.
Women are very complicated.. I know because well.... i am one..and we admit it...
My first question is how many days per week would you say you drink?
if it is more than 3 or 4 days a week than i would consider it a problem.
My 2nd question is how long have you been together?
She might have not broken up with you specifically for the drinking.
Women will target in on a reason which seems the best reason for a breakup.
My mother is a heavy drinker and my boyfriend drinks about 2 days out of a week. that does not in anyway make me want to break up with him. It just might be you.
Women are very complicated.. I know because well.... i am one..and we admit it...
My first question is how many days per week would you say you drink?
if it is more than 3 or 4 days a week than i would consider it a problem.
My 2nd question is how long have you been together?
She might have not broken up with you specifically for the drinking.
Women will target in on a reason which seems the best reason for a breakup.
My mother is a heavy drinker and my boyfriend drinks about 2 days out of a week. that does not in anyway make me want to break up with him. It just might be you.
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BullZye
Experienced User
| chickenpoos wrote: |
| I am sorry for the break up.
Women are very complicated.. I know because well.... i am one..and we admit it... My first question is how many days per week would you say you drink? if it is more than 3 or 4 days a week than i would consider it a problem. My 2nd question is how long have you been together? She might have not broken up with you specifically for the drinking. Women will target in on a reason which seems the best reason for a breakup. My mother is a heavy drinker and my boyfriend drinks about 2 days out of a week. that does not in anyway make me want to break up with him. It just might be you. |
I drink about once or twice a week.
Well, we've been together about 5 months now but we knew each other before we started dating. She was in love with me even before, but I messed things up and ruined our relationship but we were young and I was dumb and immature so she gave me a second chance now. Shes VERY faithful, the fact that shes loved me for 2 years now even though we haven't been together. She always tells me how much she needs me and can't go on without me.
When she told me she can't be with me she was heavily in tears and told me how hard it is for her to say it.
I have sent her some emails and text messages but no replies at all, maybe she needs some space? I guess i'll have to wait until she is ready to talk to me...
Well, all i'm wondering is, she comes from a broken family and doesn't have anyone that truly loves her. Her parents do love her, but put her down all the time. Her mom is abusive, and her dad is always comparing her to her brother.
I'm always there for her when she needs someone and i've never let her down once. I've walked away from friends while hanging out because shes called feeling down and needed to talk.
She always tells me she needs me and can never leave me... So I just don't understand how my drinking can overshadow everything else positive I do compared to this one negative aspect of myself.
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chickenp005
New User
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BullZye
Experienced User
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meblonde01
Extremely eHealthy
| BullZye wrote: |
| Okay, I am not an alcoholic first of all but I drink more than on occasions. When I do drink, I enjoy getting drunk but I am still in control. I never hurt or abuse anyone while drunk. I may drink more than the average person though in terms of quantity or more often. I even drink alone sometimes.
My girlfriend first told me she doesn't care if I drink. She has had a rough past with alcohol because her uncle passed away due to it. She looked at our relationship from a long term point of view and thought, if we were going to be married, she wouldn't be able to put up with my drinking, even though its not alcoholism. I used to do a lot of drugs from weed to pills to cocaine, but I quit those for her as soon as we got together. Just yesterday she told me its not going to work out. I can't even believe it. We love each other to death and we have chemistry, we just work together so well. I treat her so bless good, like a queen or something. I never look at other girls or compare her, i'm always there for her, I never lie to her, she tells me I make her feel so good about herself, i'm faithful, honest, etc. Its just this one problem I have which is i'm a drinker and because of it, she says its not going to work out because she can't see herself with a drinker. Is this fair? I don't understand... She has had a bad experience with alcohol but hasn't pretty much everyone known someone with a bad experience like losing someone to alcohol? I really do love her, but I feel I cant quit drinking. Not for myself or my family, so not even her but I still love her like crazy. I don't want to quit drinking either because I don't feel the need to, shouldn't she just accept me for who I am? I am such a good person, I feel I have more heart than most men do, and I treat her so good at the same time. Should she be able to just look past all my good qualities and say end it because one simple thing: I drink? Right now we're just considering each other friends... As much as I want to be with her as a boyfriend and potential husband, I can't believe its over. We haven't talked this over properly yet but I don't know, I don't see us coming back together no matter how much we love each other.
I left her some messages and said I can't even consider her a friend. She basically lied to me this whole time and now that I got attached to her and loved her, she tells me she can't put up with my drinking even though she said it wasn't a problem. |
How much and how often are you drinking?
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BullZye
Experienced User
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sillyakchick
Extremely eHealthy
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BullZye
Experienced User
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BullZye
Experienced User
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chickenp005
New User
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BullZye
Experienced User
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DPantelones
Experienced User
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BullZye
Experienced User
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