Aniexty, Depression And Violent Thoughts Advice ?

Hi, I've had sever anxiety and depression for 10 years and counting. Just last year i was put on anti depressants. lately I have been doing fine i haven't been having to many violent thoughts. All of a sudden out of the blue I've been having them again. I have screwed up my system by waking up later and i haven't be able to get my iron in. Anyway I just had a violent thought at the moment. I heared on the news that this baby fell from a very high apartment building and landed face first into pavement. I though they said she was 4 but then it was 18 months. I was sitting at the computer so i didn't see it and my first thought was cool i want to see the fall she took. After that all of a sudden i though i hope she dies I don't want the baby to die really but at the same time i felt nothing and no regret about saying it. Even thinking about the fall amused me. I feel like i'm evil, Like evenually i will feel nothing and go crazy and hurt people. I'm scared how could i think that way. I think it might be because it's like why didn't the parents watch there kid. I feel like how can you be that stupid not to watch your kid and she got hurt. I feel sorry for the kid and i really want her to survive. I just don't know what's happing to me. I'm hoping someone could give me advice.