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Q: Husband Is Not "wanting" Sex
asked by:
stacy4renee
New User
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Replies(34)
Georgia59
Especially eHealthy
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amethyst eyes
Extremely eHealthy
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stacy4renee
New User
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Chezzy
Experienced User
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stacy4renee
New User
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Mabel
Supporter
| stacy4renee wrote: |
| What started me doing for him more was that I had surgery a few months back. So he would be sexually frustrated, I started doing whatever he wanted. Mainly using a vibrator. He you put it on the head & roll it around they can ejaculate like that. I did all 3 things(alternating nights) every night. For a whole month. Then it was every few nights. Now it is 2 times maybe 1 night a week.
When we got married he was the best I had ever been with. He could down for hours & actually knew what he was doing! Everything was great. & now nothing? In a way I just want to walk away. |
Over sex? You want to walk away because of sex? Seems like the entire relationship needs some work if you are considering leaving because of sex. Stop doing for him and do for yourself if you want to feel pleased.
You knew this was an issue when you married a man 20 years older than you (how old is he?) and you were ok with that until you weren't ok with that anymore.
I'm not trying to be harsh, but you either accept it as being a part of your relationship (you've said you have talked to him about it a lot) or you don't.
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stacy4renee
New User
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Mabel
Supporter
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Birch
Extremely eHealthy
| Ingi wrote: | ||
Over sex? You want to walk away because of sex? Seems like the entire relationship needs some work if you are considering leaving because of sex. Stop doing for him and do for yourself if you want to feel pleased.
You knew this was an issue when you married a man 20 years older than you (how old is he?) and you were ok with that until you weren't ok with that anymore. I'm not trying to be harsh, but you either accept it as being a part of your relationship (you've said you have talked to him about it a lot) or you don't. |
Well...I'd have to say that when you are married, you are suddenly solely responsible for the other person's sexual gratification (other than masturbation, of course). That's part of the deal. And if he's not keeping up his part of the agreement, then you have to tell him "hey, pal, you either step it up or you let me step out every now and then".
I wouldn't play keep away to be manipulative.
Sex is a big deal. To look forward to a life of no sexual activity, well...I wouldn't begrudge the OP for leaving if it came to that.
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Mabel
Supporter
| Birch wrote: | ||||
Well...I'd have to say that when you are married, you are suddenly solely responsible for the other person's sexual gratification (other than masturbation, of course). That's part of the deal. And if he's not keeping up his part of the agreement, then you have to tell him "hey, pal, you either step it up or you let me step out every now and then". I wouldn't play keep away to be manipulative. Sex is a big deal. To look forward to a life of no sexual activity, well...I wouldn't begrudge the OP for leaving if it came to that. |
From what she said, this was something they discussed repeatedly. And he is 20 years older. Which means he could be anywhere from 40 - however old, she never really said.
This is a common life situation. Older men have less stamina in the bedroom. It is so common it is a cliche. Not only that, they have entire marketing campaigns for pharmacutecals set around it (Those annoying viagra commercials!).
I guess, it seems like a known situation when married him. And you she either accepts it or she doesn't.
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stacy4renee
New User
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Birch
Extremely eHealthy
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Marianne0558
Supporter
I've never had this problem, so I don't know if you want my advice or not-I'm giving it anyway 
I think you should make him be first next time. That way you won't get skipped out on. (someone else already said this)
If that doesn't work, I would seek sexual therapy. It could be fun for both.
If the sex therapy doesn't work, I would seek marriage counseling.
Is this the only problem you all have encountered?
Maybe you should try doing it by yourself in front of him. That could make him want to get in on the action.
What a sucky problem! I'm sorry you are going through this.
I think you should make him be first next time. That way you won't get skipped out on. (someone else already said this)
If that doesn't work, I would seek sexual therapy. It could be fun for both.
If the sex therapy doesn't work, I would seek marriage counseling.
Is this the only problem you all have encountered?
Maybe you should try doing it by yourself in front of him. That could make him want to get in on the action.
What a sucky problem! I'm sorry you are going through this.
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Mabel
Supporter
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Georgia59
Especially eHealthy
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Georgia59
Especially eHealthy
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stacy4renee
New User
Like last night, I am a night owl - always have been, probably always will be , I was sitting in here and writing in my journal on my yahoo account. I am recovering from strep throat and so I turned to get some water to take my medicine & what is he doing? Sitting up in the middle of the bed with his glasses on & looking at what I am writing. Saying I am acting suspicious. I have always gotten on the computer at night. The kids are in bed & it's peaceful & quiet. I do love him that is why I have stayed, but for him to question me when all I want to do is fix the problem. I tell him all the time I don't want anyone else but him. I think men live in their on little world most of the time.
I did tell him last night that we needed to talk to someone about all of this because I can not keep going this way.
I just thought I would post on here to see if maybe there was a medical reason for him not wanting sex. If he was THAT tired he would not even want me to do anything for him either i would think, but that is the reason he gives me.
, I was sitting in here and writing in my journal on my yahoo account. I am recovering from strep throat and so I turned to get some water to take my medicine & what is he doing? Sitting up in the middle of the bed with his glasses on & looking at what I am writing. Saying I am acting suspicious. I have always gotten on the computer at night. The kids are in bed & it's peaceful & quiet. I do love him that is why I have stayed, but for him to question me when all I want to do is fix the problem. I tell him all the time I don't want anyone else but him. I think men live in their on little world most of the time.
I did tell him last night that we needed to talk to someone about all of this because I can not keep going this way.
I just thought I would post on here to see if maybe there was a medical reason for him not wanting sex. If he was THAT tired he would not even want me to do anything for him either i would think, but that is the reason he gives me.
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Georgia59
Especially eHealthy
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Birch
Extremely eHealthy
| stacy4renee wrote: |
| Like last night, I am a night owl - always have been, probably always will be , I was sitting in here and writing in my journal on my yahoo account. I am recovering from strep throat and so I turned to get some water to take my medicine & what is he doing? Sitting up in the middle of the bed with his glasses on & looking at what I am writing. Saying I am acting suspicious. I have always gotten on the computer at night. The kids are in bed & it's peaceful & quiet. I do love him that is why I have stayed, but for him to question me when all I want to do is fix the problem. I tell him all the time I don't want anyone else but him. I think men live in their on little world most of the time.
I did tell him last night that we needed to talk to someone about all of this because I can not keep going this way. I just thought I would post on here to see if maybe there was a medical reason for him not wanting sex. If he was THAT tired he would not even want me to do anything for him either i would think, but that is the reason he gives me. |
There's a whole lot of excuses for his behavior in your posts.
I hope that he takes what you said to heart (how did he react?) when you said you wanted to talk to someone.
Best wishes!
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