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Depressed: I Don't Know How to Change Myself, Nobady cares

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hi, this is my first post

I'm 18 years old and I just hate my life. I don't have any friends, I rarely leave my house. Whenever I'm in class, I just don't talk to anyone because I just get this uncontrollable uncomfortable feeling in me and I'm really afraid of looking like an idiot. I never had any good friends, they got me involved in some really bad stuff and eventually just ended up dumping on me. My family hates me and just puts me down everyday, I've been put down by my brother and parents since I was young, it's just awkward between us now, I can't be around my family without feeling uncomfortable.

I never had a girlfriend and only made out with a girl once. I never know what to say and I just feel like I'm really uninteresting and just not good enough. I don't think I'm attractive, I've lost a lot of weight and now I'm just skinny.

I'm never mean to people, all my life I've been compassionate, empathic and when I do talk to people I'm always nice and polite and I help others if I can. I go to college, but I'm not interested in any of the courses I take, I just don't care, I have no motivation.

Nobody cares about me, been that way my whole life. I can't remember the last time someone else did something or said something nice to me. I look around me and people are happy and social, and I wonder where I went wrong or what's wrong with me. The only time I do smile is when I'm high from smoking bud.

Can anyone give me some enlightment, some advice? I don't know how to change.
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First Helper daavvee
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replied September 11th, 2007
Experienced User
Simple, you have bad social skills. See a therapist or psychologist and they'll help you be social.
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Thanks for your patience!

replied September 20th, 2007
ermh... not that simple.. i have bad social skills too, it's not that easy to seek up professionals. But I agree that it would be a good thing to do yes

Try finding a activity that you really enjoy, where talking might come naturally. Perhaps that would make it easier to get in contact with people?
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replied April 2nd, 2008
dear daavee!!
i just read your message and it made me really sad..im sorry to hear that you are experiencing such difficulties within your life =[

i just want to say that...im sure someone, somewhere is thinking about you and loves you...no matter what...we always have someone who loves us

I dont think you have bad social skills...your just really self conscious and unconfident. I know it is hard when you spend your whole life being nice to people..only to have them throw it back in your face...ive experienced that too

All you need to remember is tha you dont need people like that...here is just a few things i can suggest to help you on your way...

1. try and reconcile with your family, at the end of the day, they are the only family your ever going to have. They may put you down but have you openly spoken to them about your feelings? They may not realise how seriously they are affecting you. The best way to do this aswell, is prove them wrong! show them that you are not a waste of space!

2. Be more confident in yourself. Say to yourself that you are a beautiful person no matter what anyone says to you! Love yourself!
Interact with the other people..i know that sounds terrifying but all you need is practise. Just take a deep breath and go and start a conversation with someone. It dont have to be anything special...just perhaps a 'hello' and 'how are you' kind of thing?? trust me...if you practise, your social skills with come naturally.

3. Join an activity where you can meet new people. These are fantastic oppuortunities to practise speaking to other people, and they wont know you, so you can be yourself or anyone you want to be. Maybe perhaps join a dance class or something to gain friends whilst learning a new skill.

4. and finally...dont take your frustration out on your body. You deserve to be healthy and well. Losing weight and taking drugs are not going to help you in any way..and they may seem as a temporary release but they have long term affects.

And if your still feeling down...consult a professional. They are there to help. It does not ean you are crazy or anything..but if you ever need to talk, they are there too provide a listening ear.

I hope my advice has helped you dave and i hope that you can one day feel confident within yourself to acomplish whatever you set your mind to

Just remember..."A Moment Spent Sad, Is A Moment Of Happiness Lost"

so just start with a smile =] Very Happy
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replied April 2nd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
It sounds to me like you are depressed and suffer from social anxiety. While therapy is necessary, chemical intervention is usually helpful to fight the depression and anxiety. Go see a psychiatrist and get evaluated. You would probably benefit from an antidepressant. Depression will take the joy out of life and cause one to feel isolated and alone. Depression removes motivation, interest in things, causes fatigue, leads to feelings of helplessness, despair and hopelessness. You can not talk yourself out of depression. Get some help from a psychiatrist so you can feel good and get on with living. Life shouldn't hurt like this. There is help available.

Let us know how you are doing. People here can offer support, advice, an open heart and ear. We are here for you! Hugs.
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replied February 18th, 2009
stop it
hi friend i read ur post and it sounds somewhat familiar i have also faced this situation once i was a kid like u, later i found out the only problem i had was that i didnt want to make a fool out of myself so i didnt dance, i didnt talk and let me tell u by doing that i already was looking stupid people use to make fun of me later i thought they are making fun of me even if i am doing nothingwrong so why not i should give dance and social activities a chance i did and found out people eventually started noticing me. and let me tell u should not be nice to everyoe if u will do that they will dump u i know its sad but its a fact u should try to say No to things u dont like remember u r not here for 300 years u have just one life to live so live it without fear u r not in this world to fullfill anybodys expectations and by any body i mean anybody not even your family"s u r hear for ur own growth period. hope that helps if u need any help, write me.
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replied June 6th, 2009
it starts with hope, however unreasonable just in your head know and envision being whatever you know is better, and that you can be it..there has to be a better because if you don't believe in a better you cant call yourself bad, second start working on that believing in yourself, take it upon yourself to never hold anything against anyone else simply because that'l hinder your progress and mess with your head space and whatever obstacle whatever hiccup, let it go..because that will do the same, be whatever without looking back and second guessing because it makes you hate yourself for making the wrong decision, instead do what youre sure is right and what you want to do, and change what youre unsure about. you cant believe in the reality you have around yourself and expect to change it.. everything around you is an idea, just decide everything is.
secondly find some good music
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replied June 19th, 2009
I feel really sorry for you, although I have not had the same experience, but I do understand the feeling of not interested in anything in life, and not able to fit in.
I think you need to find out deep down in your heart who you want to be and how you really want to live your life, regardless of what others think. you need to draw a picture of the person you want to be and work on it. that will get you motivation. and I do believe there are things you like, there must be. Everyone has dreams and everyone likes something, you just need to find out what they are and work on them. just ignore what others think and do what you have to do. if people are going to judge you, let them be, afterall, you're living your life and other people don't matter. Trust me, once you really start the positive momentum, everything will fall in place, and you will become more confident, and you will know other people's attitude don't matter to you anymore. in fact, as you live up your life more, you will notice people's attitude change, they'll respect you more, you just have to live your life like you own it (which you do!)
all the best
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replied June 19th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
If you look around this forum you will see that there are many posts exactly like yours. You are not alone. Lots of kids feel the way you do. You need to be kinder to yourself. Think "if nobody else loves me, then I will love me!" I am sure you have many people who care about you, but because you are so afraid of doing or saying the "wrong thing," you put up a wall which shuts people out.

Get off the drugs, look in the mirror and ask yourself what you can do to make your life better. It has to come from YOU... nobody else is going to make you happy, because they are all busy worrying about themselves and making themselves happy. So start with being the best you can be, then once you gain confidence, you will attract people towards you automatically. People are drawn to confidence. Teenage years are some of the hardest to get through. Kids are worried about what others think of them, if they don't do the same things or act the same way. I gaurantee you, there is a friend for everyone out there. You just need to look around, and don't be afraid, or worry about what others think. It's what YOU think that matters most!
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replied June 19th, 2009
Supporter
Well, you sound a lot like I was at your age. I also had parents that didn't think twice about hurting my feelings. It really stuck with me my entire life causing me a lot of problems including anxiety and depression. Take my advice and seek the help of a psychologist to talk to. The psychologist will help you feel better about yourself and teach you to deal with relationships. Please keep us informed, know that I care; I have a son your age and it makes me very sad to think you are going through so much pain, and anytime you need to talk we are here to listen.

Wendy
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replied July 5th, 2009
Well..!!!! I am 23 yrs old and I also have the same problems..with some variations....I am currently working as a wb devloper and I staying with the roommates..I also don't have good friends...no gal friend so far.........I have gone through the replies...but I think it is it id not possible to change..Actua;;y I have tried and failed a number of times......when I feel sad about myself I eat a lot and now weighing about 100+kg...Any useful solution....? fearing that I don't have a family in my life time as I am not good at executing things...Please help me..!!!
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replied July 9th, 2009
Dear daavvee,

I'm 18 too and I have also started my life over recently. SO I do believe i can be useful for you. I have read your post yesterday, but only today I caught myself still thinking about you and how you remind me.

So, lets talk about your case. You want to change? huh? Lets do it then! Let me help you to start your new best life!

The first step is the confession. Take a simple sheet of paper and write down something like :

Today I finally realised what FOOL I AM- I AM A LOOSER. I am NOT satisfied with the way my life goes.
I am NOT satisfied who I am now, who I always was.
I am NOT satisfied with my relations.
How this could happen to me?
Is that what I've always wanted to be?
Is that all that I'm worth?
IS this everything what I can gain form this stupid existence?
I am NOT satisfied with anything!
I NEED to change EVERYTHING!
I WANT to change my life!
I AM WORTH to have my best life!
I CAN BE what I want to be!

Feel what you are writing, every single word must hit your heart making it pulsating even faster and faster. This is your motivation you need! You must understand few basic things:

1. Your life is a misery because of own fault! You let it to be like that! Please understand the most important thing - the only person who ruined all your life is YOU! And the only person you can fix everything and even make things better is YOU! If you feel angry or unsatisfied while reading this, then i can make you sure that you will never change anything about your personality. First step is to put off the "victim mode" bottom. It is very comfortable for everyone to just sit, blame yourself or others and DO nothing. Talk talk talk and no ACTION - this makes your life the biggest misery!

2. What is harder to accept is the idea that you must also stop blaming yorself and other people. Yes, they made your life a nightmare and you did nothing to change matters. BUT! stop blaming! just stop doing this! If you are angry do not think at all about them or your situation. If you master this ability not to blame anyone then you clearly realise that things CAN change! this is like a miracle you know.. I fell that way and that was one of the best moments in my life. Everything starts here!

3. What is most important - you want a DIFFERENT LIFE - then ACT DIFFERENT! the Albert Einstein said "the biggest madnesss is when people act in the same way and expect different results" Can you see how obvious it is?! Think over this for many times.

4. It is also important to understand that results won't appear after few weeks. You have been living the same life for more than 18 years so it is natural that it takes many years to create your new life. But think - you have nothing to loose. Every moment you may come back to your old lifestyle and be a fool further.And this is your opportunity to change everything not only part of your life but everything you do not like.

If you DO understand these things very clearly then lets start!

* lets talk about your day. What do you do? Do you sleep for 10 hours a day or even more? Do you watch old films and listen to nostalgic music?Or maybe you do nothing only thinking how miserable you are? That doesn't make any difference for me. this kind of life is just a waste of your precious life time. THink the same way?
So, I do suggest you to get up at 5a.m. - you will get used to it after some weeks, believe me, i did the same thing and it works! The first thought must be "this is going to be the best day of my life! All good things are coming to my life! thank God I am alive. LEts do it!" And with wide smile get out of your bed. smile to your reflection in the mirror- this is the person you love most from now on! Now! this may sound crazy but just do it! IT will awake you at once. This is cold shower. Star from cool water to cold. Do not force yourself to do things - this only make things worse and you have to start everything over again. Cold or cool shower at 5a.m. really makes me feel alive and vivid. Do it with satisfaction, release your muscles and feel how wormth appears deep in your body. Such early time is the best time for physical activity. Try new things - running, walking in rapid steps, or even yoga( I've chosen yoga, but you may prefer other physical activity) while being otside at this early time follow the sunrise, observe the nature, the suroundings everything outside your body, this realy makes you feel harmony clearly. If the weather is rainy then do other thing like training your muscles. Have a goal to have a desirable, fit and healthy body. And why not? After all you do have a body like everyone else, so why don't you make it the best shape?

** I wonder what do you eat? perhaps like everybody. But your goal iis no longer to be LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. BE YOURSELF. If you want a wonderful shape than stop eating sweets and ships, think about it like rubbish - there is nothing good for your body. And you DO care what goes in your body. I can tell you that is you start today, after a month sweets won't bother you at all! Take my word! So, start thinking what do you eat. Breakfast and dinner must be good, and do not eat after 8 p.m. Other things you may know already.

*** Those things I have already mentioned to you are not so hard to get used to. They are only for your physical changes. Now talk about your personality. One important thing iss to HAVE A VISION of your own life. Leave your doubts and reality. Think if you could create your life once more, what it would be like. Again, take a sheet of paper and write down everything: How would you look like, act like, what kind of relations would you have, what goals would you have, how would you seek for them. Think think think! Create everything in details. And read it! Feel plesant while reading. Desire to have such life. And start compare your presant life to one you would like to have. Do not feel any hate about your presant state, just think about it in theorical way. Then, comparing your desirable life and the one you are stucked in now, start "shaping" your goals. For example, "I want that people would respect me" the second step - THINK how to make it possible. You may think that people always respect peple you act in there own way, who has something to show, whose physical appearance is atractive. Then THINK again how can you manage to do it. For example, you will become atractive if you will start doing physical activity I have already mentioned. Become stylish in the way you understand your own fashion. But, however, the aim is your inside. Gain more experience - do crazy things - jump with parachute, jump from a high cliff to deep water, master one of music intruments,start learning new language or karate, or other kind of sport, think of students exchanging programs, go and see the world, maybe you don't have money for many of those activities now, but it won't take long, you must keep thinking how to earn them then, find a job that you coud pay for your new hobbies. Do not concentrate on things that make your goals impossible to reach, think how you can manage to make your dreams come true. Tell me, I don't really understand how person can find things he like if all the time he sits at home aand do nothing. If this activity bothers you - change it!

**** possitive thougts! very important! the best thing about it is just buy a book, o a film, or watch the free introduction of one of the best scientists' project ever that can really change the whole your life, it's THE LAW OF ATRACTION - THE SECRET you can watch this on the youtube.com

***** if you need things that would rise your motivation watch "the yes man". of course, you will need something to read. First! Read Robin Sharma "The MOnk Who Sold His Ferrary". Take all you can from that book, try all things he suggest. You won't regret. I also recomend you to read robin sharma "the Saint, the Surfer,and the CEO", "" Who Will Cray When You Die?" and the "Discover Your Destiny With The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Blueprint for Living Your Best Life" I believe you may find these books in your local library if you like. This person will give you all the instuctions how to lead your life. Everything you wil find in his books. Believe me.

**** about drugs, I can advice you to find other ways of satisfaction- sport, music, films, reading, cold water, doing risky things. Drugs is not the only measure to feel okay.Just believe me.

****** Now, about your relations. If things in your family are really bad then start talking. If I were you, I would go to my parents and not leting them to interupt would say from my whole soul: " Lets clear out something - did you give me birth because you wanted to bring up a child or because I was made by mistake? Because If I am a mistake of you two, then okay, I will bring up me by myself, but if you think about me as your child then stop acting like being the best parents ever, cuz you're not! This family truly sucks. I feel better on my own than with you. Is that what you want? Is this normal? If yuo don't want to end your lifes lonely somewhere in old nursing house what you're worht, then give me atention I need. Because your opportunity to start close relatios have already ended. You always put me down, there wasn't time when we all had wonderful vacation or time together. If you think I am okay with this then think over, cuz I'm not. Now I give you the last opportunity to start normal family relations, or continue being just acquaintances.There is no reason to give birth to a person if you do not know how to bring him up." and leave them to think. How people can know how you feel if you don't talk? Say what yuo think, what you feel and bee frank to contribute. they also have to change themselves a bit to make you feel happier. so give them a chance, be nice, be frank, feel love to them again. Loveis the aim of all relations. Not being nice. not connivance. only love can create strong relatins. Again, stop thinking that they hate you, stop blaming them - stop thinking that someone don't like you, think that they don't know who you are. you must show what relations you want. Family is the only place after all where you can talk frankly. I believe all of you need a long seriuos talk.

About other people do not try to be artificially nice or helpful, cuz it is obviuos. be yourself, be the best friend of yourself. Nobody has no wrights to hurt you, as you dont have wrights to hurt others. Artificiality "kills" ll relations. And think maybe you even are afraid of letting someone coming close to you. Maybe you are afraid whether you won't disappoint them.

keep in mind, all your problems comes from your childhood and youth, all traumas that must be relieved comes from there. You never be fully happy if will continue to fear the same things, blame the same people. Remenber - Different actions, DIFFERENT RESULTS.

Good luck. I do believe in you. Be frank to yourself. It's your time. You can do it!BelieVE! tHINK! Do your best? If not now, then when?
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replied August 5th, 2009
been so long
i love almost all of your answers, but has anyone noticed how long ago daavvee made his post? i really hope that he was able to overcome this depression or get help. i know for me, it never went away, a constant struggle. daavvee, if you are still out there, let us know how you are...and what helped you!
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replied October 31st, 2009
Wow. A lot of advice has been given, and yet they keep placing the emphasis on 'self' changing, and the power of self. I feel this is important, yet not the most important thing. I had to come to the realization that I cannot change myself. I, too, have lost a large amount of weight, and struggled with self worth and depression. I am incredibly shy and still feel uncomfortable in crowds even when I've known everyone in the crowd for years. I have been on paxil which did help take the edge off the anxiety, but i have successfully been off paxil for years now. The real change in me only came through Jesus Christ. I hope at this point you don't stop reading this due to the way that some Christians have drug His name through the mud and clouded His true nature. The whole reason He came to earth and died for us was because we were in a hopeless state. We could not save ourselves. Nor can we change ourselves. He is my best friend, and the only friend who has never let me down and never went away. He has held my hand as I had to face hard truths about who I really was, and He has helped me to change for the better. I am no longer who I was. He has made me new, and everything viewed through His eyes is better and hopeful. Here is what I recommend:
1. Confess to God that you cannot do this on your own. Ask for Him to forgive you for all your sins and accept His Son Jesus into your life. BELIEVE THAT THIS HAPPENS. Believe it and recieve it, doubt it and live without it. Begin a relationship with Jesus Christ. Get a Bible, one you can understand, and begin reading in John. The NLT is a good paraphrase.
2. Find a good church. A Bible based Christian Church with a good outreach program. The church is Christ's hands outstretched. Find one that believes that.
3. Attend that church every time the doors are open. If you want God to change you, you must go see Him....repetitively, faithfully.
4. Realize that people, even in the church are GOING to let you down. They are imperfect, just like you, and can't get it right, either. They fall on the same grace we do, and need God to keep picking them up, too. So be patient with your new Christian family.
5. Don't give up. There are times I do not feel God. I must trust in His Word that says He will not leave me. He is faithful to do the work. We must be faithful to do our part. Do what you know to do, and He will do the rest.
6. Forgive your family. Even though they may not ask for it. Unforgiveness kept inside hurts you more than them. It is a cancer that will eat at you until you decide to stop rethinking all the wrongs done to you. Just let it all go. That's what God does for us. He forgets all our wrongs if we ask Him. But we've got to be willing to do the same for others.
7. Find others to help....that will help you keep moving forward. There are so many others like you out there. God wants to heal you and then use you to help them out of the pit.
8. Talk to God continually. Not with your eyes closed tight and face all squished up like your trying to 'birth' a prayer. Talk to Him like He is right there, having a cup of starbucks with you. Because He is, and has been, only you've never noticed Him before.
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replied August 10th, 2010
Think Positive!
:\ for daavvee..

ur situation is not new. I have that experience too, but I nver take drugs or anything that can ad up to misery.

I have that feelings of yours..
same as you I also had bad times.
I felt alone and no one wants to be a friend with me.
I want to be alone and I don't want to be nice to people anymore cuz' they will dumb you after.
My life is full of loneliness until now..

so all I cn say is..


jst be who u are..smile.. :]
it will make you happy inside.
Think Positive!! If people don't
want to be with u then leave..

remembr,whatever happens there is a
loving GOD who will be with u..

u jst have to seek for Him.
read the Bible. It'll help u a lot.

friend with people who will help u
to improve ur strength rather than ur weaknesses. :]


cfm.

if u want help or questions jst PM me.

^ ^, keep Smiling!!

All of us here who commented ur post Cares about u!!

always remember...

"To know what Happiness really is..you have to live your life simply as it is".. :]


God blesS!! �
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replied May 27th, 2011
Jesus Christ loves you! You are forgiven, made new in Him only. I used to be depressed and had all those problems that you had but thats because I didn't know how much valuable I really am. Everyone tells you "don't be sad, be happy" but you can't when all you hear and know is that you are not valuable and don't treat you like you suppose to be treated. Its really hard to feel loved when nobody knows what love is. God says that he loves us and created to know him personally and has a plan for our lives. John 3:16 says "God so LOVED the world that He GAVE his only SON that whoever BELIEVES in him shall not die but have EVERLASTING LIFE." We are loved, forgiven because even us that feel depressed have wronged others. We are as guilty as the people who are not. We just don't see it because when we are depress all we thing about is the bad things people do to us. We are not victims we are sinners. But God loves us so much that he fixed us. We cannot fix ourselves. I'v heard people tell me "just smile and see the world in a positive way!" but how if we feel broken and anxious and neglected. Or i've heard meditate, go to a counselor, take anti-anxiety pills and you'll fell better. I did but thats just temporary, the feeling of failure always comes back sooner or later. But when we know who we truly are and we listen to God and Jesus, we experience what we were meant to experience, love and a purpose: God's love thought giving His son for us so we don't have to keep doing what we do, and the purpose is that we continue to know him, trust in him regardless of what other people say because they don't believe in God for whatever reason. Sometimes that reason is that they want to fix themselves but we truly can't. Trust me I've tried everything to make myself better. I've tried other religions even when I would hear others talk about Jesus. It is when you finally give Jesus a chance and you listen to what he says to all of us and believe him that you become a new person. I am not depressed anymore. I accepted Jesus Christ by faith as my own personal will and have loved him for what he did for me. He saved me from living a life full of lives and full of my own sins. If I died the day before I accepted Jesus without know all that God really has for us, I would be 50% sure that I would spend eternity with God. Know I am 100% because of what Jesus did for us. He died to take the penalty of our sins. I prayed this prayer "Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive you as savior and Lord. Thank you for forgiving me of my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of my life and make me the person you want me to be." I am not depressed because I know I'm not what others say about me with their words and actions. And I know that we are all saved from eternal suffering here on earth after we die because of what Jesus did. People will argue with you and try to tell you that God doesn't exist and that Jesus is a myth but I am an example that God does exist and Jesus is the Son of God because I"m still alive and telling others about how Jesus changed my life. I don't know you but I love you and the Lord wants you know that. Smile
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