I didn't know where else to post.

Lately I've been lacking a lot of energy. I don't feel enthusiastic about my life right now. I've been having trouble controlling my temper. I think there are feelings hidden in my brain that I'm bottling up inside.

I have class tomorrow and already I get a mild jittery feeling. Not any physical symptoms, just the inability to concentrate or tear myself away from where I am right now. Maybe it's simply a lack of sleep.

I've been at the computer for eight hours straight right now, looking up electric guitars and writing lyrics. I spent the entire morning reading magazines. I think I develop mild obsessions just to avoid having to face nameless problems. I think I've done this to avoid thinking about school. I left my guitar at home since I don't think I can control myself (I failed organic chemistry over the summer because I spent too much time writing songs). I feel like I don't know what I want and my uncertainty will only lead me to fail again.

It's strange. I shouldn't be feeling stressed out. It's not like I'm failing a class right now. It's not like I'm overburdened with commitments and clubs. In fact, I think it's the opposite. I feel like I'm wasting all of my time thinking about a pipe dream, wondering if it's genuine, and feeling like everyone else is more sure of themselves, that they're all smarter because they know what they want to do in the now. I feel like I'm way behind in my studies. I've already switched majors two times thinking that was a problem. I just feel like I don't know why I'm at college right now.

My priority right now seems to be music, but my parents want me to get a practical degree first. I'm not sure if I can survive college much longer with my current mindset. I seem to want to become a musician, but can't seem to trust that that's really what I want for myself. My parents didn't exactly teach me to be independent or take risks, even if it might pay off for my happiness in the long tern. It's like they introduce me to a piano at age 5 and expect that it won't spark any sort of idea of a serious career in music. The ironic thing is that I've spent most of my life trained in classical and now for some reason I want to avoid having a real job and become a rock musician.

I just don't feel enthusiastic about anything right now except the thought that maybe someday, somehow, I could make a life as a rock musician. I doubt my parents would even support me if I gave up on college. The thought that I might fail my classes even though I switched to an easier major really worries me.

Is it possible that the lack of things happening is causing this as opposed to an overwhelming number of things? I just feel like I've lost control over my path. I can't even pin down what's bothering me. I think it's an anxiety over the future, and the more time I spend in the present worrying about it the more it becomes the ever dreaded future and the more I feel like I'm not going anywhere. I feel like an impractical heap of junk. I was apathetic towards computer science, I was apathetic towards chemistry, what makes me think I'll be somehow interested and be successful in public health if I have an obsession with writing songs? Why can't I just accept that I don't really have a choice now?

I look around me and see other people moving forward and declaring their majors and wonder why I can't just do what makes the most sense. I try to see things from my parents view, and it only makes me supplant my wishes with theirs. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this in college. I do know that a large percentage of students now change their majors at least once, but my future is starting to look ridiculous. Any advice would be appreciated.