Aniexty, Depression And Violent Thoughts Advice ? Posted: 09-07-07 22:25pm
Hi, I've had sever anxiety and depression
for 10 years and counting. Just last year
i was put on anti depressants. lately I
have been doing fine i haven't been having
to many violent thoughts. All of a sudden
out of the blue I've been having them
again. I have screwed up my system by
waking up later and i haven't be able to
get my iron in. Anyway I just had a
violent thought at the moment. I heared
on the news that this baby fell from a
very high apartment building and landed
face first into pavement. I though they
said she was 4 but then it was 18 months.
I was sitting at the computer so i didn't
see it and my first thought was cool i
want to see the fall she took. After
that all of a sudden i though i hope she
dies I don't want the
baby to die really but at the same time i
felt nothing and no regret about saying
it. Even thinking about the fall amused
me. I
feel like i'm evil, Like evenually i will
feel nothing and go crazy and hurt people.
I'm
scared how could i think that way. I
think it might be because it's like why
didn't the parents watch there kid. I
feel like how can you be that stupid not
to watch your kid and she got hurt. I
feel sorry for the kid and i really want
her to survive. I just don't know
what's happing to me. I'm hoping
someone could give me advice.
I don't want the
baby to die really but at the same time i
felt nothing and no regret about saying
it. Even thinking about the fall amused
me. 
I
feel like i'm evil, Like evenually i will
feel nothing and go crazy and hurt people.
I'm
scared how could i think that way. I
think it might be because it's like why
didn't the parents watch there kid. I
feel like how can you be that stupid not
to watch your kid and she got hurt. I
feel sorry for the kid and i really want
her to survive. I just don't know
what's happing to me. I'm hoping
someone could give me advice.