Anxious About Academic Future Posted: 09-09-07 20:11pm
I didn't know where else to post.
Lately I've been lacking a lot of energy.
I don't feel enthusiastic about my life
right now. I've been having trouble
controlling my temper. I think there are
feelings hidden in my brain that I'm
bottling up inside.
I have class tomorrow and already I get a
mild jittery feeling. Not any physical
symptoms, just the inability to
concentrate or tear myself away from where
I am right now. Maybe it's simply a lack
of sleep.
I've been at the computer for eight hours
straight right now, looking up electric
guitars and writing lyrics. I spent the
entire morning reading magazines. I think
I develop mild obsessions just to avoid
having to face nameless problems. I think
I've done this to avoid thinking about
school. I left my guitar at home since I
don't think I can control myself (I failed
organic chemistry over the summer because
I spent too much time writing songs). I
feel like I don't know what I want and my
uncertainty will only lead me to fail
again.
It's strange. I shouldn't be feeling
stressed out. It's not like I'm failing a
class right now. It's not like I'm
overburdened with commitments and clubs.
In fact, I think it's the opposite. I feel
like I'm wasting all of my time thinking
about a pipe dream, wondering if it's
genuine, and feeling like everyone else is
more sure of themselves, that they're all
smarter because they know what they want
to do in the now. I feel like I'm way
behind in my studies. I've already
switched majors two times thinking that
was a problem. I just feel like I don't
know why I'm at college right now.
My priority right now seems to be music,
but my parents want me to get a practical
degree first. I'm not sure if I can
survive college much longer with my
current mindset. I seem to want to become
a musician, but can't seem to trust that
that's really what I want for myself. My
parents didn't exactly teach me to be
independent or take risks, even if it
might pay off for my happiness in the long
tern. It's like they introduce me to a
piano at age 5 and expect that it won't
spark any sort of idea of a serious career
in music. The ironic thing is that I've
spent most of my life trained in classical
and now for some reason I want to avoid
having a real job and become a rock
musician.
I just don't feel enthusiastic about
anything right now except the thought that
maybe someday, somehow, I could make a
life as a rock musician. I doubt my
parents would even support me if I gave up
on college. The thought that I might fail
my classes even though I switched to an
easier major really worries me.
Is it possible that the lack of things
happening is causing this as opposed to an
overwhelming number of things? I just feel
like I've lost control over my path. I
can't even pin down what's bothering me. I
think it's an anxiety over the future, and
the more time I spend in the present
worrying about it the more it becomes the
ever dreaded future and the more I feel
like I'm not going anywhere. I feel like
an impractical heap of junk. I was
apathetic towards computer science, I was
apathetic towards chemistry, what makes me
think I'll be somehow interested and be
successful in public health if I have an
obsession with writing songs? Why can't I
just accept that I don't really have a
choice now?
I look around me and see other people
moving forward and declaring their majors
and wonder why I can't just do what makes
the most sense. I try to see things from
my parents view, and it only makes me
supplant my wishes with theirs. I don't
know if anyone else has experienced this
in college. I do know that a large
percentage of students now change their
majors at least once, but my future is
starting to look ridiculous. Any advice
would be appreciated.
|
Lion79
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 308 Location: Sunderland, UK
Thanks: 4
Thanked:6
Posted: 09-10-07 17:39pm
Hey there. I know how you feel. I really
don't have a clue what I want to do in
life, there's nothing that interests me.
I've just done a year of my psychology
degree and yes it might be something I'd
want to go into but I'm worried that it
will be too hard, and I can't do it, or I
won't enjoy it.
The fact is that you won't know what you
like to do until you actually do it. I
think the reason why you've got no
motivation is because you don't know what
to do, so you can't act on your choice.
Recently I've been feeling no motivation
for anything. In my first year of college
(we have college 16-18 then go onto
university, just to clarify) I studied for
months before my exams in January, and
then I did exams in June but didn't study
as hard and yet came out with pretty
similar results. That makes it seem like
the effort isn't worth it, and this has
gone on to some of my uni work, where I am
only average in most areas, and, without
sounding arrogant, I have never been only
average. So if you do badly in one area,
it knocks your confidence and you don't
try as hard so it becomes a cycle.
It sounds like you're really into music-do
you have a band? If you do, maybe try
setting up a few local gigs for yourself,
you know, in bars/clubs etc and make a
name for yourself. It might get you
somewhere. Or, maybe try doing some solo
gigs.
Hmm, if your parents got you into music in
the first place, why won't they like you
continuing it? It's up to you what you do,
and if you keep doing what your parents
want that you have no interest in you're
likely to fail. Do what you want.
Sorry I don't have that much advice, but I
can sympathise with you. It's one thing
that worries me. I know that I have to go
into full-time work soon. 40 hous a week,
8 hours a day for the next 60 years??? To
me, that sounds like a huge waste of time
lol
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mandelbrane
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 4
Thanks Posted: 09-10-07 19:20pm
Thanks for the words, and it's nice to
know that although every person's
situation is unique, a lot of people have
no clue what they should study in college.
The more I read books, listen to music,
hear other people's advice, the more I
realize that I would probably be better
off studying music since I'm at least
passionate and care deeply about it.
I think mostly I just need to keep on
reminding myself that a lot of people feel
the same way, that they don't know where
they're heading and that a degree doesn't
necessarily mean I'll be working in that
particular field. I just get so uneasy
thinking about what I COULD be doing right
now, and if it's possibly ten times
better. My mind seem to always be
transfixed on the greener side.
I think most of the pressure is from
within, not my parents. I really hope my
parents won't try to stop me if I go for
music. I think they're more concerned that
I choose something and be sure and stick
with it until the end. I don't care if I
have to study classical music at a
university, as long as it's music, and
it'll give me a better chance to pursue
options other than performance like
teaching.
The more and more I think about it, the
more I feel like a burden would be lifted
if I took this semester off and just
debated more about switching to music.
|
Lion79
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 308 Location: Sunderland, UK
Thanks: 4
Thanked:6
Posted: 09-11-07 03:55am
Yeah you should think about it until
you're sure it's what you want to do. And
even then, maybe it doesn't turn out that
way. I'm not trying to disuade you or
anything, it's just that at the beginning
of last year I chose to take psychology
and music as a dual degree course, because
I really enjoyed playing etc but after a
few lessons I realised the course wasn't
for me, so I switched to just psychology.
It was lucky for me that I had no money
because originally I was going to go to a
music college but couldn't afford the
auditions so I just went to my local uni.
If I had been able to go to a music
college, I would have regretted it.
Sometimes it seems there's so many choices
that it's so confusing but then it seems
like we have no options! It's so
confusing.
Oh well, good luck with what you do, hope
it all goes well.