Are (any Of) These Common Psychosis/sz Delusions ? Posted: 09-16-07 07:01am
Hello, recovered from psychosis 1.5 years
ago, didn't really get a diagnosis but
went through 6 months of...well, the usual
I suppose. As I was never allowed to
discuss my illness with other patients at
the clinic, I've been looking for a forum
like this just to sort of ask and hear
other people's experiences. I am just
curious and I'll post some delusions I had
or general feelings/surreal senses. I
don't know if this is the right forum but
I couldn't find anywhere else..
-Having ability to look into one's soul,
temporarily. The soul of a good person
would look like a golden core with many
rays of light, I don't know what a
horrible person would be but supposedly
red like a devil.
-Having ability to tell truth from lies;
having a "second sight", "double vision"
where you for instance could see a happy
face which was what everyone would
perceive, but a sad face 'beneath it',
this would mean the person was insincere
about his feelings. I could for about a
week use this ability to try convince
anybody of something by telling them a
story, and adjusting the story when it
would look like they didn't believe you.
This actually made me thing I had dictator
abilities, like Hitler might have had.
This ability appeared very real.
-Being able to draw people to you or away
from you using will of mind, and this
isn't necessarily something you can
control the way you like.
-Being able to "hurt" people by using
something toxic to yourself, like actually
attacking someone by smoking a cigarette,
this will impact other cigarette smokers
only and all of them whether you want to
or not. Their physical pain, if any, is
only temporary. You can also attack
someone's mind by becoming enraged without
having contact.
-Weather changes according to your mood or
how "clear" your head is.
-Natural disasters on the news aswell as
humanly caused accidents are normally wars
between God and Satan, or good and evil in
general.
-Everything you see, hear and experience
is easily interpreted as having something
to do with you directly or indirectly.
Everything is connected and nothing is
random.
Now to my more personal delusions, these
all happened the same day which led to
immediate trip to psychiatric hospital
(thanks to my caring brother)
-I solved a gigantic puzzle of little
pieces about everything I had experienced
in life. This led to a solution about
origin of religion in general and
discovering my own family as part of an
ancient systematic mental manipulation
technique that subconsiously went through
generations, well this is too complex to
explain anyway so forget about it Another version was
breeding according to Darwin theories yet
from ancient times. It's simply "The way
to create a more intelligent human
intellect": You start having as many
children as you can, abusing all of your
children mentally and physically to the
most extreme extent possible (note this
means working and slavery, beating them,
not necessarily sexual abuse yet probably
that too). They either die of fatigue,
turn 'insane' or commit suicide. The
survivors are best suited for further
evolution so you pass the techniques on to
the next generation (you do teach them
this is the CORRECT way to discipline
children), eventually creating
super-humans through effective evolution.
-Vision of Jesus Christ before temporarily
turning into god, having several
personality changes constantly.
-After about a month deep, I was POSITIVE
I was the Messiah, second coming of
Christ. Very embarrasing especially being
an atheist before experiencing psychosis.
I could heal and interact with God, also
the biblical happenings seemed to reoccur,
history repeated itself chronologically. I
had super human abilities.
-Yeah I was also the devil ofcourse.
06.06.06 would certainly be something with
the book of revelations and probably the
end of the world. Actually, the book of
revelations was going on through my whole
disturbing period.
-We reincarnate, everything that has
happens has happened before (explains deja
vus). This means we live our lives making
mistakes and the wrong choices. We do not
go to heaven because we live sinful lives.
Instead, we get a second third and
thousandth chance being reborn again
living the same life going through the
same pain. We always seem to forget or be
ignorant about or choices, so ultimately
we are doomed to repetition until some
time we make it...
-People as we see them consist of angels,
demons, normal humans and erm...living
dead.
I hope that wasn't too uninteresting or
much I should have written everything down
long ago. I hope you can give some
feedback on what you think is weird etc. I
have a hard time finding threads where
people explain and tell about their views
or delusions and experiences so I did one
myself. Thanks in advance I'm on no meds and
doing fine now btw. Edit: if for some
reason someone should think so, I hope I
don't offend anyone and this isn't any
kind of brag post. I have been healthy now
but forgive me I am new to this forum and
might not know what I'm doing.
|
Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
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Posted: 09-16-07 10:05am
Religious delusions are common with
schizophrenia, but you'll find all sorts
of stuff. Yours are not extraordinary by
any means.
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Stan
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Posted: 09-16-07 10:07am
Those all sound like classic delusions. I
highly recommend looking into a healthy
diet to supplement your progressive
treatment, though it's great if you can
manage just fine without medicine, that's
an excellent sign obviously. A healthy
diet has been found to increase the
healing of schizophrenics significantly.
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TheMasterPlan
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Sep 2007 Posts: 3
Posted: 09-16-07 21:16pm
Thanks for replies guys. It helps.
There hasn't been big problems.
Occasionally like maybe 3 times the past
year, I've gotten a feeling of fear of
slipping into a psychotic condition again,
like your head starts to .. it feels like
it's about to "clear up"... that dopamine
feeling or whatever it is. It scares me.
What I really had problems with while
having religious delusions was that I had
not been religious at all prior to the
breakdown, I was atheist and only from a
normally christian family. Having
hallucinations/visions of religious things
then seemed only like a clear indication
that "something was out there", that God
existed etc so it became perhaps weirder
than if I was already a believer.
I'm off meds and I was always against
taking medication while ill. What seemed
to have triggered my psychosis was
cannabis abuse. I know however I have easy
tendencies to become depressed and
slightly anti-social, which is what
worries me and I think is more dangerous
than "not taking medication". I have a
hard time "wanting" to make new friends,
aswell as difficulties having fun, or
things that used to be fun just aren't
anymore. I'm 23 years old and university
student at the moment. Life doesn't feel
worth living (not in a suicidal way but in
general), it's difficult to look at bright
futures. My weight has increased
significantly since recovering, and I feel
my movement is slower than it used to be,
that my speech is more dull and that I'm
slightly less intellectual and slower
thought process. Can these be damages of
either the psychosis itself or medication
?
Thanks.
|
Stan
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Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 1696 Location: ,
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Posted: 09-16-07 21:40pm
Hmmm, could be the medication, but then
again you're not on it anymore. Did they
test you for any metabolic problems?
Blood sugar disorders, as in my case, are
a common cause or problem that makes
schizophrenia worse. I myself, before
they discovered the sugar issue, would
occasionally get the religious thoughts,
I'm not sure why, I suppose it's a way for
the body to deal with the anxiety of the
problems by appealing to a higher power.
When many schizophrenics get bad they turn
to this, and in fact on most, if not all,
contact forms for dealing with the
mentally ill, 'religious preoccupation' is
one of the listed symptoms.
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
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Posted: 09-17-07 10:14am
TheMasterPlan
wrote:
I had not been religious at
all prior to the breakdown, I was atheist
and only from a normally christian family.
Having hallucinations/visions of religious
things then seemed only like a clear
indication that "something was out there",
that God existed etc so it became perhaps
weirder than if I was already a
believer.
I was a Christian as a young adult but
then had a falling out and after a period
of not thinking about religion at all I
went somewhat into Buddhism. However, when
the psychosis came, some years later, it
was all Christian-based.
TheMasterPlan
wrote:
My weight has increased
significantly since recovering, and I feel
my movement is slower than it used to be,
that my speech is more dull and that I'm
slightly less intellectual and slower
thought process. Can these be damages of
either the
psychosis...
I have the same symptoms, and it's the
psychosis that slows and dulls me down. It
burned right through my nervous system
(travelled through my spine and all the
nerve endings).
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TheMasterPlan
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Sep 2007 Posts: 3
Posted: 09-17-07 11:00am
I hope it fades in time for the both of
us. While the old me was nowhere near
perfect, atleast he was quicker, more full
of life and younger. Feels somewhat like
ageing 5 years or perhaps more. While in
institution, I met some people especially
a man in his 40s who had suffered numerous
psyochotic breakdowns and he had became
extremely slow in every way as a side
note, I suspect it is what you've been
through that does this to you yeah..
btw..
I've been requested to change my username;
"Your username has been reviewed and is
out of compliance with the user guidelines
set out in our website`s terms of use."
Yeah, ok it might sound evil or something
I don't know it's sort of random and from
a song title but anyway. Hoping to stay in
this forum from time to time. Looks like a
good place. Thanks for interest and
thoughts so far..
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jgrib
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Oct 2007 Posts: 2
Posted: 10-20-07 19:48pm
i have pyschosis and i've been looking for
somewhere i can tell of the things that
have happened to me.
ive had some religous stuff happen.
everything happened in cycles after
revelations than genesis restarted the
cycle. and all the storys would happen in
order. but they also skipped.
i was able to caclutate using patterns and
could solve any thing that i tried to
solve.
i was able to put together music patterns
and could hear the subliminal messages
that you dont normally hear when listening
to music. not all songs have messages, or
i wasnt able to figure those out
nature sychoronized and i could tell that
all birds actually work together and they
can send messages to us. the plants also
sychoronized, bugs sychoronized. the
clouds sychronized. i think i was just
able to notice patterns. and how my
thoughts could change some of the
patterns.
the weather seems to be in tune with me.
i am able to curse or bless people and
notice it right away.
everytime that i tried to convince myself
that jesus wasnt real, god would punish me
just to remind me that jesus is the real
deal.
everytime i smoke weed now i always see
bugs but than it turns out to be nothing
else.
every house is the same and the patterns
that bugs go through happen everywhere.
i figured out the patterns that
electricity go through, (notice how cords
always twist)
ive communicated with tree spirits.
im just recovering from psychosis, im on
the third medication for this. and i cant
smoke weed anymore which wass a huge part
of my life. i am going through some
depression now.
question for TheMasterPlan, when you were
cured of it were you able to smoke weed
again??
|
Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
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Posted: 10-23-07 12:26pm
Don't continue the drug use guys!! You
will never get better if you don't stay
off of the drugs. Drugs will just keep
your mind clouded and hallucinatory.
When you are experiencing psychosis
(related to schizophrenia or not)
medication will help. It will. If you
don't like the effects of the medication,
you can talk to your doctor about changing
the dose or the drug.
|
Dorgus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 19 Location: Dallas Metroplex, USA
Posted: 10-26-07 12:38pm
Mr. "TheMasterPlan", if I can call you
that, you seem to have some interesting
ideas as well as some delusions. I think
the advice Georgia has given you is good.
Taking medicine for psychosis will not
make you dumb -- but needing to take
medicine and not taking it can make you
incomprehensible.
|
SoNearSoFar
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Oct 2007 Posts: 1
Posted: 10-26-07 16:50pm
Thanks for replies in this thread. It's
good that you post opinions and advice. I
couldn't use 'TheMasterPlan' anymore, I
guess due to obvious reasons so I
registered a new nickname.
jgrib: I was a weed/hashish smoker yes and
actually it was during the first couple of
days of quitting it that I 'entered'
psychosis. After recovery, I smoked a
couple of times but after worrying a bit
of going back to the old habit I let it go
and I haven't smoked in a year now. It
didn't hurt me or hint "fallbacks" the
times I used though, but I remember my
doctor telling me that even sporadical use
wasn't a good idea although I do believe
they do not have enough knowledge of this
subject from a medical viewpoint as of
yet. If you want to smoke I hope you will
not do it daily atleast as I couldn't
imagine that being good but try to recover
fully without smoking. I do think I could
smoke now without much danger, but max
every 2 weeks on average to be safe.
During my stay at the clinique, a friend
about same age as me was smoking weed and
frequently having pretty drastic
hallucinations even blackouts or
"dreaming" something else, although he was
actually walking around and shopping for
instance or other activity, and he
wouldn't remember doing it afterwards,
this was very scary for him. I think you
should stay off weed and only use
medications that are suggested for you and
if you don't think they are any good, then
bring it up..
I also recognize a lot of your experience
the synchronization
as you say, I didn't think of it like
that, but there definitely were
connections. The world can become veeery
interesting during psychosis.. I hope you
find that the weed isn't as important or
"good" to you as you might think as time
passes and that you can have a nice life
without overusing. My problem was more
isolation and solitude and I used more and
more as it got worse, I think that is most
dangerous to "lock yourself in" and not
communicate or socialize etc. Good luck in
your recovery, I really hope you get well
Dorgus: Thank you. I haven't taken
medication for over a year now and it is
going fine. I'm fighting to improve my
morale aswell as motivation though which
is and has been a problem. I also think
more now that feeling slower than before
can perhaps simply feeling more
self-assure yet who knows.
|
Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 90
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Posted: 10-29-07 10:21am
Hey thanks SoNearSoFar- that was really
interesting to read, as well as some good
advice. Just wondering- do you have
schizophrenia or did you just experience
(or do you still experience) psychotic
episodes?
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melemel
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 15 Location: Gloucestershire, UK
Posted: 12-10-07 05:15am
hi 'masterplan'. I just wanted to let you
know - I've been through a very similar
experience as you, when i was 25.(im 35
now).
I dont even know why i started reading
these threads today - (usually if anything
im occasionally in the anxiety forum)
except that ive had a hard time lately and
have felt a little 'off' mentally. Ih ope
you don't mind if i tell you my
experiences - ive never put it into words
before...
My psychotic episode started whilst
travelling in India with my boyfriend. I'd
been smoking a lot of charis (very strong
hash) on the trip and also taking trips
and valium whilst in goa. I'd been in
india 3 months, had been very ill with
dysentary, was generally very run down and
thin and worn out.
I have never EVER spoken to anyone about
what happened to me, and the delusions i
was having, but they were all very similar
to yours. At one point i thought i was the
reincarnation of the virgin mary, that i
was in india to 'bless' the country (and
im not religious either). That i could
control the weather, read peoples minds,
was in contact with an alien intelligence
floating outside the earths atmosphere,
was seeing ghosts, was 'counting down' -
numbers were everything to me for some
reason. So many parallels with what you
experienced actually, though i won't go
into all of it here!
After a week of my 'counting down' the
delusions subsided a little. I told no-one
what was happening although i cant believe
my fellow travellers in the backpackers
hostel couldn't see something was up with
me. (However it was pretty normal to meet
'fruitloops' amongst backpackers in India
so i guess they didnt think anything of
it!)
When i got back to the UK, i did
everything at a million miles an hour,
getting a small horrible bedsit to move
into straight away, when i should have
stayed with my parents and seen a doctor.
I felt like i was
supercharged and was kind of euphoric,
though also very very freaked out. TV and
street signs, headline etc were all
meaningful to me, everything was
connected, and i 'understood' everything.
At one point i beleieved my mother was
evil and her life should end, and then i
got scared about that. I had a few
'psychic experiences too which were
corroborated. For instance, i got paranoid
about goign nto one of the shared toilets
in the corridor outside my flat. I was
convinced that it was eveil in there. A
neighbour told me later that a guy had
killed himself in there and smeared the
place with blood. Horrible, but how do you
explain that? !!
My boyfriend - looking back this is
unbelievable (esp. since i later married
him!) did nothing for me. I didnt tell him
much, except that i felt wierd, and
scared, and couldnt sleep.
Still without a doctors opinion, my
delusions slowly subsided into a general
anxiety and mild paranoia. I became
agrophobic and had panic attacks all the
time. i still had mild delusions but
usually about my health.
Eventually i saw a doctor, who said 2oh
its just adrenaline" and gave me beta
blockers! Needless to say, they didnt help
much. Eventually a different doctor gave
me prozac, which stopped the panic attacks
a little and enable me to start getting
stuck into self help books etc.
To this day ive never had a diagnosis or
treatment or therapy, but have worked it
all out for myself as best i can.
Now, years later, i am settled, with a
lovely son, a great partner (not the same
guy!) and i am fine. I suffered with panic
attacks and anxiety for probably 5 years
or so, but never another psychotic episode
like that. If i did i would get help
straight away..
As for the smoking thing. I didnt/wouldnt
smoke for years - i knew i wouldnt be able
to handle it. Now, sometimes, i might
smoke a little, and i have no problems.
But i KNOW it was responsible in a big way
for my breakdown, although i was
definitely pre-disposed to mental health
problems (as is my family as it turns
out..)
Good luck to you anyway, and im sorry if
my venting has bored/annoyed anyone.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
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Posted: 12-10-07 14:13pm
Welcome melemel-
That was interesting. Thanks for sharing
your experience! It is possible, though
not common, to have one standalone
psychotic episode or psychotic period,
especially if you are also experiencing an
affective disorder.
Sound like you are handling it well
though- if it happens again, get to a
doc!! In your future visits to a
psychiatrist (for the anxiety) I hope you
mention this to your doc. It would just be
a good thing for him/her to be aware of.
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
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Posted: 12-10-07 18:55pm
Yeah, I've heard of psychotic experiences
that never reappear again. I recently
talked to a friend of mine and she said
that as a child she was afraid that people
were reading her mind. I wonder if that
was a psychotic feature or just
imagination.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 90
Thanked:32
Posted: 12-10-07 21:44pm
Philo
wrote:
Yeah, I've heard of
psychotic experiences that never reappear
again. I recently talked to a friend of
mine and she said that as a child she was
afraid that people were reading her mind.
I wonder if that was a psychotic feature
or just
imagination.
Ooh- that would be scary to deal with as a
child.
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melemel
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 15 Location: Gloucestershire, UK
Posted: 12-11-07 06:56am
Georgia59
wrote:
It is possible, though not
common, to have one standalone psychotic
episode or psychotic period, especially if
you are also experiencing an affective
disorder.
Yes, i believe so. Also i have a cousin
with bad bipolar, my sister (who has
learning difficulties) had a psychotic
episode 2 years ago, but got treated, my
auntie was either schizophrenic or
bipolar, and also agrophobic with anxiety.
What a mixture! I must admit it makes me
concerned for my son.
However, wierdly, all this can have its
plus side too.. The same things that make
people this way and inclined towards
mental health problems can also make them
imaginative, sensitive and artistic.. And
besides experience so much more than the
average persons life experience. I hope im
not diminishing anyones problems here, i
know i this happened to me just the once
,i can only imagine how hard it must be to
live with full blown schrizophrenia, and i
have the utmost admiration for peoples
courage and perserverence in managing it.
Another version was
breeding according to Darwin theories yet
from ancient times. It's simply "The way
to create a more intelligent human
intellect": You start having as many
children as you can, abusing all of your
children mentally and physically to the
most extreme extent possible (note this
means working and slavery, beating them,
not necessarily sexual abuse yet probably
that too). They either die of fatigue,
turn 'insane' or commit suicide. The
survivors are best suited for further
evolution so you pass the techniques on to
the next generation (you do teach them
this is the CORRECT way to discipline
children), eventually creating
super-humans through effective evolution.
