Depression Forum - I'm Going Crazy

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Q: I'm Going Crazy

asked by: K468180 on September 10th, 2007

New User

Hi. Long time reader, first time poster.
I have had undiagnosed major depression for the past 20 years.

Does anybody ever get negative "dreams" in your head that just won't go away? There was a situation labor day weekend that by chance my family was not involved in. Had we been involved I would have been really mad because I was already having a bad day. This just would have added to what I was already upset about. Then I found out later that my wife wouldn't have minded and probably would have joined in! That would have pissed me off beyond words!! I can't get the visions out of my head of different "what if" situation endings. It just keeps playing in my mind over and over again and every time the ending angers me off even more!! but it DIDN'T HAPPEN! Why does my mind keep making these up?
I can't sleep at night. I have a hard time concentrating during the day. I start to cry when I think of it. Why am I dwelling on a situation that DIDN'T HAPPEN when it makes me upset to think about it? What do I need to do to make it stop?
This isn't the only time my mind has done this to me, but it has never been to this extreme.

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Replies(5)

marvel

replied on September 10th, 2007

Supporter

You're not going crazy!

I think that if you believe you have had undiagnosed depression for so long, you should definitely see a doctor or professional about it. If you're iffy about medication, that's ok. They have many suggestions that can help you aside from meds... but, you've probably been told this many times, am I right?

I remember when I was very depressed, I would focus more on "what ifs". I think it's a common thing with we who suffer from depression. What I always did was I had a regular routine of going to a quiet, beautiful place with a notebook, and I just wrote everything I was feeling... angry, sad, happy... I didn't discriminate. I took my frustrations with all my situations (real or hypothetical) out on paper. Once I finished, I was in a quiet, beautiful spot to enjoy... cry in... or just 'be' in. It was my lifeline for a long, long time!

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K468180

replied on September 10th, 2007

New User

I was very sick as a child. I couldn't participate in gym, sports, or other "kids" games. I also couldn't eat a lot of food that kid's love. At birthday parties I'd usually have to sit and watch others eat. For various reasons things never got better as I got older. My senior year in high school if you had handed me a gun I wouldn't have thought twice about using it. I have a family now and I don't want to put them through a suicide. I want to watch them grow up and have a family, but if it could all happen within the next few days that would be great. I am not happy with my life now. I am just waiting to die. My motto is "if you're happy I will be happy"
I have never told anybody I am depressed. I don't want anybody to know for fear of what they would think of me. So no. I haven't been told that several times.
"what ifs" Am I subconiously trying to stay depressed?
I have tried writing stuff done on paper, but it doesn't help. Maybe because I remember stuff better when I right it.

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marvel

replied on September 10th, 2007

Supporter

Would you mind if other people experiencing the same (or similar) feelings as you knew that you are depressed?

I can remember going to support groups and feeling very safe there. Talking to people in person really does help. It hurts, but it helps!

I still fear what people think of me sometimes. It's perfectly natural. The people that matter in your life will only have thoughts of compassion and love for you.

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K468180

replied on September 10th, 2007

New User

I don't know how talking about it to "strangers" will help me overcome it. It isn't going to erase memories and it's not going to change the enviroment at home.
What did you get out of the support group?
I would feel very aukward telling my family I was going to a support group.

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Keeba88

replied on September 10th, 2007

Experienced User

Not to jump in on your guys convesatoin or anything but i'm sure that they would rather you get help and be happier than you are in the end then sit and think these thinks for the rest of your life. You don't have to tell your kids...maybe just your spouse. It may be awkward at first yes, but if she loves you i'm sure she will love and suppost you through the rough times your going through. But thats just my input....and mayb its no good to you cause i guess i can't really relate to what your going through. Just what i think i would do if i was you...but then again maybe i would react totally different if i was in your shoes. Hope i helped you out, even if it was just a little bit. GOOD LUCK! Very Happy

Very Happy

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