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My Daughter Lies

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I have three daughter, they are all bright, pretty, and hard workers, except one. don't get me wrong,she is perfect when she is not lying. She tells so much I don't think she knows what is true and what isn't. She tells people really bad things about other people, she starts drama everyday. i love her but I really would like her to move out. I know that sound really bad, but her lies really hurt all of us. What can I do??? Please help Sad
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First Helper User Profile TMJWorld
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replied September 13th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
how old is she?
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replied September 13th, 2007
My Daughter Lies
She is 18
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replied September 13th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Re: My Daughter Lies
hapymard wrote:
She is 18
sounds like she has a self esteem problem and thats why she lies so much... that could be a big possibility
she should be seen by a counselor
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replied September 13th, 2007
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Re: My Daughter Lies
hapymard wrote:
I have three daughter, they are all bright, pretty, and hard workers, except one. don't get me wrong,she is perfect when she is not lying. She tells so much I don't think she knows what is true and what isn't. She tells people really bad things about other people, she starts drama everyday. i love her but I really would like her to move out. I know that sound really bad, but her lies really hurt all of us. What can I do??? Please help Sad


This worked for my nephew.... but he is only 10. 18 year olds (girls) are especially different.

He would lie ALL the time. About everything. What I did was set him up. I told him we would be going to Chuck E. Cheese or something fun like that. I got him very excited about it all day long. Then, around evening time, he asked when we'd be going. I said, "Sorry, I lied." "You see how that hurts people's feelings when you lie to them? How I made you feel is how you make people feel when you lie to them."
It worked.
Can't say it would work with an 18 year old though.
Maybe tell her you're taking her on a shopping spree at the end of the month or something.
I dunno, sounds like a stupid idea now that I read what I wrote, lol.
At least I could provide a laugh, if anything Laughing
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replied September 13th, 2007
Daughter Lies
Were so I start to look for help
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replied September 13th, 2007
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Well, being 18-she is an adult.
Maybe seek behavioral therapy or something.
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replied September 13th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Re: Daughter Lies
hapymard wrote:
Were so I start to look for help


call a few counselors who you could take her in to see
you need to find out why shes lying and whats causeing it

if it is a self esteem prob it could get worse down the road and go from lying to other things
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replied September 13th, 2007
Daughter Lies
thanks I'll try anything. I hope it works.
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replied September 14th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Hey
it may be that she gets a kind of joy out of lying. its a bad habit. I would tell her to move out and when she asks why tell her--you cant trust her. if she wants to lie, she should face the hard reality of life. counseling would be good. i, having taken behavioral management, would say to ignor her when she lies but that wouldnt work cause you cant tell and youd be ignoring her all the time. she is 18, that is old enough to have a job and have her own place. I wouldnt help her financially cause how could you tell if she really needed help or not if she is just gonna lie. I say let her face life the way it really is and to not put up with it any longer.
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replied September 25th, 2007
Daughter Lies
She is now seeing a doctor
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replied October 14th, 2007
Re: Hey
dyanmatteson wrote:
it may be that she gets a kind of joy out of lying. its a bad habit. I would tell her to move out and when she asks why tell her--you cant trust her. if she wants to lie, she should face the hard reality of life. counseling would be good. i, having taken behavioral management, would say to ignor her when she lies but that wouldnt work cause you cant tell and youd be ignoring her all the time. she is 18, that is old enough to have a job and have her own place. I wouldnt help her financially cause how could you tell if she really needed help or not if she is just gonna lie. I say let her face life the way it really is and to not put up with it any longer.


Behavioral manipulation does little to change the internal state of a person.

Ignoring is a technique, not a concept. Techniques are not applicable to every situation.

Behavioral therapy has it's place but it is NOT the cure-all that it is often claimed to be, and there are many reasons why it does not work for

She very likely has issues with self awareness, boundaries, and self esteem.

These are inner issues that behavioral therapy cannot fix.

As such, she may even have a tempermental conflict with her family, meaning the hard-wired aspect of her emotional personality (which cannot be changed) may be so different from her family members that she feels alienated, and starts drama in order to get attention and feel validated for having a naturally different personality style.

(Half of a person's personality is determined genetically at birth, the other half is filled in with life experience.)

She needs to learn to develop stronger personal boundaries so that she is not spewing negative energy at other people in an attempt to get her unfulfilled needs met.


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replied October 15th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
have you taken behavior management? if not perhaps you should take it befor yousay that it doesnt work--i never said it was a cure.
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replied October 15th, 2007
Experienced User
Sometimes when my parents and I talk about the horrid days of my adolescence, they look horrified as I offer some narrative that isnt rooted in any reality except my own.

Habitual lying was a serious issue for ME and some of the memories I have.....are nothing but lies. I robbed myself of life experiences that, while negative, would have made a much different impact on me as a person. Your decision to seek help was a positive move in my opinion.
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replied October 15th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
i agree--it is a very positive move
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