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School... Feeling Loss of Intelligence/confidence

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Well, this is basically my story regarding school.

Grades 9 and 10 I was a bright kid, very smart and always confident in class, I knew I could easily do well in anything as long as I put in effort, and I did.

Grade 11 I began to slack off a bit, started drinking here and there and just began smoking pot. I didn't try very hard at all.

Grade 12 was the worst... This was supposed to be my last year of high school. However, I was so changed by this time. I started smoking a lot more weed, every lunch I would meet up with friends to smoke. I even had a part time job which I knew got in the way of school but I was making money to support my fun like drinking and smoking so I didn't bother quitting. I also used to skip class very often. I did not apply to college because I didn't want to go. I did not apply to university because I did not have the marks for it.

Okay so... I decided hey, i'll stay back another year in high school and just upgrade my marks for university. Nothing wrong with that, so many people do that and not everyone goes to university right away. So I started school again, basically my fifth year of high school.

But a week before school had started, I witnessed the most tragic experience of my life. I had saw my own uncle, whom I loved and lived with for a long time dead in my house because of drug abuse, the most shocking experience ever of my life. This experienced ruined me...

When I actually started going to school, I was too depressed to focus. I'd always skip just to get high and forget about my problems. This only made the issue worse... I went from smoking pot, to popping pills, snorting cocaine, trying a variety of drugs all year because I just got so deep into the whole drug thing. I wasted a year of my life on drugs, depression, anxiety, just horrible things. Because of this, I had a lot of anxiety and panic attacks.

Last year was my biggest low of my life ever. I didn't smile much, I was never genuinely happy, and I was ruined by drugs.

Okay so now... SIXTH year of high school and i'm 19 years old now. Today was the first day. I no longer do any drugs like before, except drink occasionally. I finally feel like I have a clear head now.

To me this is like a second chance, or my last chance. Theres so much pressure on me right now. I feel like I can't make any mistakes at all throughout the year and I have some hard courses. I only went today for the first day and I ALREADY lack confidence. I feel like I won't make it, its just making me so depressed. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like the smart kid I used to be and it makes me sad. I haven't been in school for so long that it feels so weird and different now. I was so nervous that I came home and my stomach was aching, I felt like I needed to throw up, it was that bad. I feel like such a loser sometimes...

Any advice?
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replied September 5th, 2007
youre story made me really sad Sad

drugs also ruined my life.(if u wanna no bout that just ask)

and im so sry about the experience with ur uncle, that must have been a terrible thing to see Sad my uncles also addicted to drugs and im so scared for him.

my advice: youre NOT a loser, trust me. you had an awful past and hopefully this will be youre fresh start. just believe you can do it. of course its not gonna be easy but if you really want to get better in school i no you can do it...of course ur feeling depressed, its only natural. but i truly wish you the best and i no ull make it Smile. plz keep me posted about hows school goin for you
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replied September 5th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
You are not a failure! You have had some bad experiences in life. It mighy be a good idea to talk to your Dr about your depression and what is going on in your life, he/she might be able to help you. Keep in touch. We are here for you!
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replied June 25th, 2009
Have Hope
I'm a 3rd year university student who left home for a 16 month internship. Due to various events and situations, I too became depressed in a similar fashion and didn't understand it for a year. The changes were eventually dramatic and built up gradually in the form of long term physical symptoms. All I can say from my experience is that you have to have hope and do things to bring your confidence up and not do anything that brings it down, those are probably the fastest things you can do to recover, it may very well be the only permanent way. The reason why this is one of the worst illnesses ever is that the very nature of the illness makes it harder and harder for you to heal. The more you see your abilities decrease and lack of interest increase, the less confident you feel and the more depressed you become. It's a vicious cycle that takes dedication to get out of, but it is very possible, and all up to the individual by their own choice.
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replied March 15th, 2010
your life seems to parallel my own except im 17. i feel less intelligent and generally less competent. Honestly i cant imagine a future right now that doesn't play out like yours.
all i can think to say is that maybe we're both depressed, and there's medication that might help. (or it might shatter a possibly fragile sobriety)
best of luck man
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replied March 15th, 2010
By the grace of God, I resubmitted myself to Jesus and was instantaneously healed of a 2 year depression, transformed beyond recognition and many have come to ask about Him through the work He has done on me. Depression is an illness of the spirit that dries the bones (Wisdom recorded thousands of years ago only recognized by the medical society in the 90s). The healer is God. Submit to Him by surrendering in your fight against Him. Praise God!
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replied March 18th, 2010
I understand your troubles..
I'm kinda the same, I was always a bit of a nervous kid at school, but bright. I hated school and was bullied, and starting taking speed and smoking pot at the age of 15. I did almost every drug under the sun frequently until I was about 20, but stopped and started turning my life around, enrolling at college (kinda like the higher level of school for those of you in the US), and hope to go to university next year. However, I still suffer from extreme paranoia, anxiety, and panic attacks. From the age of about 16 to 19 I felt completely worthless, I couldn't even walk down the street or make a conversation without feeling like I was being laughed at, or didn't deserve to be there. I'm getting much better now though, and making small steps seems to be boosting my confidence! Anyway, I truly feel your pain, just hang in there and stick at the work, make new friends, do new stuff, and stuff WILL get better Smile
Also, ignore the happy clappy christian stuff above, that will just further mislead and confuse you!
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replied March 18th, 2010
God is good
When you seek the ways of Man, you can only go so far. You will make small steps. But let me tell you this. On March 1st, a spiritual transformation occurred. The Holy Spirit filled me up since then with abilities to work for Him to do His works. At the same time. All depression and anxiety in me was instantaneously cured. That is difference and the power of God. Contact me if you want to hear more. There are those with ears and those without. Let those with ears hear.
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replied April 4th, 2010
depressed about school
im 16 n i hate goin to school i do get good grades for all mi A level subjects but i think its mainly becz i feel i hav no recognition among mi friends n a guy in mi class always disturbs me.Plus i always get sick n i get severe migraine almost evryday n i miss school alot i often get depressed abt this too cz i miss a load of wrk n mi friends question me y i didnt come to school i told mi mum i want to stop school n do the exams privately but she forces me to go to school im depressed n i want help soon
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