I'm a junior in college right now. I'm a
public health major, but I don't know why
I am.
I still have not come to some sort of
certainty or confidence with my decision
to switch to public health from chemistry.
I know that a major doesn't necessarily
determine the career, but music is such a
long shot away from my previous majors,
computer science and chemistry.
I tried going to the school counseling
center, but that didn't really help. Maybe
it's because I didn't go long enough to
find the core of my problem. The first
meeting, he'd ask, "What problems are you
having?" I'd say, "Time management." Then
he'd just give me tips on how to improve
my time efficiency. The next meeting I'd
tell him sometimes I'd lose my temper and
kick holes in walls and scream in a fit of
rage after taking a test. Then he'd ask
me, "Do you think people are afraid of
you?" I felt so offended that I didn't go
after that meeting.
It's really hard for me to tell what's
really going on. I find myself preoccupied
with trying to figure out why I'm so
apathetic toward the idea of schoolwork.
Why can't I be like everyone else and just
realize that I need a degree to survive on
my own and go to class everyday? Some days
the apathy bottles up until it becomes
anger and I just slam the chair into the
table, but nothing that would hurt myself
or others.
I can't figure out if I lack motivation
because of the classes I'm taking--which
kind--or if it's the fact that I'm not
taking a music class along with all this
science--or if it's the fact that I'm not
studying solely music, when I think my
initial "dream" was to become a musician.
Every day I feel doubt growing about my
current path. What if my passion for music
makes me suck at everything else?
For some reason, I think this all started
summer of junior year, because that was
the first time I felt that something
wasn't quite right. I felt really isolated
at that time. And while I'm not as
isolated now, I feel that I'm the only one
who cares about the fact that I feel like
I have no choice but to plod on with a
public health degree. I'm getting pressure
from my parents to be practical and ignore
music for the next two years, and it's
going to probably drive me up the wall. I
feel like I'm suppressing some part of
myself. My parents have convinced me that
my thinking is wrong, and that only fuels
my desire to rebel against their wishes.
They try to convince me that music will be
a harder path than the one I'm taking now
and that I'll hate it even more. It's only
made me more conflicted and uncertain of
myself.
I have no idea if my apathy is spawned by
depression or uncertainty. I don't feel
sad at all, but I don't feel happy. I just
feel completely unsure of myself. I'd try
to find some comfort in some music,
playing guitar, or writing a song, but I
left my guitar at home thinking it would
distract from my "true" goals.
Anyways, I didn't know where else to post
this. I don't know what else to blame my
uncertainty on. I think what I need most
is advice right now. Or at least someone
who doesn't think I'm delusional in
wanting to get out of my current situation
halfway through college to pursue rock
music. Most of my family thinks I won't be
able to survive as a musician. I've been
dwelling on this for four months now, and
the longer it's been the more I become
fixed on my self-doubt.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
|
marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1104 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 50
Thanked:8
Posted: 09-10-07 15:00pm
Hi, mandelbrane!
I have gone through three years of
University feeling wishy-washy about my
Major (Comparative Religion and
Anthropology). Though I found it
interesting, my desire to get a degree,
with a promising future of becoming a
teacher overshadowed my desires. I am now
making arrangements to shrink my degree to
leave school early to pursue Social Work
at another school. I really wish I would
have stuck to my guns and gone after what
my gut was telling me!
Though I didn't have parents who told me
what to study, my preconceptions of
'success' and 'happiness' were based on
money and status... not on how much I
would actually enjoy what I'd be doing.
Success is pursuing and living your
passion. Full Stop. It's not healthy to
simply endure schooling and a career JUST
for wealth or parental approval. How would
you feel if you were doing what you loved
right now? This is an important question
to ask, I think.
|
syhz7
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Oct 2007 Posts: 2
Posted: 10-24-07 16:40pm
I say rebel.
Your family shouldn't be able to control
you or your interests, at least not now
after you started college. Your life
should be your decision. They had their
chance to live out their dreams and if
they didn't take it then too bad. It's
time for you to live out your own.
Trust me when I say that the most
important thing is that you like what you
do. There are a lot of opportunities when
it comes to working with music, so you're
not lost if you find out that writing
music (as an example) and making a living
off of it wasn't as easy as you thought.
If you feel stuck you could always come
back here and we could try to help you
figure something out.
If you love it, then just accept that
you're gonna have to work hard for it. And
I'd say hard work's worth it if you feel
it would make you happy.
The pressure you feel coming from your
family must be really confusing and, in a
way, painful. But I sort of think there's
no need for you to keep being miserable.
They might be somewhat dissapointed in you
for not choosng the path they've set for
you, but so what. It's your life, your
choice and your happiness that's in
question. They'll get over it.
