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Mental Health > Depression Forum > Depression and Abusive Relationship! I Am Trapped !
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Q: Depression and Abusive Relationship! I Am Trapped !
asked by: MissTaken on September 10th, 2007
New User
I Dont see how there is anyway to make this whole story short so here I go:

3 Years ago I started a new relationship with a guy I had known for a while. Things were great for a while until about 6 months into the relationship when I had found out he had been lying about things. The things he lies about are usually sexual. After much hartache I started obsessing over the things he would lie to me about. It got so bad that everyday he would have to go thru a play by play of his day and even what he thought about. I know this sounds crazy but I was not like that before in any way. I have been taking antidepressants and ocd medication now but I still feel haunted everyday that he is lying. There hasnt been a day thats gone by that I havnt asked if he was lying to me at least 5 times questioning about things over and over. He cant even leave the room without me questioning things like what bad or sexual things he was thinking while he left.I also obsess about his past and we fight almost everyday about him lying to me. Everytime he tells me he isn't he always seems nervous or guilty so it makes me certain that he is lying in my mind. Because I feel this way he ends up calling me names and swearing at me. In turn I end up charging at him physically..we are in an abusive realtionship and it is hard to face. For example today he was vacumming and when he was finished I asked him wat bad thing he was thinking while doing so...we ended up fighting ...he said no one ******* cares what I think and im stupid...i thre a bowl of dog food at him...he threw it back and pushed me onto the floor. Afetr all of this he always says sorry...i dont listen anymore because i know how incincere he is. He calls me a female part of the body and tells me how stupid i am always after i acuse him of things...to me it just makes him more guilty of lying...The most hrriblle thing about all of this is that we are newlyweds...yeah thats right newlyweds....how bizarre...i am starting to feel how much of a mistake i have made...i feel there is no way out...my family is huge on no divorce/seperation...i thought i was too...I see no way for this situation to work out..even with years of therapy. I have no attraction to this man anymore...he is a monster to me..i dont know what to do. Im sorry if this seems warped to anyone reading this,iguess it feels good to get things out even if no ones is there. I never talk about this to anyone. I used to go to a therapyst about my obsessoveniss with my husbands lying but i found it jiust didnt do all that much.Anyways im done this for now.thx 2 anyone who reads this.


p.s excuse my bad spelling
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Juan Toobie Healthy
replied on September 10th, 2007
New User
Wow! Not good. Your relationship is definitely unhealthy. Personally, I've never been jealous or insecure. That's only because I wouldn't be in a relationship if I couldn't trust the other person. I'm not saying that your distrust is unwarrented, but you're torturing yourself by obsessing over it. If you have a change of heart and try to stick it out, you have to work on that. When you start obsessing, try focusing your energy elsewhere. It sounds like you start picturing scenarios and your mind runs with them until it consumes you. The next time you start to worry (unless it's truly warranted) I'd dismiss it and try to turn your attention to something else. Also, get some couples therapy. Maybe you can clear the air and learn how to communicate without letting tensions rise to the point of getting out of hand.

On the other hand, throwing in the towel may be best. Although I take the pledge of marriage seriously, I think violence is the beginning of the end in a relationship. It sounds like staying together isn't doing either of you any good and things are only going to continue to escalate. I wouldn't worry about what your family thinks. They're your family. They'll always love you and will have to get over it sooner or later. Ultimately they want what's best for you. If staying in a marraige that's rapidly spiraling out of control could lead to someone going to jail or getting hurt, they wouldn't want that. Just do what's best for you.
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Enlightened Uselessness
replied on September 10th, 2007
Experienced User
How do you know he's lying? One of the most important things in relationships is trust. How can you be in this relationship if you do not trust him?
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marvel
replied on September 11th, 2007
Supporter
That was not warped, MissTaken.

Your own personal health trumps any belief that your parents have! If you're not attracted to him, you don't feel anything for him, and he treats you that way, you should definitely seek help to leave him, I think. Time to think about you and your mental and physical health is more important than enduring what you're going through!
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MissTaken
replied on September 11th, 2007
New User
Thanks...i know this all makes sense...In the past we would fight until he confessed his lies. I know that must be what got me into the pattern...there was always a lie...i could always tell but now i guess a womans intuition can only go so far,,,
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