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Does This Sound Right to You?

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deebaby621

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Aug 2006
Posts: 251
Location: North Carolina
Does This Sound Right to You?
Posted: 09-09-07 09:17am

Okay i've been with my boyfriend for a year & a half now. We have a very loving relationship & are very compatible with eachother. But there is something that bothers me so much about him & i confronted him about it yesterday.

See, he works during the week & i have college classes, so we normally get together around 7 on weeknights. Then on weekends, we normally don't do anything together during the day so we just get together later on in the evening. [weird.. i know.] so basically he just sits at the house all day just chillin - to himself. which i can understand honestly because he works his butt off all week long. so on days like that [mainly saturdays, sundays.] he doesn't call me all day long until he wants to get together. it's been that way ever since we got together. i find it very odd & i asked him about this yesterday..

He told me that the reason he doesn't call me earlier on days such as this is because he's afraid i'll want to come over & he won't want me over yet. Now i think having that mindset is very pessimistic & kinda weird actually.. he's my best friend & i love him to death. But, the thing is - i give him plenty of space, plenty of alone time, plenty of "man time" if you will. So what is the big deal about picking up the phone to just see how my days going? Or just to tell me he loves me? I just can't understand that. I think it's messed up how he just assumes that i want to smother him all the time. Do all men think like that sometimes? How stereotypical is this?

So to conclude i'll say this. I don't call him, I let him call me. I give him plenty of down time to himself & do not invade on that. Let me also mention that he is bipolar. Do any of you agree that this situation is a little odd? I know he isn't "hiding" anything or cheating. That's out of the question.

He says that this is just the way he is & not to take it personally. But how can i not? He asked me "what are we going to talk about if i call you up early on in the day before we see eachother?" [inquiring that we spend a lot of time together so phone convos aren't normally 2-3 hours long] he says "it's not like we're going to have some big inspirational convo on the phone.. it'll prolly just be dead air."

but see, that's the thing. what the conversation would consist of is COMPLETELY beside the point. it's the simple fact of him taking the time to ring me up for a quick hey baby what's up. that's the thing. but guys are wired so differently than women, so i guess that's why he failed to see it the way i do last night.

Thoughts?

This is something that honestly makes me feel like crap. Even my mother has said she finds it pretty weird.

Is he just being a dude?
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Mommy35

Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 3165
Location: Vacationland, USA,

Posted: 09-09-07 09:27am

Some men are odd. Maybe he just enjoys his down time and doesn't feel like talking on the phone. I hate talking on the phone and it is quite annoying to sit with a phone to my ear with "dead air".

He likes his space. You accepted it for a year and a half, so what changed? If you don't suspect he's cheating or doing anything that would be upseting to you than I guess you just have to let him have his time.

Go out and do something with your friends during the day. Don't sit at home and wait for his call or when he does get around to calling you could say, "well, since I didn't hear from you today I made plans already, I hope that is ok".

You are correct, men are wired differently than we are, and sometimes that is not always a bad thing.
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deebaby621

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Aug 2006
Posts: 251
Location: North Carolina

Posted: 09-09-07 13:35pm

yeah see that's the thing though. i never sit around waiting for him to call.. i go on with my life. he loves me, cares for me, & tells me i'm beautiful when i first wake up in the morning. he's not a bad boyfriend whatsoever. i guess this is just one of those things that i gotta accept.
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Birch

Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005
Posts: 4054
Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 144
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Posted: 09-09-07 14:34pm

I think it's great that he's honest about "because he's afraid i'll want to come over & he won't want me over yet" and stuff like that.

If it was really important to you that he calls, I wonder if you could get him to compromise and call, and he could tell you then "I'm just calling to say hi and see how you are, but I'm not ready for you to come over and I want to be alone" or whatever.

I think guys think that the conversation is the whole point, and girls just think that calling in and of itself is the whole point! Heh. Men.

Have you told him what you wrote down here? If he sees how much it bothers you he might consider just ringing up once in a while.
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