Hello PGHmom, my name is Richard and I am an alcoholic. And I haven’t found it necessary to pick up that first in an endless string of drinks in years.

I get it when you say, “I hate myself when i drink,” I would wake up in the morning and despise myself for being this pathetic drunk that can’t be depended on to do anything but get drunk. And when the pain of living like I was became great enough, I did something about it.

This is what I did, and you can do it too. I went to Alcoholics Anonymous.

My suggestion to you is search the internet for a meeting near where you live (they are everywhere) and show up. Go to 90 meetings in 90 days, sit there and listen, you might learn something about yourself.

I haven’t felt like a loser in a while, but mom, I remember what it felt like, and it ain’t no fun. Try your hand at AA recovery, what do you have to lose?

Richard

Hi there! I am sorry that you are in this situation but you know that you need to make changes Alchoholics Anonymous is a pretty good place to go and there are also other treatment places you can go to. You might want to talk to your Dr and see what he/she suggests, They can prescibe you meds that will make you sick if you drink alchohol. This illness that you have is not worth ruining your relationship with your children or husband, you need to get help. I had a Step-Mother who was an alchoholic and her alchoholism pretty much ruined our relationsip as she said negative things to me while she was drinking that really hurt and then she became physically abusive. I also had a husband that was an alchoholic that I tried to help and later I learned that I could not help him that he was the only one that could help himself, I could not take his abusive drinking anymore and had to leave. Some people say things when they are drinking and do not know what they said or did the next day. You need to get help, the sooner, the better and know that we are here for you! Alchoholism is an illness, one that can be fixed especially if you fix it soon.

I tried going to an AA meeting about a year ago. I was intimidated by the mostly male attendees and lack of women. I know that there are women groups but none are close to me. I'd have to drive an hour each way and that's what led me to this site.
Today, I am alcohol free. For today. For this hour and hopefully the next. I don't get what the allure is and why I need to drink. I guess I need to first realize that I don't NEED to drink, but this is a very depressing situation. My husband has agreed to go to therapy with me. I can't understand why I would mess this up. It sucks and to know that there's a long road ahead makes me nervous and scared. I have hurt my kids. Especially when my 8 year old son is crying uncontrollably on my lap because he's afraid I'll die. All I could do was hold him and tell him I'll get better. I will, but just as much as everyone is asking me why I drink, I ask myself the same question and I don't have any answers....I'm not an abusive or mean drunk, but I'm a lazy drunk that becomes distanced from everyone around me. It's like I'm in some kind of black hole, alone.

PghMom… maybe your husband could go with you to the meetings? Don’t be intimidated, we, all the people in that meeting, in any meeting, are just like you. People who drink too much and want to live sober today. There is almost always at least one woman in a meeting, go sit next to her.

And I know Pittsburg is a fairly big city, I went to school there, you in all probability have more than one meeting to choose from. In fact, go to as many different meetings as you can, each one is a little different, find the one you are most comfortable in, and make that meeting, your meeting. The women in that meeting can tell you what they are doing today to stay sober today.

And is an hour behind the wheel worth your life, worth the happiness and well fair of your children, worth your marriage?

As to your other question, We all drink for the exact same reason. We like the effect alcohol has on us. It’s just that simple. Don’t waste your time looking for that episode in your childhood that put you on this path. Even if you identify one, that knowledge won’t keep you sober.

Finding that meeting, getting a sponsor and working the 12 steps, now that can work miracles.

Your friend
Richard