this is a little long but its crazy. me and my girlfriend have been dating of sept 23 06 so weâre almost a year. Everybody has their ups and downs nothing is perfect.
So, I have problems with my family, and I tried reaching out to my girlfriend for support. It caused a lot of anger in me and confusion. At some points I would tell her I was confused about us, when really I was just repressing my feelings from my family situation onto my relationship, which was giving me mixed feelings.
A while back in august a little issue happened with her family where I got really angry and flipped out on them. I didnât want to come back to the house after that because I thought they would hate me. So I tried pretending I was okay when I wasnât.
I could tell it really bugged her but she said she understood and she let me take my time coming back to the house. So everything was going fine she would text me every morning when she woke up.
Eg.) âaw your such a sweet heart Iâm so in love with my amazing man whos gonna take care of me forever, and Iâm going to back him up till the very endâ aug 20th
She left me a really sweet comment on a site, and it said Iâm so happy youre not afraid of the big picture and how I make her who she is on September 5th.
That same day she had me write out our 1 year anniversary in her new agenda book.
September 6th I apologized to her family for what happened earlier. But I still felt like they didnât like me so I told her that I was so unsure of what I wanted. And she pretty much told me not to rethink us because there was nothing wrong with us. But obviously I still knew I wanted to be with her. Sept 7 I was really tired from university and wanted to go to sleep so I told her we can just talk on the computer. But she insisted and pretty much dragged me out of the house to come be with her. Sept 8, she cooked for me we watched a movie everything was great, she was on her monthly time so we didnât go all the way but she wanted to on the next day. She was planning out our Halloween costumes. Sept9 I had a date planned for her, since family has been confusing to me and I have been a wreck I was so excited. But she had to cancel on me because her grandma was going to take her shopping. I got mad because I was offended cause she could have went another time. And she was the one telling me she misses how I do sweet things for her. I got mad and I left my cell phone, and while I was gone she was telling me how she didnât want to break up and that I should stop ignoring her cause she thought I was. And then I got into a huge fight with my dad, and said some things I didnât mean to her, and then she didnât want me back at all. That night she told me she was confused and that she didnât know what she wanted, I asked her if she still felt everything for me, and she said yes. I asked her what the promise ring meant to her and she said a lot. I tried to take it off her but she wouldnât let me. I asked her if she wanted to go back to her ex, she didnât know. She pretty much didnât know anything that night. I asked her if she still wanted to iron my shirts(inside joke) and she nodded her head and was crying. I asked her if we could go on a break instead she said yeah because she doesnât want to lose me.
So the next day the 10th she broke up with me, and I tried to get her back but she told me shes done with it. Yet she was still wearing my ring. The next day she told me she was dead serious and yet she was still wearing my ring. She told me our 1 year means nothing to her. And that shes moving on. When I asked her if she loves me now she says I donât know, and if she ever did love me she says I donât know. She was always talking about the future she couldnât even leave me alone for a day. She has never experienced a long relationship before, and she thinks that love stays the same forever but it evolves into a person who is your bestfriend who you would do anything for, and she told me it was like that but not anymore. She told me she was confused and that she needs time. But yet she said she was over me yet she canât give me an answer if we will be together or not. I am so confused she is sending me mixed signals from before the breakup till now. She says she is completely over me..in less than 4 days of breaking up. What the hell is going on here? is she running scared? she is acting so immature she doesnt even want to talk. do you think she will regret?
DAMN thats a lot of info to take in. It sounds a lot like something i did to an ex of mine. We were together for over 2 years, i had the promise ring, we were together ALL the time, we had our ups and downs (but so does every relationship). I went to break up with him because i was so unsure if what i was feeling was true. But he wanted a break instead, so yes thats what we did. A few days after that i told him that i couldn't do the whole break thing because he still wanted to talk everyday and hangout once in awhile. I just needed time to think and be by myself...to see what it was like a few days with out him. Did i miss him? Was i fine without him? That kinda thing! And turns out after about a week i couldn't take it anymore...i wanted to be with him. So i actually tried going back to him and he decided that he had already moved on to someone else. Wether that was to ease the pain of us not being together or cause he truly got over us that fast, i still don't know. But with the promise ring...i wanted to give it back to him soooo bad but i couldn't let go of it. It was the only thing that i had, besides some pictures and stuffed animals that he had givin' me, but the only thing that REALLY REALLY ment something. Needless to say i wore it for the next year, i was in such rough shape because i expected him to want me back. He's always been the kinda guy that if we got into a fight he wanted to solve it right now cause he couldn't stand it, he wanted to tell me EVERYTHING that he was doing and when he was doing it. He wanted to talk EVERY hour, be with eachother EVERY day/night. So i didn't expect for him to not want me back...it really was divistating for me. The next year or so i still had the ring on until i me the guy that i was with now and off it came!
But back to your situation/problem here:
I think its very similar to mine, she may just be confused right now and want some time to think it out, hense why she isn't talking to you. She just wants to see what its like without you, if she truly needs you? But then again it could be the opposite. You never know this is just what i think! As for the mixed feelings, that could also be from her not being able to figure out what she wants. (sometimes us girls get like that, but then so do guys) I say just give it a few days, a couple weeks, see what happens. She could just be afraid, like you had asked, and is afraid to give someone her whole heart, commit to you for the rest of her life (since you said that she hasn't been in a long relatioship before). I think you should just her space and time let her think, then wait for her to come back. If she comes back to you don't rush anything maybe just talk on the phone for a bit, then hangout, just so that she doesn't feel like she should run, if thats what it was in the first place! But i hope some of this has helped you! Lemme know if you have any more questions comments. You can PM if you would like also, our situations are a lot of like so far, but no guarantee about the ending, and for your sake i hope its not the same ending. GOOD LUCK HUN!
Holy crap you people must have flying fingers!!! I proabably won't be able to give you some awesome yoda type advise but here it goes.
Yes, I agree maybe she wants' to have some time to see if she can live without you. I would proabably be the same way. But if she's ready to give everything up that you guys had after a year then it couldn't have been very serious to her, right?
Give it some time. If you really love her and care about her, be willing to talk to her. Talking is the key that opens doors to everything. it ends wars, stops rapes yadayadayada. (Don't quote me i'm joking!!!)
HOWEVER!!! (Yeah, I'm getting to it,) Don't act like a dip-!**@!. Excuse my language but if she's not willing to go on with it, give it up. trust me, i've been a stalker and yeah... it gets freaky after a while. not saying anything to you, of course i'm here for advice. but my friend, i hope everytihng goes well. i may sound like a person but i did the best i could.
LOVE YEAH AND HOPE IT ALL COMES OUT IN THE WASH!!!
I call that the "mind game". I don't really think its intentional for most of the girls, its just a result of their emotional shifts. I don't know if this is some stereotype and what not, but women are considerably more emotional then men, and it confuses them quite a lot. Say one thing, say the opposite the next, etc, and it drives us men crazy!!! The best thing I could tell you, is do not pressure her, send her an email or a text message or something she can listen to when she chooses (this way she is less pressured), and say what you need to say. Your apology for your outbursts etc, your questions about what she really feels, and end it telling her that she can take as long as she wants to think things through and you will wait for her answer. Don't write anything down thats going to cause more pain, more confusion like that inside joke about ironing shirts. She has to reach the right decision and she won't be able to if you bring up reminders of your love life together. Don't involve yourself in any way after that until she does or she will continue distancing herself from you.